Tired of DH getting sick and sticking me with kids

[Anonymous]

What does “sick” mean? A cold? If that, he doesn’t get to lounge in bed all day.

[Anonymous]

Something else has to be going on here…this is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does “sick” mean? A cold? If that, he doesn’t get to lounge in bed all day.

This. We need more info, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re pathetic, OP.

Some of you really need to take a hard look about why you’re being so cruel to a mom with a baby. OP is tired. She feels overwhelmed. Raise your hand if you’ve been there as a mom of a baby—tired and overwhelmed. Oh, look at that. Every hand raised.

OP, this is tough. But your husband isn’t faking, so he’s not doing anything wrong. Best you can do is make things easier on yourself by ordering in food and resting as much as you can. Make a deal that some of the laundry and stuff can wait until DH is better, and that when he is recovered he can pitch in to make up for things that fell by the wayside when he was sick.

[Anonymous]

Op here. It’s a cold no barfing or stomach issues but a pretty bad cough too. If it were me sick, I would suck it up unless I was puking or had diarrhea, I’ve had colds and coughs which I caught from baby during the week in nov/Dec and soldiered on. I guess I am resentful bc I am already fully in charge of baby Monday - Friday. We use part time care for 3 hours a day while I work (part time) in the morning, and then I am with the baby all the rest of the day until bed time. DH doesn’t get home till past bedtime bc of commute and hours. So Saturday and Sunday (esp on a long weekend like this) is the only time we share in childcare responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. It’s a cold no barfing or stomach issues but a pretty bad cough too. If it were me sick, I would suck it up unless I was puking or had diarrhea, I’ve had colds and coughs which I caught from baby during the week in nov/Dec and soldiered on. I guess I am resentful bc I am already fully in charge of baby Monday - Friday. We use part time care for 3 hours a day while I work (part time) in the morning, and then I am with the baby all the rest of the day until bed time. DH doesn’t get home till past bedtime bc of commute and hours. So Saturday and Sunday (esp on a long weekend like this) is the only time we share in childcare responsibilities.

If you suck it up when you’re sick, he needs to suck it up when he’s sick (or next time you’re sick, do absolutely nothing).

Also, I would get more childcare during the week. Men use their jobs as an excuse to get out of childcare (he could be coming home earlier and if he was the mom, he would be). You sound burnt out. I would do 4 hours a day of childcare and take that extra hour as time for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. It’s a cold no barfing or stomach issues but a pretty bad cough too. If it were me sick, I would suck it up unless I was puking or had diarrhea, I’ve had colds and coughs which I caught from baby during the week in nov/Dec and soldiered on. I guess I am resentful bc I am already fully in charge of baby Monday - Friday. We use part time care for 3 hours a day while I work (part time) in the morning, and then I am with the baby all the rest of the day until bed time. DH doesn’t get home till past bedtime bc of commute and hours. So Saturday and Sunday (esp on a long weekend like this) is the only time we share in childcare responsibilities.

Let him sleep in and then tell, don’t ask, that you are taking a break:

“Hi, I hope you slept OK. He’s fed and changed and will probably need to go down for a nap in 20 minutes. I’m going to go take a nap and after that I’m taking a shower.”

“Hi, there’s extra oatmeal on the stovetop if you want it. He just went down for morning nap. I’m going for a walk and then I am taking a shower.”

Obviously assess the situation. If he looks horrible, take one for the team. If he looks like he can power through, don’t give him the option not to. Tell, don’t ask, what you are going to do to take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Man- colds are the worse Op. They're so dramatic and totally lack the ability to even try to "suck it up buttercup" and be semi-funtional or remotely helpful.
Agree with Op. I, too, get bitter and resentful.

Mine doesn't even offer up a thank you which makrs me even more resentful. "hon, thanks for holding down the fort with the kuds, house, and other stuff all while running to the store for more Gatorade and Tylenol flu for me" would go a long way for me.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you need to take a step back and look at yourself and your behavior and feellings.

[Anonymous]

Next time you have a cold, take a total sick day.

You’re not pathetic. But I recently heard that when you feel resentful, instead of being angry at the other person (or after you let yourself feel that feeling), ask yourself what you need that you might be too afraid to ask for. You need something from him, and consider asking for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time you have a cold, take a total sick day.

You’re not pathetic. But I recently heard that when you feel resentful, instead of being angry at the other person (or after you let yourself feel that feeling), ask yourself what you need that you might be too afraid to ask for. You need something from him, and consider asking for it.

Not OP but this is a really interesting thought! Will have to reflect on this myself.

[Anonymous]

OP everyone is being mean, but I get how frustrating that can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP everyone is being mean, but I get how frustrating that can be.

No all the posters here were not mean. It’s not mean to point out that being resentful of a truly sick spouse crosses a line. It doesn’t mean we aren’t sympathetic to how grinding and exhausting caring for a baby is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP everyone is being mean, but I get how frustrating that can be.

No all the posters here were not mean. It’s not mean to point out that being resentful of a truly sick spouse crosses a line. It doesn’t mean we aren’t sympathetic to how grinding and exhausting caring for a baby is.

The difference is that when moms are run down with a cold, they don't usually get to sleep until 10 AM and expect dad to take care of childcare solo all weekends. We're not talking "incapacitated," we're talking "tired." Guess who else is tired, all the time? Mothers of infants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP everyone is being mean, but I get how frustrating that can be.

No all the posters here were not mean. It’s not mean to point out that being resentful of a truly sick spouse crosses a line. It doesn’t mean we aren’t sympathetic to how grinding and exhausting caring for a baby is.

Also maybe it’s okay for OP to ask for help when she’s sick too? Otherwise she becomes a resentful martyr. No one likes a resentful martyr.