How would you handle this issue with son's friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son and his friend just turned 13. They are friends, but not best friends - they hang out once a month or so. Usually, when DS invites this boy over, the boy says he can't come when invited, and tries to invite himself another day and time of his choosing. I find this a little frustrating for several reasons. Number one, DS does his school work in a different way than other kids due to a disability, and has several sports commitments as well. I also WFH, and need it to be quiet during calls. Therefore, it doesn't work that well for someone else to come over at a time of their vs our choosing. I also know that this boy is a kid, but I find it a tad offputting to invite your self to someone else's house at a day and time that you choose vs. they choose.

Would you just suggest that DS keep declining, or say something along the lines of "I can only invite people over at times my mom clears," so that he is not coming to me with requests from this kid that won't work for us?

If it's during your work time, why can't your kid just say he can't have people over during mom's work time unless they go outside, or he can't have anyone over until his schoolwork is done? I don't get why this is an issue? What would your son say if someone wanted to come over at 11:00 at night? That is not a good time for you to come. Simple. Give your son hours that work for you household and let him plan around them. You shouldn't even be involved in the planning of any of this if the kids are coming during okay times.

[Anonymous]

If it's during your work time, why can't your kid just say he can't have people over during mom's work time unless they go outside, or he can't have anyone over until his schoolwork is done?

Yeah, it's a little cold for outside now. Normally when kids come over, they want to be in our game room, which does have cool stuff for the kids to do. But unfortunately, since our house is poorly laid out, the sound from that room travels everywhere.

I think the best idea is what a PP suggested - offering up multiple times that will work for me at the outset, and hopefully he can work with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son and his friend just turned 13. They are friends, but not best friends - they hang out once a month or so. Usually, when DS invites this boy over, the boy says he can't come when invited, and tries to invite himself another day and time of his choosing. I find this a little frustrating for several reasons. Number one, DS does his school work in a different way than other kids due to a disability, and has several sports commitments as well. I also WFH, and need it to be quiet during calls. Therefore, it doesn't work that well for someone else to come over at a time of their vs our choosing. I also know that this boy is a kid, but I find it a tad offputting to invite your self to someone else's house at a day and time that you choose vs. they choose.

Would you just suggest that DS keep declining, or say something along the lines of "I can only invite people over at times my mom clears," so that he is not coming to me with requests from this kid that won't work for us?

Why is your son's time more valuable than his? This is how this works, even in the adult world.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you look at your calendar before and offer any of the times that work for you, rather than one specific? That seems easier for everyone. Then you don’t have to check later and you know any other time he offers does not work.

[Anonymous]

Does your 13 year old not have any sense of good windows of opportunity here? I find it bizarre that he doesn’t know enough to realize the kid cannot come until 6pm certain nights of the week or certain windows of the weekend — or whatever works for your schedule.

I also think you are offended by something that is totally normal — to try to work out a schedule that works for two people.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you sound controlling and inflexible. Also possibly not from the US originally (I'm not either, which is why I am guessing this...)

[Anonymous]

This a you problem and a problem with your child, not the friend. The friend is perfectly within social norms to suggest an alternate time when he is free.

Your child needs to just tell him no that time won't work and I'll get back to you with other times. He needs to take charge and give the other child a few options. I'm really surprised you are blaming the other child for this situation.

My child is the same age and DC and friends know which parents are flexible and which ones are not for kids to hang out either due to their work, their personalities, other children at home or something else.

The other day my child was hanging out with a few friends at our place. They wanted to go elsewhere. One of those friends suggested friend2's place. Friend2 was very clear that he needed prior approval from parents so the answer was no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you sound controlling and inflexible. Also possibly not from the US originally (I'm not either, which is why I am guessing this...)

I completely agree that OP sounds off her rocker but I don't know why you'd bring up her country of origin. I know plenty of American born people who lack perspective like this

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe the kid is trying to keep his parents' schedule in mind and what is convenient for his family, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you sound controlling and inflexible. Also possibly not from the US originally (I'm not either, which is why I am guessing this...)

I completely agree that OP sounds off her rocker but I don't know why you'd bring up her country of origin. I know plenty of American born people who lack perspective like this

Quite.