How to help parents financially without embarassing them?

[Anonymous]

My overly proud mom will accept gift cards in the amount of $100 or so for xmas, bdays, mom's day, etc.

[Anonymous]

My grandpa has a card for the local grocery store that I refill. He thinks I refill it with "points". Somehow, magically, I never run out of points.

[Anonymous]

I frame it as if they are helping me out which is what they always a want to do. "These points are going to expire so I had to order some stuff",. "Someone gave this coat and I don't need it", etc. Just lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is relatively small, but how about a monthly food basket delivered to their home - fruit of the month, cheese of the month, wine of the month - that kind of thing. If they are counting dollars, it might provide a small luxury they don’t/can’t normally indulge in. You can find just about any kind of basket online.

Yes, this is a good idea. Perhaps not monthly, but I could do more for every occasion possible.

Who eats that stuff. Don't do this.

I do.

My daughter does.

We might be the only 2 in the world though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandpa has a card for the local grocery store that I refill. He thinks I refill it with "points". Somehow, magically, I never run out of points.

<3

[Anonymous]

We sometimes order food from DoorDash or UberEats to be delivered to friends and family around the country for special occasions.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have a similar situation with MIL who has been widowed a long time and is getting by on Social Security and retirement savings. She also does not want to accept help and still wants to get things/do things for us which she often can't afford, which is challenging. I've noticed some of the biggest stressors are: (1) when taxes and other required costs go up; (2) unexpected home repair/car repair/healthcare costs. So if you can find a way to help with any of those that would take a lot of stress of them. But meanwhile some things we do to cover regular costs:
-do household repairs when you visit. This might not be as much of an issue for you, but we were noticing MIL was not getting things done because she could not afford it. So we build in time over Christmas for her kids to do a bunch of Home Depot runs and take on plumbing or fixture problems as well as upgrades/repairs that help her age in place--sliding drawers in cabinets that are easier to access, installing grab bars, etc. So much cheaper to do yourself and improved her quality of life and made her safer.
-Make liberal use of the family plan to help assume some regular costs. Give a new phone--or regift a perfectly usable one you aren't using anymore and set it up--just fold it into your family plan. Same with any streaming device or subscription. Internet/cable you can do the same--just update their service next time you are out there to help them out and send the bills to you, upgrade your Netflix so they can use your passwords, etc.
-are there any regular expenses they have you can gift? magazines? bowling? town park or pool fees or YMCA membership?
-second those who say buy tickets for them to visit. Or pick spring break vacation for whole family and you book the air bnb and send them airline tix as a gift.

-send more holiday gifts. Mothers' Day, Valentine's Day, Easter, whatever. My parents used to go to Golden Corral once a week with friends. I would just slip a $50 gift card in the mail for any excuse of a holiday. I knew for sure they would use it and small frequent gifts helped out without seeming overwhelming.

-Instcart/doordash--a fun way to do this is to coincide with zoom call with grandkids. During pandemic we would watch the same show together on netflix and order in pizza or subs or something simple for everyone to enjoy at the same time. If you have a teen who can be in charge of this, all the better, since it's a little detail and labor intensive. But grandparents will accept it for sure if the grandkid set it up.

Good luck! Your parents are lucky to have you. And let them know you are willing to help, it makes it easier over time for them to accept.

[Anonymous]

Could you claim that they’re free/$20 a month to add to your cell plan?

[Anonymous]

Borrow their car when you visit and fill the gas tank.

"Win" a "contest" where you win a grocery gift card once a month for a year and you get to gift one monthly to another person as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is relatively small, but how about a monthly food basket delivered to their home - fruit of the month, cheese of the month, wine of the month - that kind of thing. If they are counting dollars, it might provide a small luxury they don’t/can’t normally indulge in. You can find just about any kind of basket online.

Yes, this is a good idea. Perhaps not monthly, but I could do more for every occasion possible.

You could arrange for the occasional delivery of Costco groceries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really touchy. Do you know anything about their financial situation? Do they have debt you could help pay off? Do they have home repairs that need to be addressed?

You can buy airline gift cards... would you do that and say it was a perk from work or something? You won it in a lottery for school?

I would find out about the debt or expensive prescriptions, etc. if there’s an expense looming, removing that will ease their minds tremendously.

[Anonymous]

Are there bills you can pay directly? Like set up a utility bill on auto payment to your account?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandpa has a card for the local grocery store that I refill. He thinks I refill it with "points". Somehow, magically, I never run out of points.

<3

I love that! You are a great grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are retired and while they're not poor, I notice they are really counting every dollar now. They don't live nearby but they do visit every few months and we also visit at least once a year (harder for us because kids are in school). I have offered to pay for things for them when they are here, but they decline. Once i managed to book them a vacation using airline points, which they accepted. Short of making sure we are paying for all the food and activities when we or they visit (which i try my best to do), how can I help them in a way they will accept? We are also not rich but we are totally comfortable and I feel like i could help them without really feeling it, but they don't seem to realize that.

Thanks in advance for any ideas you have tried...

You said they don't live nearby but they visit every few months. How can they afford to do that if their finances are tight? Do they fly to your home or what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I frame it as if they are helping me out which is what they always a want to do. "These points are going to expire so I had to order some stuff",. "Someone gave this coat and I don't need it", etc. Just lie.

Yeah we lied a lot. “Medicare pays for this” dental/hearing aid/toiletries/groceries. We said we just had to submit receipts. I also had a “big fsa” that work gave and we never could spend all of it. I also gave them gas/grocery/Applebee’s gift cards that I “got for Christmas and don’t like.”