Friends with the ex spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my family everyone stays connected after divorce. Probably because of kids. So exes routinely talk to current spouses and see them at events. But I think we are unusual.

Connected or actual friends/besties? The former is normal, the latter is strange AF.

Also, it's weird she wants to identify with the ex-wife and thinks she is so much like her. And wants her to commiserate with her about the ex??? There's a reason this woman divorced her 'dreamboat' and I'm sure she's thinking 'good luck with that!'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She does not want to be your bestie.

I’m not looking for a bestie. They are divorced for 5 years and we’re separated 5 years before that. They have adult kids so if things get serious with him as he has said he wants to, she is in my life no matter what.

5 year separation?! What is his underlying issue? Did he go high conflict litigation divorce?

No I don’t think so. They fought over the house but ultimately he walked away from it and gave it to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my family everyone stays connected after divorce. Probably because of kids. So exes routinely talk to current spouses and see them at events. But I think we are unusual.

Connected or actual friends/besties? The former is normal, the latter is strange AF.

Also, it's weird she wants to identify with the ex-wife and thinks she is so much like her. And wants her to commiserate with her about the ex??? There's a reason this woman divorced her 'dreamboat' and I'm sure she's thinking 'good luck with that!'.

You’re reading a lot into this. It’s more like, they have kids together, and I can empathize with the reasons she divorced him some of which I likely don’t know yet, but in any case I want this woman to know I’m on her team when it comes to looking out for their kids, and will encourage him to do things he might not otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my family everyone stays connected after divorce. Probably because of kids. So exes routinely talk to current spouses and see them at events. But I think we are unusual.

Connected or actual friends/besties? The former is normal, the latter is strange AF.

Also, it's weird she wants to identify with the ex-wife and thinks she is so much like her. And wants her to commiserate with her about the ex??? There's a reason this woman divorced her 'dreamboat' and I'm sure she's thinking 'good luck with that!'.

You’re reading a lot into this. It’s more like, they have kids together, and I can empathize with the reasons she divorced him some of which I likely don’t know yet, but in any case I want this woman to know I’m on her team when it comes to looking out for their kids, and will encourage him to do things he might not otherwise.

You aren't even married to the guy. All of this is sicko on your part. And 'on her team'? Focus on yourself. Quit trying to insert yourself into another woman's life.

[Anonymous]

For those saying “you aren’t even married to the guy,” well obviously. This is just idle contemplation. FWIW he is head over heels and already making joking references to our future life together as a married couple and has felt this way since we first met though I told him to hold on and slow down. This is just a thought experiment I’m not a stalker good lord.

[Anonymous]

She does not want to be friends with you. Stop being weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She does not want to be your bestie.

I’m not looking for a bestie. They are divorced for 5 years and we’re separated 5 years before that. They have adult kids so if things get serious with him as he has said he wants to, she is in my life no matter what.

No offense but this guy sounds like a loser you cannot count on. That's fine for a date or beach trip here or there but he sounds quite immature and problematic.

Their kids are adults now. You don't need to do anything. SUre be nice if you see here, but you really have no clue what they went through or any team projects to do. The kids don't need much.

The mom raised them and had to go through a messy FIVE year separation and then FIVE or so years of divorced coparenting with this guy. Who knows what custody time he actually did or what he did during it. He sounds like a disaster.

She also probably was the one to ID the marital, relationship and parenting issues, try a bunch of things out to no avail, and then do all the separation and divorce paperwork and negotiation with this guy who sounds like an idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those saying “you aren’t even married to the guy,” well obviously. This is just idle contemplation. FWIW he is head over heels and already making joking references to our future life together as a married couple and has felt this way since we first met though I told him to hold on and slow down. This is just a thought experiment I’m not a stalker good lord.

He is masking big time. Be ready for a personality change once you get locked down as his caretaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those saying “you aren’t even married to the guy,” well obviously. This is just idle contemplation. FWIW he is head over heels and already making joking references to our future life together as a married couple and has felt this way since we first met though I told him to hold on and slow down. This is just a thought experiment I’m not a stalker good lord.

