do you hang out with adult friends whose kids are sick? do you socialize when your kids are sick?

[Anonymous]

Just trying to feel out how weird I am here - just for background: We're late 40s, no kids, so I come to this question with that.

We had dinner plans with a friend who has a little kid. (Single dad.) He just texted to tell me that the kid has a respiratory infection but that he is not yet sick, and suggested instead of going out that we come over the house after the kid's gone to bed and hang out on the porch. My parents are supposed to be visiting soon - and I feel like, eh, this sounds like I am going to end up getting sick here right when my parents are going to visit. So I suggested we get together after the visit.

This is not the first time I've cancelled plans with a friend when their kid is sick, even if they - the friend - claim to be fine. But it is making me wonder - am I a weirdo about this? Overly concerned about kid germs in a way that seems a little out of hand? Do parents hang out together if any of the kids aren't feeling well - like are you all just less germ-concerned than I am appearing to be here? Would my friends with kids be saying, eh there's that weirdo again who doesn't understand that kids are ALWAYS sick so if you want to hang out any time in the next 10-12 years just deal with it?

I guess this is a bit of an AITA but more like, AIT insane germ freak.

I hadn't particularly worried the kid has COVID - previously, before rapid testing and boosters and all that, I def would have been. Just, I hate getting sick. And I don't want to ruin my parents' trip. I also don't want to be some kind of anti-science kid-fearer who never gets to see people because of germs germs germs. Help me put a sick kid in perspective, please.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think this is mildly weird on your part but whatever. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel.

If your friend is not sick and you are not seeing the child who is sick and assuming you are not making out with the adult in question and assuming you've ruled out covid (which understandably gets a different reaction), then it seems over cautious. But it's also your right.

Also, you would be hanging out on the porch. Outdoors. What illness are you going to get?

[Anonymous]

Parent of constantly-snotty daycare toddler here, with high (but not crazy) COVID risk tolerance.

Really depends on the situation. Is the adult friend healthy? Are they about to travel overseas and need to test for COVID? Are they caring for an elderly parent? etc.

For something that is COVID-like, I would probably cancel. My kid got RSV as a friend was visiting and I felt terrible; it is mild in adults but no one wants to be coughing at work during the COVID era. For even mild cold during the omicron surge, no get-togethers other than close family. For a mild runny nose, I would let them know in advance but would still be ok getting together. Sometimes with mild colds (and a negative rapid test) my babysitter has come after the child is in bed.

Personally I don't think you're out of line here but for my personal risk tolerance I still would have attended. Especially outdoors when kid is in bed. But I get why you canceled. I catch everything my kid gets so your assumptions are not crazy.

[Anonymous]

Not unless the parents tell me it's mild.

[Anonymous]

We have a kid. We don’t socialize if she’s sick. We try to avoid other families when their kids are sick.

This goes pre-COVID. I don’t like being sick, even with a cold, and assume no one else does.

I will say, people with 3 or more kids are usually very lax about germ sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not unless the parents tell me it's mild.

This is OP - it didn't even occur to me to ask how serious the infection is. I guess I figured if our friend thought to bring it up, it was serious enough to mention.

[Anonymous]

No to both questions.

[Anonymous]

Be very thankful that your friend discloses this in advance!! I wish everyone did. I'd feel the same as you before high stakes events like a plane trip or a visit with elderly folks.

I have risk factors that not everyone knows about and I so often am in a situation where I'm hanging out with someone and they say " it's so great to hang out! I needed adult time but I'm sorry I'm exhausted because little Jimmy was throwing up all night." This is NOT okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of constantly-snotty daycare toddler here, with high (but not crazy) COVID risk tolerance.

Really depends on the situation. Is the adult friend healthy? Are they about to travel overseas and need to test for COVID? Are they caring for an elderly parent? etc.

For something that is COVID-like, I would probably cancel. My kid got RSV as a friend was visiting and I felt terrible; it is mild in adults but no one wants to be coughing at work during the COVID era. For even mild cold during the omicron surge, no get-togethers other than close family. For a mild runny nose, I would let them know in advance but would still be ok getting together. Sometimes with mild colds (and a negative rapid test) my babysitter has come after the child is in bed.

Personally I don't think you're out of line here but for my personal risk tolerance I still would have attended. Especially outdoors when kid is in bed. But I get why you canceled. I catch everything my kid gets so your assumptions are not crazy.

OP again - I didn't even get into asking our friend what the symptoms were or anything. I figured if the friend thought it was worth bringing up, it was probably worth avoiding - at least on the eve of my parents' visit. But my sister, who has two little kids, makes fun of me when we're all together because, like, I do not want to dip my hand in a bag of potato chips after her kids have stuck their hands in there. I see where those hands are!

