Recommend therapist or practice for self harm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where does this say anywhere it is her fault?!? People have love deficits for all kinds of reasons ranging from parental death to disability to alcoholism to simply feeling misunderstood—it is not an indictment of OP’s parenting, when she is clearly trying to do the best for her DD.

Ok, your answer is more love. Moving on to more helpful posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is how to understand cutting: the cutting is not the underlying problem. It is relief from the underlying problem. Focusing the mind and attention on physical pain provides momentary distraction and relief from intense, overwhelming and unrelenting psychic pain that is ongoing. Focus on addressing the underlying pain, the physical self-harm is the smaller problem compared to people who cannot stop their own lacerating thoughts.

PS I’m a physician and every single patient I’ve had who does this endorses this perspective on it.

Agree. Another thing to keep in mind, as our DD's therapist once told us: while cutting/self-harm is an awful thing and can be real scary looking, when it comes to potential long term physical harm there are much worse things that adolescent girls (typically girls) can do. Eating disorders, drug abuse, etc. So, please, don't overreact.

I think you and your therapist are minimzing here. Many private schools will send your child home and not allow them back without a doctor's note the cutting has stopped if they are actively cutting because it is contagious. Kids learn from eachother and anecdotally it has been seen, I would assume research backs that up. Public schools often take a different approach, but this is absolutely serious behavior. Yes, I agree EDs and drug abuse cause more long term harm, but you can cause serious harm accidentally to yourself with cutting and you can cause harm to your peers who try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can someone recommend a good book about self harm?

Parenting a Teen Who Has Intense Emotions by Harvey Rathbone
Helping Teens Who Cut by Michael Holander

Also recommend DBT.

[Anonymous]

My DD who struggled greatly with suicidal ideation was moving toward cutting to release the intense feelings and came up with an alternative to achieve it. I don’t know if this idea would help your DD while she begins DBT to help for long-term emotional regulation.

She started wearing a ponytail holder on her wrist all the time. When she was feeling that release need, she would pop her wrist with it. I didn’t see her do it but she told me about why she was wearing it all the time. It had a similar effect without causing scars.

[Anonymous]

Dr. Mariam Gregorian

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/mariam-gregorian-washington-dc/920175

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is how to understand cutting: the cutting is not the underlying problem. It is relief from the underlying problem. Focusing the mind and attention on physical pain provides momentary distraction and relief from intense, overwhelming and unrelenting psychic pain that is ongoing. Focus on addressing the underlying pain, the physical self-harm is the smaller problem compared to people who cannot stop their own lacerating thoughts.

PS I’m a physician and every single patient I’ve had who does this endorses this perspective on it.

Agree. Another thing to keep in mind, as our DD's therapist once told us: while cutting/self-harm is an awful thing and can be real scary looking, when it comes to potential long term physical harm there are much worse things that adolescent girls (typically girls) can do. Eating disorders, drug abuse, etc. So, please, don't overreact.

I think you and your therapist are minimzing here. Many private schools will send your child home and not allow them back without a doctor's note the cutting has stopped if they are actively cutting because it is contagious. Kids learn from eachother and anecdotally it has been seen, I would assume research backs that up. Public schools often take a different approach, but this is absolutely serious behavior. Yes, I agree EDs and drug abuse cause more long term harm, but you can cause serious harm accidentally to yourself with cutting and you can cause harm to your peers who try it.

As a therapist working with kids this age with problems like these, I agree that the issue is the underlying problem. Cutting is a way of externalizing problems. It is also a way of taking control when someone feels they do not have control - eating disorders are sometimes similar in that controlling what food goes into a person's body may be the only thing within their control. My concern as a clinician with self-harm is more that kids can accidentally injure themselves a lot more seriously than they intend, then feel ashamed and scared and don't get help for an injury that requires stitches. Focusing on the triggers for self-harm and emotional regulation skills to manage those triggers using a different coping skill is the proper way to treat it.

I don't live in the area anymore, but the Bethesda Group has a DBT program that colleagues found reliable.