Friends with the ex spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anybody eventually develop a friends relationship with your partners ex spouse? Dating someone divorced and I have not met her but think I would like this woman so much. I weirdly kind of identify with her every time I see a shortcoming in him, and not that I would talk to her about it, but that that same traits that made him interested in both of us are a reason we would get along. Weird, I know.

[Anonymous]

Does HE get along with her? Why did they split?

[Anonymous]

Uh, no. My wife of 20 years has spoken to my ex twice, both "Hi how are you" at long ago family gatherings.
I have never met my wife's ex, have no desire to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does HE get along with her? Why did they split?

I’m pretty sure it was his fault tbh. They get along well enough since they are parents to three kids but I’m sure it requires a lot of energy on her part. I sometimes coach him on how to better to her and he appreciates it.

[Anonymous]

She does not want to be your bestie.

[Anonymous]

My brother’s ex-wife became friend’s with his girlfriend after they broke up. Like a support group. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She does not want to be your bestie.

I’m not looking for a bestie. They are divorced for 5 years and we’re separated 5 years before that. They have adult kids so if things get serious with him as he has said he wants to, she is in my life no matter what.

[Anonymous]

This definitely happens. I've known a few examples. It's not that common though. So people comment on it when it happens. It's nice.

[Anonymous]

You are not even married to him. Weird.

[Anonymous]

When you start empathizing with the ex it’s time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anybody eventually develop a friends relationship with your partners ex spouse? Dating someone divorced and I have not met her but think I would like this woman so much. I weirdly kind of identify with her every time I see a shortcoming in him, and not that I would talk to her about it, but that that same traits that made him interested in both of us are a reason we would get along. Weird, I know.

Makes sense that he voluntarily or involuntarily chooses women who are similar and compensate for his shortcomings.

But make no mistake, living with someone’s shortcomings and certainly trying to run a house and raise children with someone dysfunctional and incapable is terrible.

FYI shortcomings is a benign code for unmanaged mental disorders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does HE get along with her? Why did they split?

I’m pretty sure it was his fault tbh. They get along well enough since they are parents to three kids but I’m sure it requires a lot of energy on her part. I sometimes coach him on how to better to her and he appreciates it.

Is he aspergers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She does not want to be your bestie.

I’m not looking for a bestie. They are divorced for 5 years and we’re separated 5 years before that. They have adult kids so if things get serious with him as he has said he wants to, she is in my life no matter what.

5 year separation?! What is his underlying issue? Did he go high conflict litigation divorce?

[Anonymous]

In my family everyone stays connected after divorce. Probably because of kids. So exes routinely talk to current spouses and see them at events. But I think we are unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does HE get along with her? Why did they split?

I’m pretty sure it was his fault tbh. They get along well enough since they are parents to three kids but I’m sure it requires a lot of energy on her part. I sometimes coach him on how to better to her and he appreciates it.

Is he aspergers?

I suspect he might be a bit. It’s odd bc he is not narcissistic in a malignant way—will do what you want if you tell him. He asks me to tell him sometimes.