Surname change after adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not change his last name-6 year olds don’t decide stuff like this. If your brother died before his child was born how would changing the child’s last name after seversl years ferl to you snd your parents? It’s ghastly.

I don’t think it would be ghastly. I would want my nephew to have the last name of his adopted father and the only father he ever knew. My concern would be for how my nephew felt and not how I felt. My parents would agree with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A six year old cannot fully comprehend what it means to change his name. Keep his name as-is. When he is a late teen or at 18, he can elect to change it then if he wants.

This.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think any option is horrible but I would be inclined to not change your son’s name. If I were you I might actually revert to my maiden name (even though that would make you a three name family lol) because I think I would feel weird about keeping my first husband’s name while married to my second but also weird about changing my name but not my son’s.

[Anonymous]

I vote for keeping names as they are.

[Anonymous]

6 year olds understand. Does he want to adopted?

[Anonymous]

Another outlier but I say all take the same name - the new husband’s/new father’s name and be a family. It would be different if OP kept her own name or the boy remembered his father. As far as the little boy is concerned, this is his first father and he’s going to be adopted by him so it’s more thank a step-dad’s name.

This is one of the few times I think names matter.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t change my name when I got married. We are a 2 mom family and DD has wife’s name. In this situation though I would change my name and my sons as he seems willing to do so. Maybe he can have his bio dads name as a middle name? I would do something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A six year old cannot fully comprehend what it means to change his name. Keep his name as-is. When he is a late teen or at 18, he can elect to change it then if he wants.

This.

disagree. He knows he has a bio dad who died. He knows this new man wants to be his dad and raise help raise him and be part of his family. It’s sweet he wants to change his name to new Dad.

[Anonymous]

I think you have set up the right choice-- whatever you choose, your DS should not be odd man out here. So if he keeps his biological father's name, you should keep that name, too, or revert to your own given name.

If you decide to change his name, could you use his given last name as his middle name? So instead of Larlo John Smith, he becomes Larlo Smith Henderson? Or you and he could hyphenate and both be Smith- Hendersons?

TBH, though, I think he is too young to make this decision, as he could have very strong regrets about it later. I think I'd be inclined to keep his (and your) last names as they are, and if he wants to change it down the road, then you both could do it then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is 1950 and you are Donna Reed? Keep your own name, gurrll!

Too late for that. She already took one man’s name, now she’s conflicted about taking another’s.

This is why it’s so idiotic to change your name based on who you’re with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A six year old cannot fully comprehend what it means to change his name. Keep his name as-is. When he is a late teen or at 18, he can elect to change it then if he wants.

This.

disagree. He knows he has a bio dad who died. He knows this new man wants to be his dad and raise help raise him and be part of his family. It’s sweet he wants to change his name to new Dad.

But it doesn't sound like he "wants" to necessarily, it sounds like he was asked and he didn't say no.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, my son wants to be adopted and loves his new dad. He has no opinion on his name change however - at least not yet. He likes that his new Dad’s name is shorter and will take less time to write!

As I said, if my son doesn’t take my new husband’s name I won’t either. We left the door open to possibly having another child together but right now neither wants another.

[Anonymous]

OP again. And yes, if my son and I take my new husband’s name, I will make his biological father’s last name (which is his current last name) his middle name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another outlier but I say all take the same name - the new husband’s/new father’s name and be a family. It would be different if OP kept her own name or the boy remembered his father. As far as the little boy is concerned, this is his first father and he’s going to be adopted by him so it’s more thank a step-dad’s name.

This is one of the few times I think names matter.

+1 When I was 7, my best friend was in the same situation as your son. Her, her brother, and their mom all had the new Dad's last name and she called him Dad. 6yos are incredibly adaptable and resilient.

[Anonymous]

My vote is to change his name (and yours) to your new husband’s/dad’s last name. And I am a woman who’s kept her name while my kids have my husbands name. Your creating a new family and your boy is going to have a dad for the first time. Make it a big deal and make it special.

We’re in Los Angeles so it might be different where you live but going to the courthouse and signing the final adoption papers is a joyful big deal. LA devoted one day a month to adoptions and no other business so the waiting room is also joy-filled and festive with family and friends. Adding his new dad’s name to his on this day would be lovely!!

All the best, OP!