Constantly asking for play dates with cousins

[Anonymous]

OP here! Thanks for the advice on this! Yes, SIL moved here last year when the Delta variant flared up to take a gov job. She mentioned feeling isolated after moving here and has been reaching out like crazy. I get it, she wants friends and friends for her kids. Her kids are definitely awkward and a bit odd. I don’t mind it but I can see how it might be difficult to make friends.


I also get the impression they are tight with money as SIL always wants to do something “simple” like go to a park. Nothing wrong with that but we are doers on weekends and like to go strawberry picking, head to the National Mall for a family bike ride, take a quick trip to the beach, etc.

My husband is definitely not a “texter” the way I am and literally takes forever to respond to texts, even mine, so I have taken the reins on responses since I set up most of our get-togethers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here! Thanks for the advice on this! Yes, SIL moved here last year when the Delta variant flared up to take a gov job. She mentioned feeling isolated after moving here and has been reaching out like crazy. I get it, she wants friends and friends for her kids. Her kids are definitely awkward and a bit odd. I don’t mind it but I can see how it might be difficult to make friends.


I also get the impression they are tight with money as SIL always wants to do something “simple” like go to a park. Nothing wrong with that but we are doers on weekends and like to go strawberry picking, head to the National Mall for a family bike ride, take a quick trip to the beach, etc.

My husband is definitely not a “texter” the way I am and literally takes forever to respond to texts, even mine, so I have taken the reins on responses since I set up most of our get-togethers.

Well then enjoy everything being on your shoulders and continuing to be frustrated. You could leave it entirely to DH but instead you’ll continue to “take the reins,” so you will continue to experience complex dynamics you do not enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once a quarter is not that much, at all. Make it work by planning outings so that you’re not trapped in the house and kids can use up their energy.

But why are you planning any of this? SIL wants to get together, she can call her brother and make a plan. If she calls or texts you, kick it to DH. His sister, his plan.

But she is the mother!! Responsible for all planning!🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here! Thanks for the advice on this! Yes, SIL moved here last year when the Delta variant flared up to take a gov job. She mentioned feeling isolated after moving here and has been reaching out like crazy. I get it, she wants friends and friends for her kids. Her kids are definitely awkward and a bit odd. I don’t mind it but I can see how it might be difficult to make friends.


I also get the impression they are tight with money as SIL always wants to do something “simple” like go to a park. Nothing wrong with that but we are doers on weekends and like to go strawberry picking, head to the National Mall for a family bike ride, take a quick trip to the beach, etc.

My husband is definitely not a “texter” the way I am and literally takes forever to respond to texts, even mine, so I have taken the reins on responses since I set up most of our get-togethers.

Honestly you sound pretty insufferable and judgmental yourself.

If your kid wants to play with his cousins and enjoys them make it happen.


If he doesn't care that much keep it to how it is and maybe throw in an extra okay date or to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s sister moved to the DMV last year and is constantly asking to get together for play dates between her kids,7 and 8 and my son, 6. We have never had a great relationship with her; she is very judgmental and has a holier than thou attitude. Her sons also are aggressive toward each other, hitting etc., which is not something I want my son to witness on a regular basis. Our kids are never going to be BFFs.

I have agreed to get the kids together for occasional holidays and some birthdays. My husband is pretty indifferent to his sister so he doesn’t care whether we get together or not. She has been very critical of him over the years, but has been Ms. Sweet to him ever since she moved here.

But the requests from her are now much more frequent, and I find myself making up excuses not to get together. My son has a good number of friends in the area, and we are regularly invited to play dates and birthday parties. I know my SIL is still trying to find her tribe.

How can I get her off my back? Or do I just suck it up and get the cousins together once a quarter?

Thanks for any advice on this.

Just tell her the truth. Yes, it will hurt feelings but you won't have to keep making excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we are doers on weekends and like to go strawberry picking, head to the National Mall for a family bike ride, take a quick trip to the beach, etc.

You can invite her in ways that seem welcoming but don't impede your plans.

"We'll be heading to Farm X late morning to pick strawberries. Feel free to meet us there!"

"We''ll be biking at the National Mall. Text if you're nearby and want to meet up for picnic snacks."

"We'll be at beach Y this weekend. Let us know if you want to meet up."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here! Thanks for the advice on this! Yes, SIL moved here last year when the Delta variant flared up to take a gov job. She mentioned feeling isolated after moving here and has been reaching out like crazy. I get it, she wants friends and friends for her kids. Her kids are definitely awkward and a bit odd. I don’t mind it but I can see how it might be difficult to make friends.