He is masking big time. Be ready for a personality change once you get locked down as his caretaker.

I already stayed silent when he said he loved me and told him I have to know that he will be there and come through for me before I can truly feel that way about him. Again this is just idle daydreaming. None of this is even close to happening. Their kids btw are 24-30 so most of the stuff people imagine above occurred when the oldest two were over 18 and out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anybody eventually develop a friends relationship with your partners ex spouse? Dating someone divorced and I have not met her but think I would like this woman so much. I weirdly kind of identify with her every time I see a shortcoming in him, and not that I would talk to her about it, but that that same traits that made him interested in both of us are a reason we would get along. Weird, I know.

Awe that’s so nice and mature of you to feel this way! I am friendly with my ExH’s new wife. She is so cool. I’d like to be more friends with her than we are. We have a lot in common, perhaps unsurprisingly. I’ve invited her to do things a few times,
We send over cookies occasionally and share recipes. That’s it though. But if not for the other part of our connection (she had an affair with my ex husband 😡) we’d probably be good friends! It’s complicated, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody eventually develop a friends relationship with your partners ex spouse? Dating someone divorced and I have not met her but think I would like this woman so much. I weirdly kind of identify with her every time I see a shortcoming in him, and not that I would talk to her about it, but that that same traits that made him interested in both of us are a reason we would get along. Weird, I know.

Awe that’s so nice and mature of you to feel this way! I am friendly with my ExH’s new wife. She is so cool. I’d like to be more friends with her than we are. We have a lot in common, perhaps unsurprisingly. I’ve invited her to do things a few times,
We send over cookies occasionally and share recipes. That’s it though. But if not for the other part of our connection (she had an affair with my ex husband 😡) we’d probably be good friends! It’s complicated, right?

Well, probably NOT. I don't associate/befriend people that are in affairs. I would say we had nothing in common because I'd never bang a married man, especially one with a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody eventually develop a friends relationship with your partners ex spouse? Dating someone divorced and I have not met her but think I would like this woman so much. I weirdly kind of identify with her every time I see a shortcoming in him, and not that I would talk to her about it, but that that same traits that made him interested in both of us are a reason we would get along. Weird, I know.

Awe that’s so nice and mature of you to feel this way! I am friendly with my ExH’s new wife. She is so cool. I’d like to be more friends with her than we are. We have a lot in common, perhaps unsurprisingly. I’ve invited her to do things a few times,
We send over cookies occasionally and share recipes. That’s it though. But if not for the other part of our connection (she had an affair with my ex husband 😡) we’d probably be good friends! It’s complicated, right?

I could be wrong, but I suspect this poster is mocking you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anybody eventually develop a friends relationship with your partners ex spouse? Dating someone divorced and I have not met her but think I would like this woman so much. I weirdly kind of identify with her every time I see a shortcoming in him, and not that I would talk to her about it, but that that same traits that made him interested in both of us are a reason we would get along. Weird, I know.

Awe that’s so nice and mature of you to feel this way! I am friendly with my ExH’s new wife. She is so cool. I’d like to be more friends with her than we are. We have a lot in common, perhaps unsurprisingly. I’ve invited her to do things a few times,
We send over cookies occasionally and share recipes. That’s it though. But if not for the other part of our connection (she had an affair with my ex husband 😡) we’d probably be good friends! It’s complicated, right?

I could be wrong, but I suspect this poster is mocking you OP.

Thanks for the tip, Sherlock.

[Anonymous]

I was in a three year relationship with a guy whose wife had recently left him for another man, just before we met. During that time we would go to family events at her house, she and I got along fine after initial awkwardness.

When he cheated on me and then dumped me for the OW his ex was there for me in many ways. She and I are still friends years later.

[Anonymous]

My current husband is friendly with my ex husband. They're not friends exactly, but they both took all the kids to a baseball game once, and a couple of times they've run into each other out and about, and then gone for lunch or a beer together.