5th grade son told us he’s being bullied and doesn’t want us to talk to school

[Anonymous]

I would report the physical attacks on your son. You want it documented, in part, so if your son hits back at some point, you have the report to point to that your son isn't the aggressor. You can't do anything about making the bully be "nice" to your son or "allow" him into "the club", but I would document the kicking and hitting. I wouldn't expect that the school will do very much, but the documentation is important in case things escalate.

My son was bullied in 5th and 6th grades and some of I reported and some of it was reported to me by staff members who witnessed it. I was able to get my son's schedule changed in 6th grade to escape one of the bullies and in 7th grade (MS), I requested that he be completely separated from 3 of the ES bullies. That did the trick and he now has friends in MS and only sees the former bullies on the bus, which hasn't been a problem.

[Anonymous]

I would call the school and report it, absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My rule is "this is unacceptable and if you can't handle it, you need an adult to step in. Can you handle it?" If not, then "Either you can talk to your teacher/counselor/whoever, or I will, or we can go together. You get to choose."

I agree that telling him it has to be addressed but giving him agency in figuring out how to address it is a good approach.

My version of this would be, “The fact that the bully is being physically aggressive makes this more dangerous, not just to you but potentially to other kids he might bully. Because someone could get hurt, we need to figure out what to do about it.” Then walk through the options of things he can do himself (talk with the school counselor, talk with his teacher privately, etc.), things you can do, or things you and he can do together.