I also get the impression they are tight with money as SIL always wants to do something “simple” like go to a park. Nothing wrong with that but we are doers on weekends and like to go strawberry picking, head to the National Mall for a family bike ride, take a quick trip to the beach, etc.

My husband is definitely not a “texter” the way I am and literally takes forever to respond to texts, even mine, so I have taken the reins on responses since I set up most of our get-togethers.

Honestly you sound pretty insufferable and judgmental yourself.

If your kid wants to play with his cousins and enjoys them make it happen.


If he doesn't care that much keep it to how it is and maybe throw in an extra okay date or to.

+10000
OP, you do not sound nice. You have a lot of not nice things to say about those kids. THEY ARE KIDS. If you think your kids are perfect , you are delusional.
Pound sand.

[Anonymous]

OP, don’t you want your only child to have a sense of family? To know their cousins well? I grew up spending a ton of time with my cousins. I regret that my child isn’t close to her cousins (they live far away).I feel like you are being really selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here! Thanks for the advice on this! Yes, SIL moved here last year when the Delta variant flared up to take a gov job. She mentioned feeling isolated after moving here and has been reaching out like crazy. I get it, she wants friends and friends for her kids. Her kids are definitely awkward and a bit odd. I don’t mind it but I can see how it might be difficult to make friends.


I also get the impression they are tight with money as SIL always wants to do something “simple” like go to a park. Nothing wrong with that but we are doers on weekends and like to go strawberry picking, head to the National Mall for a family bike ride, take a quick trip to the beach, etc.

My husband is definitely not a “texter” the way I am and literally takes forever to respond to texts, even mine, so I have taken the reins on responses since I set up most of our get-togethers.

Honestly you sound pretty insufferable and judgmental yourself.

If your kid wants to play with his cousins and enjoys them make it happen.


If he doesn't care that much keep it to how it is and maybe throw in an extra okay date or to.

+10000
OP, you do not sound nice. You have a lot of not nice things to say about those kids. THEY ARE KIDS. If you think your kids are perfect , you are delusional.
Pound sand.

Oh look! SIL is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have excellent reasons yes, you get your child together with his local cousins at least once per quarter. Supervise well if they’re rowdy. Remember, you’re showing your kids how they should treat their family members when they’re adults.

So this!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, I do want a sense of family, and I agree now that it’s best to get the cousins together about once a quarter.

The big problem is SIL. She only started to become very nice to us when she moved here. She has treated my husband poorly over the years and hasn’t been very nice to me either. An example for context: She once told my husband that their father wasted his money on my husband’s Ivy League education. That really stung. My husband didn’t have much direction right after college but now makes around $300k and is doing well in his career.I know that comment was made by her years ago but it still stings to this day.

Now her tune has changed and she is in need of friends for her kids.

We’ve already got a solid group of friends that are like family here. We also have other cousins in MD that my son sees on a pretty regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you in charge of plans and logistics for your husband’s family?

“I’ll let Tim know you want to make a plan to get together; he’ll be in touch.”

+1 Boom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we are doers on weekends and like to go strawberry picking, head to the National Mall for a family bike ride, take a quick trip to the beach, etc.

You can invite her in ways that seem welcoming but don't impede your plans.

"We'll be heading to Farm X late morning to pick strawberries. Feel free to meet us there!"

"We''ll be biking at the National Mall. Text if you're nearby and want to meet up for picnic snacks."

"We'll be at beach Y this weekend. Let us know if you want to meet up."

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once every three months doesn’t seem like a lot. Those kids will settle down at some point. As an adult it will be nice for your son to know his cousins well. In your shoes I’d make it happen.

Can someone please explain to me why OP, herself, should be the one to “make it happen”? Can someone please explain to me why the advice is for OP to “make this happen” instead of her husband handling the logistics and relationships with his own sister?

I mean, my husband doesn’t have a vagina, but somehow he still manages to make us plans with his sister and her family every now and then.

YES! It is his damn problem. Make him handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, I do want a sense of family, and I agree now that it’s best to get the cousins together about once a quarter.

The big problem is SIL. She only started to become very nice to us when she moved here. She has treated my husband poorly over the years and hasn’t been very nice to me either. An example for context: She once told my husband that their father wasted his money on my husband’s Ivy League education. That really stung. My husband didn’t have much direction right after college but now makes around $300k and is doing well in his career.I know that comment was made by her years ago but it still stings to this day.

Now her tune has changed and she is in need of friends for her kids.

We’ve already got a solid group of friends that are like family here. We also have other cousins in MD that my son sees on a pretty regular basis.

Charity begins at home.