Is it rude to mention a birthday party to friend you are not inviting?

[Anonymous]

My friend has 7th grader and 3rd grader. I have 3rd grader and prek. If I say to her “I was busy baking a cake for the pre-k party” no problem. If it’s a third grade party and her kid weren’t invited it could be rude. But, for example, my DD chose to only invite girls from her class this year to her party so my friend - whose child is in a different class - didn’t get an invite. If she had asked me about the party and I said “we’re limiting it to just the class” I think that would be fine.

[Anonymous]

I think some of you didn't read the OP's post. She is talking about mentioning her 5 yo's party in passing to her adult friends who have kids older than the youngest who aren't friends with the youngest. I don't see why this is a problem. Friend says "Hi Jane, does your [older kid] want to hang out with my [older kid] this weekend?" "Hey good to hear from you, actually we are tied up this weekend because it's [younger kid's] bday and we're having their class over for a party." What is she supposed to do, lie about it? And what if she puts pics on social media - it would be even weirder then!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I'm reading this correctly, you're asking about mentioning a party for your 4 year old, to YOUR friends, who have older children that are not in this preschool class?

I think that's fine. That's not rude, it's just talking about your life.

But based on PPs maybe I am misreading?

+1

Op, your post was hard to follow. I think this pp's reading us correct.

[Anonymous]

Omg. I would be fine not being invited/having my kid invited to a four year old birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys, this is not rude if the kids aren’t friends and are way older. You are telling your friend about your life. My best friend has a 9 year old. My kids are 11 and 14. They will hang out when we all together out of “nothing else to do” but the kids aren’t really friends and I wouldn’t expect us to be invited to her birthday party with the 4th graders lol

Some of you are really reaching.

For real. People either can’t read or are the type that are offended by everything.

[Anonymous]

Not rude at all. Geez, some people are uptight AF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys, this is not rude if the kids aren’t friends and are way older. You are telling your friend about your life. My best friend has a 9 year old. My kids are 11 and 14. They will hang out when we all together out of “nothing else to do” but the kids aren’t really friends and I wouldn’t expect us to be invited to her birthday party with the 4th graders lol

Some of you are really reaching.

For real. People either can’t read or are the type that are offended by everything.

Eh, it isn't really clear what ages the other kids are and the OP was not particularly clear. OP talks about the other moms having younger kids and not "really being friends" but no idea what that really means. It doesn't mean the kids never hang out. I feel like if the other moms have kids the same ages (ie preschool) only the OP would really know what that means- they never hang out, they hang out when the moms hang out, what?

I think likely not a big deal to mention in passing since it sounds like it is preschool only. But the fact that she is asking makes me think maybe their group has a different dynamic- eg they always invite the other little kids. If they other moms have only older elem kids then the question seems super silly which is why I think people responsed thinking it was rude because it wasn't clear if the other moms have kids the exact same ages and how close they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I'm reading this correctly, you're asking about mentioning a party for your 4 year old, to YOUR friends, who have older children that are not in this preschool class?

I think that's fine. That's not rude, it's just talking about your life.

But based on PPs maybe I am misreading?

+1

If you are limiting the invites to classmates, I don't think this is rude at all.

+2.

[Anonymous]

So your kid is in K and you are inviting the K class. But your friend has a 2nd grader? Think it's okay, but I doubt I'd mention it unless the kid was much older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh:

Annie: "Hey Frannie, are ya'll doing anything for Frank's birthday."
Frannie: "Yup, just a bouncehouse at the park with his preschool class"
Annie: "Sounds fun!"

If that conversation is drama, then you are too

I could also see this coming up as

Annie: "What's new?"
Frannie: "Just running around. I booked a bounce house place for Frank's preschool birthday, but it is turning out to be more work than I want. I ordered bags and they didn't come so now I need to go to Target."
Annie: "Isn't that always the case that the one thing you need most doesn't come in your amazon order. I hate that. Happened to us over the holiday."

If it is just a class party than it is ok to not invite older friends.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we dont invite all of our friends' children to our kids' birthday parties because they have their own friends who aren't my friends' children. So I might say, "We aren't available Sunday afternoon because that day is Larlo's bday party," and there is no expectation that they are invited because we invite Larlo's school friends.

[Anonymous]

I’m so confused. Why are people saying this is rude? Why would her mom friends older children be invited to a younger kids party for the preschool class? That makes no sense so I don’t get why it would be rude to talk to your friend about things going on in your kids lives. Unless maybe the friend expects an invite for her older children bc that precedent was set in the past? Once the kids are school age, the parties become about the kids , not the parents.

[Anonymous]

Why would you even bring this up unless you are asked directly. The fact that you are posting about it makes me think that you know what you did was rude and you are looking for justification that you aren’t rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you even bring this up unless you are asked directly. The fact that you are posting about it makes me think that you know what you did was rude and you are looking for justification that you aren’t rude.

Nope. I have really good friends who have kids a few years older than my own. We discuss our schedules since we see each other several times a month and have mentioned school aged parties in passing for years without giving them a second thought at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you even bring this up unless you are asked directly. The fact that you are posting about it makes me think that you know what you did was rude and you are looking for justification that you aren’t rude.

Nope. I have really good friends who have kids a few years older than my own. We discuss our schedules since we see each other several times a month and have mentioned school aged parties in passing for years without giving them a second thought at all.

So why post then when you already have your answer.