Red flag in old social media posts?

[Anonymous]

What does the post about being Rihanna-ed mean? Does that mean he wants to beat the crap out of a woman?

I could overlook a lot of posts from a 15-25 year old guy being an idiot. I don't think I could overlook posts condoning what happened to Rihanna 10 years ago though. As that would be condoning EXTREME violence against women and we'd need to have a really big conversation about that. I don't know ANY guy, even really immature guys, who thought that what happened to Rihanna was cool.

[Anonymous]

I will say my teen posts a lot of complete bs on the web despite me saying, hey, dumb-ash, that will be there forever!!

Oh, well. It isn't their actual thoughts, it is meant to be funny, but it is just stupid.

[Anonymous]

Well, he might think it is a red flag that you went back through 10 years of Facebook posts. Unless he only posts once per year, this likely took some time.

But, I would ask him about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless he only posts on social media once per year I'd be a little weirded out by someone that dug back into my posts from 20 years ago. Two separate issues but just saying he might think what you did is a red flag. If it were me I'd try to flesh out the issues some other way.

This. You think his posts are a red flag, the fact that you read his posts from 20 years ago may well be a red flag to him. It would be to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uhhh… depends on if you consider misogyny a minor blip that people grow out of?

Good luck with that.

Op again? You don't think people can change? The post was 20 years old and at that time he was 23. I guess I just think we're all pretty dumb in our early 30s and we grow up hopefully. I would be a no brainer red flag had he been in his 30s at the time. I'm honestly not sure do I'm asking.

please never base any opinions on this faulty statement

I assume op made a typo given the rest of her posts and that she meant 20s and I would agree with her that basically everyone is an idiot in their twenties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless he only posts on social media once per year I'd be a little weirded out by someone that dug back into my posts from 20 years ago. Two separate issues but just saying he might think what you did is a red flag. If it were me I'd try to flesh out the issues some other way.

This. You think his posts are a red flag, the fact that you read his posts from 20 years ago may well be a red flag to him. It would be to me!

I mean if his profile is public he should expect it. It's the done thing now and if you don't look at your dates social media to screen you are the outlier in today's dating world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uhhh… depends on if you consider misogyny a minor blip that people grow out of?

Good luck with that.

Op again? You don't think people can change? The post was 20 years old and at that time he was 23. I guess I just think we're all pretty dumb in our early 30s and we grow up hopefully. I would be a no brainer red flag had he been in his 30s at the time. I'm honestly not sure do I'm asking.

Dealbreaker for me, hon, but you live your life the way you see fit.

If you are in your 30s he was born in an era well after the inferiority of women was disproved. So no, I would think you can do better.

Not OP, but you don't know many idiot early-20s guys, or rather, many men who once were idiot early-20s guys 20 years ago, do you?

Before you go ballistic: I'm not defending those posts but to be honest I also would have to see the actual posts. And hear his explanation. I would not automatically do a knee-jerk "dump him now" without questioning him.

OP, just ASK. Tell him you looked at his old posts and ask him about it. Don't be accusatory but be neutral when you ask the initial question: "What was up with that? I see you as a pretty old-fashioned guy and those posts aren't old-school polite. What was going on with you at that point?" and see what he says and how he reacts. Bring up specific ones that troubled you.

I would also wonder why, if he's more enlightened now, he has not bothered to take those posts down. It's possible to remove old posts from your feeds and anyone who has that kind of stuff in their social media should know to go through and weed it out if they actually care about having said it. Though maybe someone else linked to them and that's what OP is seeing. Well? OP?

The posts without any context are something strangers on the internet can't really interpret for you, OP. What has he posted about since then? Does he do things that indicate he is, as you say, "enlightened" like put his actions where his mouth is, and support women in specific ways now? What's the context? Who was he 20 years ago and how has he changed? That all comes from conversations with him. You won't find his answers here on DCUM.

This. I think a lot of posters are very naive. I assure you even your perfect DH made some idiotic statements and laughed at terrible things as a 20 something. I'd put money on it.

As for why he didn't delete it I doubt he remembers he posted it. I certainly don't remember every post I've made especially going back 13 years!

The bigger issue is who he is today.

I wouldn't bring up the posts that's weird, but certainly discuss topics like DV and see his response.
Try telling him what to do or be critical of him, maybe insist on paying once, I don't know but you want to see how he responds.

[Anonymous]

I was an idiot in my twenties and I didn't post crap like that (though I am embarrassed when I look at my old self-centered posts about going out, etc). It would be a major turn-off to me.

[Anonymous]

Tell him how to drive. See how it goes.

[Anonymous]

If you really want to know how he feels about that stuff, mama a few like comments yourself. See how he reacts. Does he let his guard down and let his flag fly. Does he object to your comments? Or get someone else to do it. All’s fair in rooting out misogyny. Obviously, there are problems with this approach, but it will probably get you your truest answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you really want to know how he feels about that stuff, mama a few like comments yourself. See how he reacts. Does he let his guard down and let his flag fly. Does he object to your comments? Or get someone else to do it. All’s fair in rooting out misogyny. Obviously, there are problems with this approach, but it will probably get you your truest answer.

MAKE a few…

[Anonymous]

You scrolled back 10 years? Who is the same from 10 years ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You scrolled back 10 years? Who is the same from 10 years ago?

You from 10 years ago that posted your thoughts in the weird early facebook 3rd person and shared your lower back tattoo is different than you who made jokes about a woman who got the cr*p beaten out of her by her partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You scrolled back 10 years? Who is the same from 10 years ago?

You from 10 years ago that posted your thoughts in the weird early facebook 3rd person and shared your lower back tattoo is different than you who made jokes about a woman who got the cr*p beaten out of her by her partner.

Op here. Just to clarify he was 22/23 at the time. By more enlightened, I'd say the last 5 + years of posts don't contain anything like the concerning posts. He even has a few that are praising women for their accomplishments.

As for the posts I'm questioning the ones joking about Rihanna were made in reference to a male that was beat up and the other is seemingly part of an exchange with a female friend , I can't read the entire exchange because her account is private but he wasn't threatening to hit her. The car thing random. They just seem so out of place with all his other posts even those from the same time period which is what is confusing to me.

Anyway, I think I'm going to take the approach of not saying anything but being on alert for anything else . I'll also intentionally ask him about certain topics. Also ike the ira of critiquing his driving.