Are only children more or less mature for their age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 9yo only. In some ways I think she is mature and she is definitely independent in some ways, like socially she in independent, makes friends with random kids on vacation, will pay for things herself in a store etc…….but at home I probably do too much for her because it’s easier. Like if she wants an apple with PB I make it for her, before she goes to swim practice I make sure everything is in her bag…….. I know she could do these things but because she’s my only I just do them,

I make lunch but have DS pack his bag. I check it and we are working on going through at the end of the day and cleaning out things he doesn't need. He could make his own lunch but then I couldn't "sneak in" a treat. He normally buys and his Dad doesn't add anything fun when he packs his lunch. It is silly, I know.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the kid. I've seen it both ways. My daughter was an only for 8 years and in many ways was more mature and a better student. In some ways she struggled socially. I've seen some of her friends (only children) on playdates and they expected ME to play with them. No way!!

My younger child (8 years younger) is far more independent than any only children I've seen. However, maturity wise, she's clearly not where her sister was at that age. Vocabulary is not quite where the older one was at a similar age, but her IQ is higher and her problem solving skills are more advanced. The younger one is a much more lateral thinker than the older linear thinker, hence the refined problem solving skills.

[Anonymous]

Mine is tracking more mature than her peers, at 10 yo. But she lacks some of the group social skills/confidence that other kids have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still young, so my perceptions may change. But 2nd grade DD's two closest friends are both onlies. My observation is that they struggle a lot more with the challenges of interpersonal interaction and expect a lot more adult support to navigate them. It is very common for them to have a meltdown over something not going their way during a playdate/party. They are great kids, and in the long run I'm sure this evens out. But at elementary age, my kids seem a lot more resilient and able to independently navigate interpersonal interactions...mostly because they have to fight it out amongst themselves all the time

My only essentially never has that problem. Can’t remember the last time that happened with her.

Mine either. He was in daycare and then Preschool because we both worked. We arranged playdates and found opportunities for him to play with other kids. He does not have a sibling but he has been among other kids in a school or play or social environment his entire life. And all of our friends who have more then one kid know that we are up for their kid being dropped off to play with ours if we are home. We arrange a lot of the get togethers. DS is old enough now that he is going out and knocking on his neighborhood friends doors to see if they want to play but many of his friends are a bit further away so we still do some arranging when he asks us to. That will change when they start getting phones, but that is still a few years off.

This is my experience too. My only has been around kids at daycare, preschool, and elementary all his life. He can see the bigger picture and does not get hung up on the little stuff (like who got more legos etc). He actually helps resolve conflicts between siblings so they can get back to the fun stuff. It is really great to watch his confidence and security in action.

[Anonymous]

It depends on many factors. There’s no blanket generalization that applies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more independent and also tend to have more advanced communication skills. They also seem to have more confidence on average, probably because they feel extremely secure in their parents love. However, they can also struggle more with peer conflict because they don’t get any practice with siblings.

I agree with this. They appear more mature, but there are peer to peer social gaps, so I’m not convinced they are actual ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is tracking more mature than her peers, at 10 yo. But she lacks some of the group social skills/confidence that other kids have.

+1 This is my 10 year old only. She is more mature and comfortable with adults/teachers. But she's struggling more dealing with conflict among her peers. The pandemic made this worse. She'll eventually learn but its a bit rocky right now as emotions are also getting real.

[Anonymous]

Are only children more or less mature for their age?

Yes.

Seriously, there are so many factors that shape maturity, and so many different ways to define maturity (e.g., peer skills, responsibility, language development, ability to relate to adults, etc.) that there's no easy or universal answer to this question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are still young, so my perceptions may change. But 2nd grade DD's two closest friends are both onlies. My observation is that they struggle a lot more with the challenges of interpersonal interaction and expect a lot more adult support to navigate them. It is very common for them to have a meltdown over something not going their way during a playdate/party. They are great kids, and in the long run I'm sure this evens out. But at elementary age, my kids seem a lot more resilient and able to independently navigate interpersonal interactions...mostly because they have to fight it out amongst themselves all the time

My only essentially never has that problem. Can’t remember the last time that happened with her.

