What are examples of “enmeshed “ and why does it seem to have a negative connotation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP already has a thread on this topic. Stop making multiple threads for the same thing.

DP. I don’t think this is the same poster. Writing styles are quite different. Ask Jeff to check if you’re so sure.

Don’t need to ask. It’s the same.

+1. Eve with the same people involved.

Did posts get deleted? Because the OP of this thread does not provide a description of the people involved beyond a very generic description.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are examples of “enmeshed” and why does it seem to have a negative outcome?

What does a healthy relationship look like with parents who live nearby where both child and parents like each other and want to spend time together?

If both parties enjoy hanging out and each other’s company it doesn’t sound unhealthy or enmeshed. If one party regularly guilt trips the other or either party feels as though they aren’t entitled to any privacy these could be signs of enmeshment. Different families have different boundaries but, with enmeshment, boundaries are not respected and the relationship causes undo stress and anxiety

[Anonymous]

OP here

Thanks everyone. I think I have figured it out now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this just another word for codependent?

They get at the same idea, but use different language because enmeshment is more often used to describe dysfunctional family dynamics and codependency refers more broadly to relationships where one partner, or both partners, are relying on one another for emotional stability or, often, simply emotional feedback. Codependency is often used to talk about relationships involving drug or alcohol dependency, or other forms of addiction (often people in recovery will shift their reliance on alcohol or other substance to a reliance on another person, which is why codependency is a major part of recovery vocabulary as well as a big part of the AlAnon program). But they get at a lot of the same ideas around lack of boundaries and emotional reliance.

NP. Thanks to you and 16:07 (if you're not the same people) for posting. It's really helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are examples of “enmeshed” and why does it seem to have a negative outcome?

What does a healthy relationship look like with parents who live nearby where both child and parents like each other and want to spend time together?

It’s sounds like enablement and codependency and not in a good way.

It keeps the dysfunctional person dysfunctional and the caretake role person worn out. It’s Unf common in mental disorder families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are examples of “enmeshed” and why does it seem to have a negative outcome?

What does a healthy relationship look like with parents who live nearby where both child and parents like each other and want to spend time together?

Dinner once a week, stop by to talk adults only, go to family sports games or concerts or bday parties. Maybe some babysitting. Celebrate bdays and mothers or Father’s Day

Emeshment would be way beyond that like stopping by all the time, bringing your laundry over or eating their food up all the time, asking for them to make decisions for you, needing them to drive you around frequently even if could afford a taxi, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are examples of “enmeshed” and why does it seem to have a negative outcome?

What does a healthy relationship look like with parents who live nearby where both child and parents like each other and want to spend time together?

Dinner once a week, stop by to talk adults only, go to family sports games or concerts or bday parties. Maybe some babysitting. Celebrate bdays and mothers or Father’s Day

Emeshment would be way beyond that like stopping by all the time, bringing your laundry over or eating their food up all the time, asking for them to make decisions for you, needing them to drive you around frequently even if could afford a taxi, etc.

No, enmeshment is also about how you interact even if you don't see eachother as often. Some examples of enmeshment when you live that close:

-gossip about whoever is not there
-guilt-tripping anyone who declines to join
-absorbing eachother's negative emotions-mom is upset so everyone is miserable
-being there out of obligation, not enjoyment
-using money to control others-gifts with strings
-set rigid family roles or no boundaries at all-2 extremes
forcing kids to be close because they are cousins rather than letting them figure out the level of relationship
-confiding in family about marital problems that you should deal directly with your spouse about
-Needing mommy and daddy's approval for decisions about the family you created
-dad calling you over and over with his problems and upset you don't pick up
-frequent texts that become intrusive and you fear setting a boundary will start trouble
-stopping by without calling first

[Anonymous]

Enmeshment is also mom making you responsible for her feelings and you being her unlicensed untrained therapist enabling her to stay mentally ill.

Enmeshment is every time you try to make a choice of your own, dad reminds you he paid for the downpayment on your house. The strings were implied and his dad did the same for him, but he owns you now in his mind.

Enmeshment is often a risk factor for estrangement even though to the untrained eye they seem like opposites. They are both about a very unhealthy and dysfunctional system.