We were too permissive with eldest child now trying to be different with youngest… advice ?

[Anonymous]

Eldest 18, younger sister 16. She, of course, will say it’s unfair, but We’ve learned a few things along the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eldest 18, younger sister 16. She, of course, will say it’s unfair, but We’ve learned a few things along the way.

You haven't learned that punishing your youngest for the sins of the oldest will breed resentment in the younger, entitlement in the elder.

[Anonymous]

Parent each child for who they are. Good lord, if I were held accountable for my older brother's antics, they'd have put me in a nunnery!

[Anonymous]

Fair does not mean equal. I say this to my kids all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair does not mean equal. I say this to my kids all the time.

But, that is nearly always a transparent excuse for blatant favoritism. Your childern see right through you.

[Anonymous]

Uh huh.

I’m pretty sure oldest child was a boy and now you’ve seen the light when your daughter wants freedom.

Your kid sees right through your BS too.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this is usually the other way around. Parents are strict and restrictive with the eldest and loosen up as time goes on. This was true in my family, my oldest brother bore the brunt of it and my youngest brother got away with murder because my parents were over it at that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is usually the other way around. Parents are strict and restrictive with the eldest and loosen up as time goes on. This was true in my family, my oldest brother bore the brunt of it and my youngest brother got away with murder because my parents were over it at that point.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Uh huh.

I’m pretty sure oldest child was a boy and now you’ve seen the light when your daughter wants freedom.

Your kid sees right through your BS too.

+1

I almost positive this is a gender thing and it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Let the punishment fit the crime, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have gotten good advice, I hope you follow it.

What sort of things were you too permissive about anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair does not mean equal. I say this to my kids all the time.

But, that is nearly always a transparent excuse for blatant favoritism. Your childern see right through you.

Not OP, but I say the same thing, Fair does not mean equal. There is no way I'll let my 13yr. old do everything my 16yr. old does!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair does not mean equal. I say this to my kids all the time.

But, that is nearly always a transparent excuse for blatant favoritism. Your childern see right through you.

Not OP, but I say the same thing, Fair does not mean equal. There is no way I'll let my 13yr. old do everything my 16yr. old does!

Equal would be letting him do the things that the 16 year old did when he was 13. If you have to make an excuse for doing otherwise, you should be aware that your kids aren't buying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fair does not mean equal. I say this to my kids all the time.

But, that is nearly always a transparent excuse for blatant favoritism. Your childern see right through you.

Not OP, but I say the same thing, Fair does not mean equal. There is no way I'll let my 13yr. old do everything my 16yr. old does!

Age means nothing and by acting as if it does you are being unfair, The only factors should maturity and how each of them handles a specific privilege.

[Anonymous]

no, don't do this.