Hot and cold behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here .
I totally sympathize and understand people have bad days or
Sometimes don’t feel like chatting. I am like that myself sometimes.
What I am saying is She will be short with me but then I see her chatting/laughing with another mom or so on. That’s what’ makes me little self conscious and I feel like I’m in high school again lol!

I’m very introverted and easily overwhelmed. Some people have a gift for making that work- they know how to draw me out. It might just be an awkwardness thing on her part. I hear you though there’s a few moms that barely register me and we’ll only talk to my kid, but I see them chatting up other people. I have to except that that’s how they are and try not to take it personally. Occasionally we find something to connect on and then much warmer. There are a lot of us out there with really tragic social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here .
I totally sympathize and understand people have bad days or
Sometimes don’t feel like chatting. I am like that myself sometimes.
What I am saying is She will be short with me but then I see her chatting/laughing with another mom or so on. That’s what’ makes me little self conscious and I feel like I’m in high school again lol!

I’m very introverted and easily overwhelmed. Some people have a gift for making that work- they know how to draw me out. It might just be an awkwardness thing on her part. I hear you though there’s a few moms that barely register me and we’ll only talk to my kid, but I see them chatting up other people. I have to except that that’s how they are and try not to take it personally. Occasionally we find something to connect on and then much warmer. There are a lot of us out there with really tragic social skills.

Also tragic, my proofreading- spelling tonight!

[Anonymous]

I have this experience with a neighbor friend. We used to hang out in each other's homes, our families got along well, and the kids were best buds. Then she'd have periods when she's more withdrawn. OK, I figured it's nothing personal. What really got me was after we invited them over for a nice dinner, where everyone had a great time, she stopped responding to my texts. It was downright rude. Her kid started acting mean toward my child. At this point I concluded she had issues. When I did run into her in the neighborhood, I'd be cordial, nothing more.

[Anonymous]

You could be talking about me. I'm not a naturally social person or perceptive to social cues, and my thoughts are disorganized and I can only focus on one thing at a time. Making small talk with someone often requires a bit of forethought on my part, or luck, or a more outgoing person who is better at leading conversations than I am, or the good fortune of a common topic that I can have something to chime in with.

When my kids need my attention or focus or there is something else I'm thinking about, I get totally distracted in maintaining a conversation. I'm sure there's been many times people have felt like I have been hot and cold.

[Anonymous]

MY SIL is like this with me. I never know which person I am going to get from one interaction to the next. I am starting to be able to see the change over even in the middle of a generic "the weather is great" conversation so I just stop talking. I am training myself to grey rock, not care, drop the rope, etc. Just prepare yourself for the initial responses to be kind/normal and then the board will turn to it being that you are too needy and attention seeking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she a climber? There are so many women in this town who will walk right over you if you don’t have the status they’re seeking. I once worked for a woman like that. She actually turned her back (I mean physically) on a group of women who clearly had nothing to offer her.

This seems like it to me. Also it sucks but not everyone wants to be your friend. She may know the other women better as well. Or like PP said--she's a social climber.

[Anonymous]

Yes I know several social climbing women like this.