If you grew up in a loving, secure home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure. People are human beings. They get aggravated and yell at each other. It doesn't mean they don't love each other.

There was plenty of yelling in my house. But never a threat of physical violence. And never personal insults - there is a big difference between "You are acting dumb" and "You are dumb."

There is something to the stereotype of Italians and Jews doing a lot of yelling but loving each their families like crazy.

+1. I don’t recall any fighting between my mom and dad…they pretty much always presented a united front. There was plenty of raised voices/yelling at us kids, but there was no “fighting dirty”. No insults, just loud exasperation at our various antics

[Anonymous]

Sure. My parents occasionally yelled at us.

[Anonymous]

Yes but they believed in spanking. I would occasionally see them bicker but it wasn't very often.

[Anonymous]

Get upset: yes, especially if we did something unsafe or put them in the position of not knowing where we were (pre-cell phone era so it happened sometimes).

Yelling: no because that wasn’t how either of them expressed angry much, so there was snapping and scolding but no yelling. I don’t think yelling is inherently worse than the really pissed silence/disappointment my parents deployed.

Parents fighting: almost never as a young child, possibly because I wasn’t paying enough attention? I remember noticing them bickering a lot more as I got to be a tween and went through a phase where I worried it was serious (I think one of my friends’ parents were divorcing at that age) and then realized that nope it was just that they were actually people in a normal relationship and didn’t always agree on everything. I think they did a good job of modeling reasonable adult behavior at age appropriate levels all told.

[Anonymous]

Yes, occasionally, and yes, occasionally. And sometimes we got spanked, and it was not some traumatic event. And sometimes my kids got yelled at or even spanked.

And amazingly, my siblings and I have Ivy and/or Top 10 degrees and lead productive lives.

Overall context is everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, occasionally, and yes, occasionally. And sometimes we got spanked, and it was not some traumatic event. And sometimes my kids got yelled at or even spanked.

And amazingly, my siblings and I have Ivy and/or Top 10 degrees and lead productive lives.

Overall context is everything.

+1 although I don’t yell at or spank my kids. But my parents spanked me and fought with each other too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes and yes. Often! But it never felt threatening. I never felt unsafe.

This. It was always fair fighting and uncomfortable but not scary.

[Anonymous]

No and no. Perhaps because I grew up in single parent household!

[Anonymous]

I am 36 and have never heard either of my parents yell, ever. My dad’s anger outlet is to shut down and avoid conflict by going to work extra, my mom’s frustration comes as tears and extra baking.

So there were absolutely times my parents were upset, but it was never yelling, name calling, insulting, rude. Just my parents needing a few hours to process the emotions before they could discuss them rationally.

I am grateful.

[Anonymous]

Yelling at us, spanking, arguing with each other. But no cussing or derogatory put downs. Mostly my parents would just get stressed or frustrated (with us or each other) and were prone to yell. But I always felt very safe and secure and well loved by them both, even if their examples didn’t teach me how to process my own short fuse very well, which I’m not unlearning as an adult with my own young child.

[Anonymous]

now* unlearning as an adult ^^^

[Anonymous]

Ha! Yes and yes. Lots of Irish and German tempers. Lots of warmth and affection.

[Anonymous]

My parents never yelled at me. Not once.

I heard them yell at each other one time. I was upstairs and my brother was a baby and my mom yelled at my dad something about moving the damn chair so she could sit down. That was it.

Interestingly, they divorced when I was 22, so it's not like they were just perfectly happy, I just think neither of them were yellers.

[Anonymous]

Yes, kids are exasperating sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, kids are exasperating sometimes.

Me again. They didn’t really fight with each other though. Not that I recall.