Having a third at 43?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1032892.page

Thanks, but this poster already has three. I don’t really relate to wanting more than three kids.

But it’s still pages of conversation of having a baby at 43.

[Anonymous]

No, in part because of another reason you mention for things being easier now: the kids are older and don’t need as much from you. That’s going to change as they get closer to tween/teen years, and they WILL need a lot from you, emotionally.

If you get overwhelmed easily, or even average-ly, don’t have a third. Period.

-Mom of three who has three in part because she’s not easily overwhelmed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two wonderful healthy kids who are 5 and 8. Three years ago, when I was 40, the topic of having a third came up and at the time, I was still exhausted and completely drained from the baby/toddler phase. I was under water trying to keep everything functioning and the kids thriving while working full time. We have no family help. DH and I were in a rough place in our marriage too, so bringing another baby into the mix didn’t seem like a good idea. Fast forward three years, things are a lot easier all around. The kids are older and don’t need as much of us. I feel like we’re in a grove with things. If I knew we’d have a healthy baby I’d do it. But DH is 48, and I know that his age combined with my age increases our chances of abnormalities or a child who has special needs. While of course we would love the child unconditionally, that would be very difficult for our family all around. Even with a healthy baby, I’m worried about not being able to give my older two as much attention, which is already split between them.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Not sure what to do, and it’s now or never.

Beyond stupid to have a kid at 43.

[Anonymous]

No way. You have two great kids and are in a good place with your marriage. That whole dynamic would change for the worse. Have fun with these kids, then enjoy your 60s kid-free!

[Anonymous]

Oh man, I have a 4 and 7 year old and just turned 43. I feel like things have just gotten to where I can breathe. Are you around babies and toddlers regularly? Maybe find a few and spend an afternoon with them. You will quickly remember how taxing and exhausting it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Absolutely not. You pretty much answered your question. Re-read your paragraph again. The answer is right there.

+1.

I don’t remember ever seeing such unanimity on one of these questions

[Anonymous]

We had our third when we were both 45. But we were never overwhelmed with 2. We are thrilled with our decision and literally didn't have a single moment when we regretted it. But never hesitated about it, either. It just took some time to get pregnant (naturally).

In my experience, either you are the kind of person who rolls with whatever happens or you must plan everything and freak out when events don't unfold accordingly. We loved having kids and adding kids and it made our marriage much stronger as we are on the same page parenting wise and just love being around kids of all ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had our third when we were both 45. But we were never overwhelmed with 2. We are thrilled with our decision and literally didn't have a single moment when we regretted it. But never hesitated about it, either. It just took some time to get pregnant (naturally).

In my experience, either you are the kind of person who rolls with whatever happens or you must plan everything and freak out when events don't unfold accordingly. We loved having kids and adding kids and it made our marriage much stronger as we are on the same page parenting wise and just love being around kids of all ages.

I am almost 44 and I would love to have a kid at 44-45. I am not worried about physical exhaustion or money or marriage. I am worried about genetic disorders and special needs.

[Anonymous]

I would stop where you are.

In my 40s I loved parenting. In my 60s I am over it. But I have special needs child, so it will never be over fir me.

[Anonymous]

We had our 3rd when I was two months short of 45. I am completely honest that we only had him because our first and only IVF cycle produced a ridiculous number of healthy embryos, and it felt wrong to waste them. That of course was a dumb sort of logic because using one of them for our third did not solve the problem of what to do with the rest, and now the feeling of "what a waste" is still there. We will dispose of the rest.

[Anonymous]

The challenge of a special needs child is no joke. If you’re questioning the ability to parent a NT kid, a kid with SN might push you over the edge.

[Anonymous]

I am 41 and my kids are a couple of years younger than yours, but I am having the same thoughts. I feel you, OP. It’s hard when you rationally know you should just be thankful what everything you have but also don’t quite feel “done”.

[Anonymous]

I had my third at 43. He is 4 now and loves his two older brothers. Had my others at 38 and 40, so I wasn’t quite as far out of the baby years as you are. He is perfect and we are so glad we had him.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I appreciate all the feedback. Thank you.