Divorce? Is this cutting off your nose to spite your face?

[Anonymous]

A friend's wife was sleeping with every guy in town. He was working hard and stressed out at a job he hated and when he divorced her and got a big child support bill. So he applied for disability based on his diabetes diagnosis.

Now he's early retired on disability, and the judge lowered his child support to $5 per month. He should have gotten disability before the divorce, then his wife would be on the hook for lifetime alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many people have this weird switch when they divorce. They go from decent human beings to, well, spiteful assholes. They lash out and either can’t see or don’t care that the kids are collateral damage.

Women lash out too, for sure, but I haven’t seen them hurt themselves and the kids financially to get back at their spouse. I’ve seen it a lot with men.

Fixed that for you.

Not only have I fixed that for you, your last sentence is nonsensical. I've seen divorce turn women into money-obsessed crazy people. One I knew was going to deliberately not work hard at her gig job to reduce her income and drive up child support.

Both sexes play these games.

Both sexes play games but husbands are more way more willing to hurt their kids. They just can't see they're doing it through their rage, and I'm wondering if you can't either since this seems to have struck a nerve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many men have this weird switch when they divorce. They go from decent human beings to, well, spiteful assholes. They lash out and either can’t see or don’t care that the kids are collateral damage.

Women lash out too, for sure, but I haven’t seen them hurt themselves and the kids financially to get back at their spouse. I’ve seen it a lot with men.

This. My xH was being groomed at his job for a high-ranking position in a prominent DC agency. Would have been one of the top people within a few years. Threw it all away after we divorced just to spite me and now he'll be stuck in a low-ranking position the rest of his career.

No idea WTF he was thinking, it hurt him far worse than it hurt me. He's going to wake up 20 years from now and wonder why he threw his life away.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to divorce games!!

[Anonymous]

My dad did this. Never got his career back on track. Now he lives in a mobile home.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he can't swing the higher paying job towing 2 kids to/from school and activities by himself on his days with kids. Maybe he needs a more flexible job to make it work by himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he can't swing the higher paying job towing 2 kids to/from school and activities by himself on his days with kids. Maybe he needs a more flexible job to make it work by himself.

But they both work now. Surely you’re not suggesting he shoved off all those things on his wife, so much so he needs to dramatically downshift to do the bare minimum of parenting half time…

[Anonymous]

Her, wonder why this woman is divorcing such a prize.

[Anonymous]

His expenses at 95 with only a 5% contribution have already been lowered by at least 60% simply because he could go live in a studio if he wanted to.

So no - its financially savvy if a dick move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many men have this weird switch when they divorce. They go from decent human beings to, well, spiteful assholes. They lash out and either can’t see or don’t care that the kids are collateral damage.

Women lash out too, for sure, but I haven’t seen them hurt themselves and the kids financially to get back at their spouse. I’ve seen it a lot with men.

That's because women more often then not are awarded full custody so aren't hurt financially in the first place. Ask Britney Spears or Star Jones if they like paying $20K a month in child support for no reason. Or Kelly Clarkson although she'll have full custody anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a spiteful asshole.

Also, judges do not look kindly on the kind of gamesmanship. If the judge believes a party is intentionally reducing their income to avoid paying child support, they typically have discretion to order higher support than the guidelines would provide.

He is also stupid because now he will be locked into this lower-paying job indefinitely. If he gets a new, higher paying job after the divorce, his ex can petition for modification of child support and the he will incur more legal fees to respond.

All guys need a prenup!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a spiteful asshole.

Also, judges do not look kindly on the kind of gamesmanship. If the judge believes a party is intentionally reducing their income to avoid paying child support, they typically have discretion to order higher support than the guidelines would provide.

He is also stupid because now he will be locked into this lower-paying job indefinitely. If he gets a new, higher paying job after the divorce, his ex can petition for modification of child support and the he will incur more legal fees to respond.

All guys need a prenup!

Prenups don’t do what you think they do. For example you can’t get child support terms in a prenup upheld. I’m a lawyer and I only know one couple who has a prenup because the non lawyer wife insisted on it. Most lawyers don’t bother. They’re not very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His expenses at 95 with only a 5% contribution have already been lowered by at least 60% simply because he could go live in a studio if he wanted to.

So no - its financially savvy if a dick move.

How can he go live in a studio when he has kids? Where will they sleep when they are with him?

[Anonymous]

he's taking a paycut bc he is worth less in the job market. The support issue is a front. No one is going to say they are a subpar earner.

[Anonymous]

Everything can be revisited in court when it comes to minors/children. It’s all about the kids.

Custody arrangements and $ for kids (two separate topics) can be modified by court.

— both topics are revisited of all the time. It’s common.

Lawyers in this field notoriously give short term advice.