Wanting to make positive changes in midlife but struggling

[Anonymous]

OP I could have written your post word for word. No idea what to say, I think we are just grieving the end of our shelf life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am turning 50 this year and am freaking out a bit. There are a number of things I want to change about myself and don't know where to start-I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I've made a lot of mistakes and have a ton of regret. I spend a lot of time dwelling on the past which I know is not healthy or productive but I can't seem to stop doing it. I've started therapy, am eating healthfully, exercising, have been trying to meditate but am stuck. Just wondering if anyone has really "turned things around" in midlife. On the surface my life is fine-I have an okay (not great but not awful) career and a good marriage but I feel disconnected from others and really unsure of myself. I second guess myself all the time and am less confident now than I was as a young woman-this frustrates me as I feel like it should be the other way around. Just wondering if there's anyone out there who was able to get themselves out of a rut and thrive post 50. My thought processes tend to be anxious, depressive and envious towards people who are happy or more externally successful-I recognize how detrimental this is and make a lot of effort to appear as a positive person but it feels forced. I don't like how I think but am not sure how to change it...

I think I may be the role model you are looking for. My life is better after 50 then it ever has been. Even though I live with chronic illness.

Number one thing -- get into therapy and break with all the negativity of the past. You must learn to shed it. Let it go. Whether that takes drugs, or talk therapy, or CBT or whatever -- do it. Don't waste another second on this planet on regret. It was an albatross around my neck for so many years. It takes training but that loop can be stopped. Lexapro helped me but now I am drug free.

Two -- take a good look at what you really want to do with your time left. I am an artist and I am now fulfilling my lifelong dream of living as one and even earning money. Let go of Luther's preconceived notions, and the judgement you inherited from parents and teachers. What do you want?

I recommend looking into Cal Newport re: his work on a deep life. He talks about the 4 cs -- community (family, friends, etc.), craft (work and quality leisure), constitution (health), and
contemplation (matters of the soul) and then letting everything else go.

He talks about it here:

https://www.calnewport.com/blog/2020/03/17/the-deep-life-some-notes/

Get away from everyone and everything that is negative in your life. Obv. you may have to work, but other than that, stop repeating patterns that bring you down. Once you have the radical acceptance that you are alone, and you are heading towards death, you will be free to really love and explore life. It's ironic but true. Let go and more good things will come to you. But you have to be brave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I could have written your post word for word. No idea what to say, I think we are just grieving the end of our shelf life.

NP. I find with my kids gone and life in a time of covid, not much is going on.