Divorce? Is this cutting off your nose to spite your face?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s logical and I’m the idiot. A friend’s plan:

Husband makes more than wife. They are divorcing, two kids. He’s in the process of changing jobs. He will be taking a hefty pay cut, his reasoning for doing this is so he won’t have to pay as much in child support.

To me, this seems stupid and like the real loser in this is, not only his kids, but himself!

If he makes $200 and gives her 25%, he now has $150 for himself.

But if he’s making $100 and gives her say, only 5%, he now has only $95 for himself.

If it’s logical and I’m wrong, can anyone explain?

[Anonymous]

Meant to post in Relationships; having it moved. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a spiteful asshole.

Also, judges do not look kindly on the kind of gamesmanship. If the judge believes a party is intentionally reducing their income to avoid paying child support, they typically have discretion to order higher support than the guidelines would provide.

He is also stupid because now he will be locked into this lower-paying job indefinitely. If he gets a new, higher paying job after the divorce, his ex can petition for modification of child support and the he will incur more legal fees to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a spiteful asshole.

Also, judges do not look kindly on the kind of gamesmanship. If the judge believes a party is intentionally reducing their income to avoid paying child support, they typically have discretion to order higher support than the guidelines would provide.

He is also stupid because now he will be locked into this lower-paying job indefinitely. If he gets a new, higher paying job after the divorce, his ex can petition for modification of child support and the he will incur more legal fees to respond.

This. If he were doing it to get out of paying spousal support, I could maaaaybe understand. But trying to get out of supporting his own children, he is worse than a worm in a dog's belly.

[Anonymous]

Many men have this weird switch when they divorce. They go from decent human beings to, well, spiteful assholes. They lash out and either can’t see or don’t care that the kids are collateral damage.

Women lash out too, for sure, but I haven’t seen them hurt themselves and the kids financially to get back at their spouse. I’ve seen it a lot with men.

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing: child support can always change post-divorce. So if he takes a job that pays more, the XW can petition the court to have child support increased. Alimony is a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it’s logical and I’m the idiot. A friend’s plan:

Husband makes more than wife. They are divorcing, two kids. He’s in the process of changing jobs. He will be taking a hefty pay cut, his reasoning for doing this is so he won’t have to pay as much in child support.

To me, this seems stupid and like the real loser in this is, not only his kids, but himself!

If he makes $200 and gives her 25%, he now has $150 for himself.

But if he’s making $100 and gives her say, only 5%, he now has only $95 for himself.

If it’s logical and I’m wrong, can anyone explain?

He won't be allowed to get away with it. The judge will look at the earning POTENTIAL and see that he took a lower-paying job. The support will be set at the higher salary.

This is just like when a judge will order a SAH parent back to work and assign an earning potential and base the child support formula on that.

Beware the legal fees fighting over what the potential is.

[Anonymous]

BTW, the first divorce lawyer the friend consults will tell him this. It's a common ploy and it doesn't fly in family court.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Stupid people tend to divorce at higher rates, because they don't have the wherewithal to work through their differences and power through struggles with long-term goals in mind.

So, it's not surprising he's being stupid. He was stupid all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many people have this weird switch when they divorce. They go from decent human beings to, well, spiteful assholes. They lash out and either can’t see or don’t care that the kids are collateral damage.

Women lash out too, for sure, but I haven’t seen them hurt themselves and the kids financially to get back at their spouse. I’ve seen it a lot with men.

Fixed that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Hmm. Stupid people tend to divorce at higher rates, because they don't have the wherewithal to work through their differences and power through struggles with long-term goals in mind.

So, it's not surprising he's being stupid. He was stupid all along.

You lack emotional intelligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many people have this weird switch when they divorce. They go from decent human beings to, well, spiteful assholes. They lash out and either can’t see or don’t care that the kids are collateral damage.

Women lash out too, for sure, but I haven’t seen them hurt themselves and the kids financially to get back at their spouse. I’ve seen it a lot with men.

Fixed that for you.

Not only have I fixed that for you, your last sentence is nonsensical. I've seen divorce turn women into money-obsessed crazy people. One I knew was going to deliberately not work hard at her gig job to reduce her income and drive up child support.

Both sexes play these games.

[Anonymous]

If he was working a soul crushing job he hated to support his wife and kids he will be required to continue to work a soul crushing job to support his ex wife and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Hmm. Stupid people tend to divorce at higher rates, because they don't have the wherewithal to work through their differences and power through struggles with long-term goals in mind.

So, it's not surprising he's being stupid. He was stupid all along.

You lack emotional intelligence.

No, but I admit to being biased when it comes to divorce. I think far too many people throw in the towel to the detriment of their financial health and their children's stability. This forum skews educated and wealthy, so folks who divorce on here may have good reason to do so, and have the means to support themselves and their children psychologically and financially. However the reality is that most people who divorce are silly: either they didn't choose well, or couldn't hack a long-term relationship anyway.

Call me a cynic.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine was busting her chops as ICU doc, her perpetual student husband was living it up. She was given advice by the divorce lawyer to go easy on herself and go part time until their youngest leaves for college.