Mother rubs my failures in my face

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she must have done a terrible job raising you. In other words, you can be the failure you rub in HER face.
Kidding, really. I think you should talk to her less. Much less.

That could be fun! “Mom, I’ve thought a lot about it and came to the conclusion that my lack of success is in fact your fault. You failed me a lot of ways that are really coming to light now . . . “

[Anonymous]

Have you ever confronted her about it? Not to start a fight but to tell ger she’s hurting your feelings? Also, you should know it’s not normal for the mother to update the siblings about each other. Just not normal. You would talk to them yourself or ask about them if you wanted. Her giving you updates is strange.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is trying to get a rise out of you—don’t give it to her. Say, “yes I know, I talked to Jason yesterday” and immediately move on. Eventually she’ll get bored with this game, it may take months or a year, but she’ll have to move on.

[Anonymous]

Op you really cannot stop other people's behaviour. The only thing you can do is love your own life and believe in yourself. When you stop caring about your mothers opinion of you, it simply won't matter what she says.

If she mentions the PHD again why not say to her that you aren't going to do a PHD and have no interest in that. You can be happy for your siblings that they are interested in that but you do what you want to. If she isn't happy about you not doing a PHD or thinks you have a mediocre life that is all about her, it is her opinion, her thoughts, her attitudes, it doesn't make it true or correct.

Honestly learning to not care about other people's opinions is very freeing.

[Anonymous]

stop talking to her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever confronted her about it? Not to start a fight but to tell ger she’s hurting your feelings? Also, you should know it’s not normal for the mother to update the siblings about each other. Just not normal. You would talk to them yourself or ask about them if you wanted. Her giving you updates is strange.

Yes. She accuses me of being jealous. She's not wrong, and I AM a failure, but at 47, I'll never make partner or become a high-ranking military officer, so this isn't motivation or tough love, it's just cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever confronted her about it? Not to start a fight but to tell ger she’s hurting your feelings? Also, you should know it’s not normal for the mother to update the siblings about each other. Just not normal. You would talk to them yourself or ask about them if you wanted. Her giving you updates is strange.

Yes. She accuses me of being jealous. She's not wrong, and I AM a failure, but at 47, I'll never make partner or become a high-ranking military officer, so this isn't motivation or tough love, it's just cruel.

NP: Just to be clear for the people in the back, a person is not a failure because they're not professionally accomplished. Society NEEDS gas station attendants and clothing store managers and Costco employees and phlebotomists and receptionists, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever confronted her about it? Not to start a fight but to tell ger she’s hurting your feelings? Also, you should know it’s not normal for the mother to update the siblings about each other. Just not normal. You would talk to them yourself or ask about them if you wanted. Her giving you updates is strange.

Yes. She accuses me of being jealous. She's not wrong, and I AM a failure, but at 47, I'll never make partner or become a high-ranking military officer, so this isn't motivation or tough love, it's just cruel.

NP: Just to be clear for the people in the back, a person is not a failure because they're not professionally accomplished. Society NEEDS gas station attendants and clothing store managers and Costco employees and phlebotomists and receptionists, etc.

OP here. That doesn't make them not a failure professionally. Just so we're clear.

[Anonymous]

Why are you taking her calls, now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever confronted her about it? Not to start a fight but to tell ger she’s hurting your feelings? Also, you should know it’s not normal for the mother to update the siblings about each other. Just not normal. You would talk to them yourself or ask about them if you wanted. Her giving you updates is strange.

Yes. She accuses me of being jealous. She's not wrong, and I AM a failure, but at 47, I'll never make partner or become a high-ranking military officer, so this isn't motivation or tough love, it's just cruel.

NP: Just to be clear for the people in the back, a person is not a failure because they're not professionally accomplished. Society NEEDS gas station attendants and clothing store managers and Costco employees and phlebotomists and receptionists, etc.

OP here. That doesn't make them not a failure professionally. Just so we're clear.

You're still not getting it. I'm a legal secretary. I get great reviews, solid bonuses twice a year, my attorneys like me, my coworkers like me, the clients like me. Partners ask to have me as their secretary. I am not a professional failure just because I'm not a judge. I'm a success AT THE JOB I HAVE. You see?

[Anonymous]

There is always someone more successful than you OP. You can’t win. Your siblings could be more successful than they are now… your brother could be a general abs your sister could be a bigger partner of a bigger law firm. You can’t compare yourself. You are NOT a failure because you make less money or are less educated than them. You have a child and you should change perspective for him/her.