MIL and vacationing together

[Anonymous]

We recently travelled with my MIL who paid for herself. She’s comfortable financially (so are we), and she took us to dinner and insisted on buying things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go only as often as you want to go. Visit without expectation of reciprocation.
Offer what you are willing to pay for when you plan the trip. If she cancels, do something else without her. You don’t seem particularly disappointed, so what difference does it make?

I am disappointed - it's basically a repeated move by her at this point. She's canceled several trips both free and paid.

I'm thinking about inviting my parents but not sure that the physicality of Disney is good for them at this point. My husband is happy we are going alone.

There is your answer OP!

[Anonymous]

I totally get not wanting bad dogs. SIL’s dogs counter surfed at my kids milestone event buffet. It was nasty and I was so embarrassed. And scratched up my brand new floors. That dog will absolutely not come again. But the rest of my family has extremely well behaved tiny dogs that are a joy to host. We barely notice they’re here.

I don’t get paying for people to go on vacation. We pay for ourselves (family of 5) and my parents and in-laws pay for themselves. My parents often pick hotels we can’t afford (4 seasons) and we stay at the Marriott down the street. Nbd

If your mil couldn’t have afforded it she shouldn’t have said yes. That’s rude.

[Anonymous]

OP, stop analyzing -- it does your mental health no good. Match their efforts, no more. Always approach trips/vacations from what works for your family. Where does your family want to go, how do they want to spend their time.

Don't add them into your thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go only as often as you want to go. Visit without expectation of reciprocation.
Offer what you are willing to pay for when you plan the trip. If she cancels, do something else without her. You don’t seem particularly disappointed, so what difference does it make?

I am disappointed - it's basically a repeated move by her at this point. She's canceled several trips both free and paid.

I'm thinking about inviting my parents but not sure that the physicality of Disney is good for them at this point. My husband is happy we are going alone.

Going forward, I'd only inform her about trips once they're a done deal and you're leaving in a few days' time or something. Why are you oversharing your vacation plans with her in advance and causing MIL to fantasize about accompanying your family? It seems weird, given how you don't seem to care for the woman and your husband is pretty lukewarm on her at best.

Just dial down the visits, the expectations, and the disappointments. You'll probably be a tiny bit happier.

She's the one that fantasizes about trips. Alaska, Ireland, etc. None of them were our plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we travel with my parents they pay. We're well off but my parents are even more well off and are happy to pay.

Same. We’re also very busy at work, school and family schedule so getting vacation days off is tough and finding dates around sports or tests.
No one needs much physical stuff, we all live 1000+ miles away so my parents gift the condo units for something like Thanksgiving week or Soring Break and we and subs families fly themselves in. We have a. Great time and make many memories.

Have done Disney too. Kids love it, but it’s not every adults cup of tea. Fyi. Lots of walking and possibly lines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, stop analyzing -- it does your mental health no good. Match their efforts, no more. Always approach trips/vacations from what works for your family. Where does your family want to go, how do they want to spend their time.

Don't add them into your thinking.

Amen.

[Anonymous]

OP, i am sorry, but it is obvious she is not interested in spending time with your family. Doesn't want to make an effort of driving, flying, or anything. And the puppy thing is a perfect excuse.

[Anonymous]

My in laws are the same. They fantasize grand trips. Staying in a castle in Ireland a few years ago. This year is skiing in Colorado, and grand talk of coming to visit. We even moved and are closer to them (a day drive vs half way across the country). They never follow through, but take other vacations. It’s fine. But the worst was when they said they couldn’t come out to see DD when she was born, then they went on stay cation the week she was born. They didn’t meet her until she was almost 2