Mine either. He was in daycare and then Preschool because we both worked. We arranged playdates and found opportunities for him to play with other kids. He does not have a sibling but he has been among other kids in a school or play or social environment his entire life. And all of our friends who have more then one kid know that we are up for their kid being dropped off to play with ours if we are home. We arrange a lot of the get togethers. DS is old enough now that he is going out and knocking on his neighborhood friends doors to see if they want to play but many of his friends are a bit further away so we still do some arranging when he asks us to. That will change when they start getting phones, but that is still a few years off.

This is my experience too. My only has been around kids at daycare, preschool, and elementary all his life. He can see the bigger picture and does not get hung up on the little stuff (like who got more legos etc). He actually helps resolve conflicts between siblings so they can get back to the fun stuff. It is really great to watch his confidence and security in action.

This was our DD as well. She went with the flow easily in social situations. Still does. But as a PP mentioned, I was guilty of doing too much for her for too long because it was easier. So she was a little behind on the life skills types of things but that was on me.

[Anonymous]

I know that I do too much for my only, things like helping tie his shoes, cut his sandwich, lay out his clothes, etc., and I see other kids his age doing these things on their own because their parents are busy with other kids, so in that sense he is less mature.

But, he is very confident in the presence of adults, and has no problem sitting in a room full of grown ups and finding something to talk about or something to do. We are also able to chase his dreams a bit more than larger families, so if he has an interest in space let's say, we'll talk about that at dinner, watch youtubes, read books, and go to the space museum, because we have the time and mind to do it, and I think that makes him a bit more mature in many ways.

As others have said, it's a mixed bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more independent and also tend to have more advanced communication skills. They also seem to have more confidence on average, probably because they feel extremely secure in their parents love. However, they can also struggle more with peer conflict because they don’t get any practice with siblings.

This. DD’s two friends she has over the most are only children and both girls have a confidence and maturity that dd does not have. They know how to talk to adults (make eye contact and smile). Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but the common denominator between them is that they are only children.

[Anonymous]

I think they are more mature when younger and more independent. When they are teens they tend to be very awkward and a bit annoying to other kids. They don't seem to grasp social dynamics as well. It can be that way into college but then they seem to even out a bit. I have teens/college now and 9 times out of 10 I can tell an only on first interaction.

[Anonymous]

My only is about to turn 9, and we had in-person school during the pandemic which I mention because that was such a big social development period (roughly age 7-9). She is more mature than her peers - bigger vocabulary, complex ideas and jokes, comfortable with adults, comfortable speaking up in class / disagreeing with friends. She's extremely outgoing and will make friends with any random kid at a park.

I have not seen peer to peer issues such as sharing or arguing over activities since she was 5 or 6. IMO this is because she knows she do it her own way at home, so there is no pressure to get her way right then.

The one place I notice immaturity is in media consumption or acting grown up. She's very much a little kid who likes little kid things. She has classmates who are mooning over actors, or watching scary movies, or who don't want to run around at recess because it's not grown up, and DD is the opposite of that. We have definitely sheltered her from certain movies and worries. But to the extent I notice a trend in which kids are more "socially mature" in this way, they are kids with older siblings. TBH those are also our most difficult playdates because the kids push boundaries so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they are more mature when younger and more independent. When they are teens they tend to be very awkward and a bit annoying to other kids. They don't seem to grasp social dynamics as well. It can be that way into college but then they seem to even out a bit. I have teens/college now and 9 times out of 10 I can tell an only on first interaction.

I don't believe you at all. I believe you want to see this because hating on only children is a cool thing to do, but it's just not accurate.

[Anonymous]

Same the kids with older siblings are more precocious and talking about bf/ gf and crushes in kindergarten. My only is perfect. I hate these threads and the only judgement. My super social only is popular, kind, smart, and well behaved. It’s who he is. It’s our parenting. He was good at independent play as a baby and toddler long before most other peers had siblings. We teach him to smile and say Hello. Kids are messed up because of the pandemic but also because this area is filled with socially inept parents.