Hot and cold behavior

[Anonymous]

Please help me understand
My child plays with a boy from his class, so I see this mom often.
But she is so hot and cold .. sometimes we chat but other times
She is SO cold and if I ask a question she barley looks or gives a 1 word reply. But talking to others just fine.
It’s so bizarre. I’m sure it’s not about me, but I do feel conscious sometimes .
My ds does like playing w/ this friend so I feel bad but it’s happened a few times now.
Any suggestions on how to not let this get to me.

[Anonymous]

Don’t take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. She could be dealing with any one of a million things, all of which you have zero part of. So enjoy her company when she’s friendly, and when she’s silent, just know that’s who she is.

[Anonymous]

Uh this is me. I don’t realize I’m doing it until LATER. My problem is I have been working on for years.. low self-esteem. I have esteem in some areas, but not around others. I clam up. Like I said, I’m working on it. Sometimes I manage well. Other times things are on my mind, I can’t give my ‘anxiety’ (not anxiety, but whatever you wanna call it) all of my attention. So, I revert to my unsociable and nervous self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh this is me. I don’t realize I’m doing it until LATER. My problem is I have been working on for years.. low self-esteem. I have esteem in some areas, but not around others. I clam up. Like I said, I’m working on it. Sometimes I manage well. Other times things are on my mind, I can’t give my ‘anxiety’ (not anxiety, but whatever you wanna call it) all of my attention. So, I revert to my unsociable and nervous self.

Me again. I did it today. My kid was acting unexpectedly grumpy. It was an awkward day to feel grumpy (preschool graduation). I was there, and my kid threw me for a loop. We held it together, but I could only focus on the one thing. I wished I could have talked to more people because I may not be able to go to the party. I think normal people could manage both. But, I could see myself occupied by my kid and his issue today. I could almost reach out and wave and chat, but I just couldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh this is me. I don’t realize I’m doing it until LATER. My problem is I have been working on for years.. low self-esteem. I have esteem in some areas, but not around others. I clam up. Like I said, I’m working on it. Sometimes I manage well. Other times things are on my mind, I can’t give my ‘anxiety’ (not anxiety, but whatever you wanna call it) all of my attention. So, I revert to my unsociable and nervous self.

Me again. I did it today. My kid was acting unexpectedly grumpy. It was an awkward day to feel grumpy (preschool graduation). I was there, and my kid threw me for a loop. We held it together, but I could only focus on the one thing. I wished I could have talked to more people because I may not be able to go to the party. I think normal people could manage both. But, I could see myself occupied by my kid and his issue today. I could almost reach out and wave and chat, but I just couldn’t.

Same here. Sometimes I'm really chatty with the parents at the bus stop and other times I don't talk with them at all. Has 100% to do with how I/the kids slept, if we had a bad morning, if work is stressful etc. Nothing to do with the other parents. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to smile and make small talk through it.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes my head is in work mode and I barely have space in there for casual chit chat. Other times I'm fully present and can talk.

[Anonymous]

You don’t know what’s going on the the woman’s private life. I’m sure I would have been described like the hot and cold woman when my mom was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s at 54. My engagement or lack of engagement was based on grief and fear on her bad days and joy and engagement on her good days. Until there weren’t any more good days….

Be grateful that your life and mood are stable, OP. Be kind to her.

[Anonymous]

Take a snack for you to enjoy together and see if she’ll open up. People have bad days

[Anonymous]

OP here .
I totally sympathize and understand people have bad days or
Sometimes don’t feel like chatting. I am like that myself sometimes.
What I am saying is She will be short with me but then I see her chatting/laughing with another mom or so on. That’s what’ makes me little self conscious and I feel like I’m in high school again lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here .
I totally sympathize and understand people have bad days or
Sometimes don’t feel like chatting. I am like that myself sometimes.
What I am saying is She will be short with me but then I see her chatting/laughing with another mom or so on. That’s what’ makes me little self conscious and I feel like I’m in high school again lol!

I don't mean this in a cruel way even though it will sound mean: the way you write here, is annoying. You're not writing a poem. Maybe the way you talk in person is also annoying and sometimes she has more patience for you than other times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here .
I totally sympathize and understand people have bad days or
Sometimes don’t feel like chatting. I am like that myself sometimes.
What I am saying is She will be short with me but then I see her chatting/laughing with another mom or so on. That’s what’ makes me little self conscious and I feel like I’m in high school again lol!

I don't mean this in a cruel way even though it will sound mean: the way you write here, is annoying. You're not writing a poem. Maybe the way you talk in person is also annoying and sometimes she has more patience for you than other times.

Wow so mean. If you don’t have anything nice to say please don’t say anything at all.

[Anonymous]

She may not like you, OP. It’s not the end of the world. There was someone I really wanted to be friends with who simply didn’t like me. I’m always cordial but just accept I wasn’t her cup of tea.

[Anonymous]

Is she a climber? There are so many women in this town who will walk right over you if you don’t have the status they’re seeking. I once worked for a woman like that. She actually turned her back (I mean physically) on a group of women who clearly had nothing to offer her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh this is me. I don’t realize I’m doing it until LATER. My problem is I have been working on for years.. low self-esteem. I have esteem in some areas, but not around others. I clam up. Like I said, I’m working on it. Sometimes I manage well. Other times things are on my mind, I can’t give my ‘anxiety’ (not anxiety, but whatever you wanna call it) all of my attention. So, I revert to my unsociable and nervous self.

I'm like this too. I feel SO awkward sometimes and really have to psych myself up to make an effort to be friendly and not shy but sometimes I'm not in the right headspace. It can be easier to talk to someone else if I know of a specific conversation topic or have to mention something related to our kids or something than I if I'm like "make conversation! Be interesting! But not overly personal! God, I'm so boring, I have nothing to say!"

Anyway, advice my mom gave me that I STILL repeat to myself 20 years later is "when in doubt always do the friendly thing." I now give this to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here .
I totally sympathize and understand people have bad days or
Sometimes don’t feel like chatting. I am like that myself sometimes.
What I am saying is She will be short with me but then I see her chatting/laughing with another mom or so on. That’s what’ makes me little self conscious and I feel like I’m in high school again lol!

NP. There is a woman like that in my social circle. Some days she’s my BFF; other days my presence seems to annoy her. She is a climber like someone mentioned below and I’m not connected. After a few years of trying to figure her out, I finally took my husband’s advice and distanced myself almost entirely. I am too old for this stuff.