The reinforcing aspect of borderline personality and narcissism in our family members who have it

[Anonymous]

If she could just be consistently pleasant and even tempered i would want to see her and it dawned on me that she may desperately want a good fight.

OP, I know very few women, unfortunately, who are "consistently pleasant."

I am a woman.

We have seen many grown women captured on video during the pandemic going into narcissistic fits of rage when they don't get their way.

[Anonymous]

I have a similarly profiled mom and over the last 10 years I started ignoring the drama. Her reaction has been increasingly distant, knowing that she can't get a reaction from me. It's been really nice to feel like I'm not adding fuel to her fire. I'm pleasant, she's pleasant and it's more palatable. It has been a frustrating amount of mental energy and restraint to just keep the peace, though.