We were too permissive with eldest child now trying to be different with youngest… advice ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair does not mean equal. I say this to my kids all the time.

But, that is nearly always a transparent excuse for blatant favoritism. Your childern see right through you.

Not OP, but I say the same thing, Fair does not mean equal. There is no way I'll let my 13yr. old do everything my 16yr. old does!

Age means nothing and by acting as if it does you are being unfair, The only factors should maturity and how each of them handles a specific privilege.

So are you saying to the OP, age doesn't matter? She has an 18yr. old and a 16yr. old. Age does matter!

Because I don't play favoritism, age matters to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair does not mean equal. I say this to my kids all the time.

But, that is nearly always a transparent excuse for blatant favoritism. Your childern see right through you.

Not OP, but I say the same thing, Fair does not mean equal. There is no way I'll let my 13yr. old do everything my 16yr. old does!

Age means nothing and by acting as if it does you are being unfair, The only factors should maturity and how each of them handles a specific privilege.

So are you saying to the OP, age doesn't matter? She has an 18yr. old and a 16yr. old. Age does matter!

Because I don't play favoritism, age matters to me!

Yes i am saying age doesn't matter, If you remove age as a factor what is a significant difference between a 16 and an 18 year old? In some cases a younger child may be more mature than an older one and there for should get more privileges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eldest 18, younger sister 16. She, of course, will say it’s unfair, but We’ve learned a few things along the way.

You haven't learned that punishing your youngest for the sins of the oldest will breed resentment in the younger, entitlement in the elder.

This. I was punished for the behavior of my brother, and it hurt both of us. We were two completely different people.

Respond to the person your 16 is right now OP. It's hard to change course when there is only a two year age difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair does not mean equal. I say this to my kids all the time.

But, that is nearly always a transparent excuse for blatant favoritism. Your childern see right through you.

If it were favoritism then it would be one kid getting their way all the time, but that's not the case in our household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eldest 18, younger sister 16. She, of course, will say it’s unfair, but We’ve learned a few things along the way.

At this point, it is a little late to change up your parenting, doncha think? Sure you can now use the excuse that 18 yr old is legally an adult, but all you will achieve is to increase conflict with the younger child.

[Anonymous]

I agree it's too late to change drastically - and honestly kids with less restrictions end up way better in terms of self esteem, confidence and independence than the kids of helicopter parents = like 10000x better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is usually the other way around. Parents are strict and restrictive with the eldest and loosen up as time goes on. This was true in my family, my oldest brother bore the brunt of it and my youngest brother got away with murder because my parents were over it at that point.

Oldest here. My experience absolutely! Of course, the first two were girls, then the baby brother got away with EVERYTHING.

Oh did my teen self rage at the injustice when I drove a third hand minivan and they bought him a brand new Ford Explorer with a cell phone! LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's too late to change drastically - and honestly kids with less restrictions end up way better in terms of self esteem, confidence and independence than the kids of helicopter parents = like 10000x better.

ITA. Just have a few ground rules (curfew, letting parents know if plans change, etc.).