do you hang out with adult friends whose kids are sick? do you socialize when your kids are sick?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of constantly-snotty daycare toddler here, with high (but not crazy) COVID risk tolerance. Really depends on the situation. Is the adult friend healthy? Are they about to travel overseas and need to test for COVID? Are they caring for an elderly parent? etc. Personally I don't think you're out of line here but for my personal risk tolerance I still would have attended. Especially outdoors when kid is in bed. But I get why you canceled. I catch everything my kid gets so your assumptions are not crazy.

OP again - I didn't even get into asking our friend what the symptoms were or anything. I figured if the friend thought it was worth bringing up, it was probably worth avoiding - at least on the eve of my parents' visit. But my sister, who has two little kids, makes fun of me when we're all together because, like, I do not want to dip my hand in a bag of potato chips after her kids have stuck their hands in there. I see where those hands are!

I love the kids and spoil them rotten when we're together but I also don't need snot on my food. She thinks that I am being excessively anti-germ, when I do that. (She's nice about it, just finds it funny.)

OP, I was the last of my college group to have kids. While visiting an out of town friend, I did just this (your chips example) as we had drinks and chatted while her DH was cooking dinner.

Sure enough, there had been a kid ill at daycare that Friday and my friend's little girl was up all night vomiting. I left the next morning--did not see the girl, go into her room, used a different bathroom etc. I drove an hour to visit my mom for the rest of the weekend. Guess who was in her bathroom vomiting that evening? Yes. Me.

In answer to your question, no and no.

[Anonymous]

OP, I do not think you are weird at all. I wish more people would be like your friend and give the heads up and be cool about canceling plans when kids are sick. I find the people who are relaxed about spreading sickness around to be the weird ones (bordering on rude sometimes).

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. I recently got sick (bad head cold, not Covid) because some friends' kids have all been passing it around, unbeknownst to me until after the fact.

I've found that people with small kids also seem to have immune systems that are probably higher charged since they are exposed to so much so often. Unlike those of us who are not around kids constantly.

I also refuse to eat any food at potlucks (hate them in general, anyway) that were obviously made by kids. Like cupcakes with little fingerprints in them, cookies with finger-smeared frostings. Why do people think others want to eat things their kids have licked their fingers on and then smeared around?! If an adult did this they'd be horrified.

Once I went to a colleague's house for a barbecue. Her DH came inside and wiped his sweaty armpits with the kitchen towel and hung it back up. I immediately lost my appetite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. I recently got sick (bad head cold, not Covid) because some friends' kids have all been passing it around, unbeknownst to me until after the fact.

I've found that people with small kids also seem to have immune systems that are probably higher charged since they are exposed to so much so often. Unlike those of us who are not around kids constantly.

I also refuse to eat any food at potlucks (hate them in general, anyway) that were obviously made by kids. Like cupcakes with little fingerprints in them, cookies with finger-smeared frostings. Why do people think others want to eat things their kids have licked their fingers on and then smeared around?! If an adult did this they'd be horrified.

Once I went to a colleague's house for a barbecue. Her DH came inside and wiped his sweaty armpits with the kitchen towel and hung it back up. I immediately lost my appetite.

This is OP - and omg that husband story is horrifying.

I know we all have our disgusting habits - and the disgusting things we overlook with the people we live with because if we didn't, we'd lose our minds (or run away). But have the social awareness to keep those in check around other people, man!

[Anonymous]

I will not see anyone who is sick - kid or adult. Decline.

[Anonymous]

My elderly parents are socializing more than any of us and would be the first to say live your life. But everyone has a different risk tolerance and there is nothing wrong with canceling plans for any reason and you don’t have to give a reason. That’s DCUM rule #1 right?

My daughter’s friend’s sibling currently has covid. The kids still had playdates this week at our house, not theirs, and we still carpooled. Both families drove the past week to practice. I’m not worried at all. I went to work when DH had covid because I did not and that was okay, according to policy. I never got it.

[Anonymous]

^ I saw you said you aren’t worried about covid. I really would not care if healthy parents had a kid with a cold at home and seeing the parents. Kids are always sick.

[Anonymous]

Before I had kids I wouldn’t have thought twice about seeing family members whose kids had a cold. I was even around the kids all the time. After I had babies, I’ve become more cautious about germs. Pandemic has only exasperated it. I think once my kids are no longer little babies, will relax more.

[Anonymous]

I think covid has really heightened everyone's health anxiety. As in pre-pandemic times, I'm fine to take my chances with my immune system and go about my daily life. Unless a household has a stomach bug or a fever, I really don't care about being exposed.

But, because I know a lot of people don't feel the same, I always disclose if someone is or has been sick, no matter how mild I view it, and I don't take it personally if the person I was going to see wants to postpone.

Side note - if you are getting every single cold or stomach bug that you are exposed to, you should probably think about your nutrition, vitamins, exercise, and stress level.

[Anonymous]

Nothing to do with being sick. I try to avoid hanging out with people who have small children, because I already raised six, and I am tired.

[Anonymous]

I only completely isolate from others if my kid has a stomach virus (or Covid).

[Anonymous]

If I only socialized when all 3 of my kids were totally healthy, I would never see friends, ever. That doesn’t mean I would expect my adult friends to socialize with my sick kid. But my a kid is sick, I would still go out to dinner. Exception being a stomach bug, those fly thru houses and I wouldn’t risk exposing anyone!

He probably knows you’re a germaphobe so offered the outside option. I’m not sure what you thought you would catch from a non-sick adult outside, but I think you overreacted.

[Anonymous]

If the kid is negative for covid and I feel fine I would still hang out but also give full disclosure if we are hanging indoors / unmasked