I love the kids and spoil them rotten when we're together but I also don't need snot on my food. She thinks that I am being excessively anti-germ, when I do that. (She's nice about it, just finds it funny.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be very thankful that your friend discloses this in advance!! I wish everyone did. I'd feel the same as you before high stakes events like a plane trip or a visit with elderly folks.

I have risk factors that not everyone knows about and I so often am in a situation where I'm hanging out with someone and they say " it's so great to hang out! I needed adult time but I'm sorry I'm exhausted because little Jimmy was throwing up all night." This is NOT okay.

Yeah we had a board meeting a few months ago for a nonprofit I am on the board of, and one of the members came to it clearly sick. He kept telling us it wasn't COVID so don't worry - and I was like, you shouldn't be here with ANY kind of sickness man!

I am glad the friend disclosed. Maybe he was secretly hoping we'd cancel, by telling us? I think I will go with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of constantly-snotty daycare toddler here, with high (but not crazy) COVID risk tolerance.

Really depends on the situation. Is the adult friend healthy? Are they about to travel overseas and need to test for COVID? Are they caring for an elderly parent? etc.

For something that is COVID-like, I would probably cancel. My kid got RSV as a friend was visiting and I felt terrible; it is mild in adults but no one wants to be coughing at work during the COVID era. For even mild cold during the omicron surge, no get-togethers other than close family. For a mild runny nose, I would let them know in advance but would still be ok getting together. Sometimes with mild colds (and a negative rapid test) my babysitter has come after the child is in bed.

Personally I don't think you're out of line here but for my personal risk tolerance I still would have attended. Especially outdoors when kid is in bed. But I get why you canceled. I catch everything my kid gets so your assumptions are not crazy.

OP again - I didn't even get into asking our friend what the symptoms were or anything. I figured if the friend thought it was worth bringing up, it was probably worth avoiding - at least on the eve of my parents' visit. But my sister, who has two little kids, makes fun of me when we're all together because, like, I do not want to dip my hand in a bag of potato chips after her kids have stuck their hands in there. I see where those hands are!

I love the kids and spoil them rotten when we're together but I also don't need snot on my food. She thinks that I am being excessively anti-germ, when I do that. (She's nice about it, just finds it funny.)

Pre-kids when we visited family, we were always the ones who came home sick! Every single time. Now, not so much, but then, ugh. Always. Right now we are passing around a stomach bug that is very contagious, even taking every precaution. So no, in your situation if you didn't want to get together with us due to a child being contagious, I would be fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of constantly-snotty daycare toddler here, with high (but not crazy) COVID risk tolerance.

Really depends on the situation. Is the adult friend healthy? Are they about to travel overseas and need to test for COVID? Are they caring for an elderly parent? etc.

For something that is COVID-like, I would probably cancel. My kid got RSV as a friend was visiting and I felt terrible; it is mild in adults but no one wants to be coughing at work during the COVID era. For even mild cold during the omicron surge, no get-togethers other than close family. For a mild runny nose, I would let them know in advance but would still be ok getting together. Sometimes with mild colds (and a negative rapid test) my babysitter has come after the child is in bed.

Personally I don't think you're out of line here but for my personal risk tolerance I still would have attended. Especially outdoors when kid is in bed. But I get why you canceled. I catch everything my kid gets so your assumptions are not crazy.

OP again - I didn't even get into asking our friend what the symptoms were or anything. I figured if the friend thought it was worth bringing up, it was probably worth avoiding - at least on the eve of my parents' visit. But my sister, who has two little kids, makes fun of me when we're all together because, like, I do not want to dip my hand in a bag of potato chips after her kids have stuck their hands in there. I see where those hands are!

I love the kids and spoil them rotten when we're together but I also don't need snot on my food. She thinks that I am being excessively anti-germ, when I do that. (She's nice about it, just finds it funny.)

Lol PP here, if it makes you feel better, I think that sort of thing is gross too. I am desensitized to constant mild colds, but I'm not gonna eat a snot covered Cheerio just because I gave birth to the heathen that's offering it

My DH doesn't mind that sort of thing and guess who always gets sicker of the two of us

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom, so I have very limited time to hang out with adult friends so I would have done what your friend did because I would have felt totally guilty canceling on you when *technically* I was fine even though I would be exhausted caring for a sick kid all day. I would have been really glad you decided to take a rain check. Basically: I will socialize when my kid is (mildly) sick but I don’t like to and sometimes depending on circumstances I will pass on socializing with others if they have a sick family member.

[Anonymous]

I have kids and I’m with you, OP. We stay home when we’re sick, and expect others to do the same. Being sick sucks, even if it’s just a cold.

[Anonymous]

I would go, but not if my elderly parents were about to come to stay with me. So I think you were showing reasonable caution in this case.