Free to good home: one child, age four

[Anonymous]

Is he getting enough physical activity, especially with preschools being on break and the winter weather/hours? A scooter or balance bike might help? Else take him out and run him twice a day! We have an elementary school nearby, so when it's dry out we take ours to the climbing web and have him scooter or bike around the track. He's another one with a really busy brain, but making him physically tired really helps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no, that sleep schedule would have me ending up as the subject of a Dateline episode. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Any ideas on what’s causing the lack of sleep? Is it a phase?

Mine are 6 and 3 and I get the old “running out for cigarettes” jokes now.

I know it's like 70% Christmas and schedule changes (we didn't even travel or do much with family this year, but his preschool went into quarantine 10 days before Christmas so the last couple weeks have been very abnormal). But wow was it bad today and tonight and I'm just wiped out. I'd give anything to drop him with a grandparent or something for three days to just get my own mental reset but that's not an option. I'm so tired.

Ding ding ding! I betcha this was the catalyst.

OP, I think it's time to try melatonin. Is he open to a warm bath with lavender (or something like that) in the evening? I think the car drive idea might be helpful, too. He might need more daytime excersize too since he isn't getting school playtime.

When does preschool re open?

[Anonymous]

Does he make a fuss when he can't fall asleep? My 4yo takes a long time to fall asleep - sometimes he is still awake 2+ hours after I put him to bed. BUT he stays in bed and just sings songs and talks to his toys/himself so I just let him do his thing. Can you just do that for your own sanity instead of trying to "make" him fall asleep?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he make a fuss when he can't fall asleep? My 4yo takes a long time to fall asleep - sometimes he is still awake 2+ hours after I put him to bed. BUT he stays in bed and just sings songs and talks to his toys/himself so I just let him do his thing. Can you just do that for your own sanity instead of trying to "make" him fall asleep?

OP here and we do this a reasonable amount. Generally he's pretty good about just looking at books and playing in his bed and we figure better for him to learn to fall asleep without us anyway.

But it's reached a critical point in the last few days where he's so overtired that he's really wound up at bedtime, and doing things like turning on his overhead light, playing music on this music box he has, jumping on the bed, coming out to see us, etc. And it's stressful because the longer it goes on the less sleep he'll get and it will just get worse. Last night I just kind of hit a breaking point and got visibly frustrated with him, which of course doesn't help matters either.

I can't seem to get my hands on any melatonin for tonight but I ordered some online. Tonight we'll try a bath and see if that works. He hasn't fallen asleep in the car in a long time (not even on long car trips, he'll stay awake straight through nap time even if the car is toasty warm and there's no talking. He's just an extremely alert kid.

I do appreciate the commiseration though. Thanks all. I'll get through this!

[Anonymous]

Uh maybe I'm naive, but 4-6 hrs of sleep a night for a 4 yo seems really bad. Like, call the doctor bad.

[Anonymous]

How much hard physical activity does he get? Like really running around, jumping, pushing things, etc.?

[Anonymous]

It's not clear to me, is he still napping? if so it's time the drop the nap. With DC, the nap was helpful to get things done at home in the afternoon but not at the expense of a 10 or 11 pm bedtime. Even a 10 minute nod off in the car would make it hard for him to fall asleep The first few afternoons were rough and then we settled into a 7:30 or 8 to 7 am routine.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I agree with the PP who said you should see a doctor. You should also physically bring him outside in the back yard every day and make him stay for a period. He needs to be tired out. i would probably try to pay an older child to watch him play if only for your sanity.

[Anonymous]

I feel you, OP! This too, like every stage, shall pass. Sadly along with the good ones too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no, that sleep schedule would have me ending up as the subject of a Dateline episode. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Any ideas on what’s causing the lack of sleep? Is it a phase?

Mine are 6 and 3 and I get the old “running out for cigarettes” jokes now.

OP here. Never been an amazing sleeper but also not terrible. Has had trouble falling asleep for a while so we focus a lot on that. Busy brain means it's hard to calm down enough to fall asleep, but also scared of the dark. However, if we did an early bedtime (7 to 7:30) generally we could get him asleep by 9 at the latest. Not ideal, but he's not an early riser generally so it would work out. He'd sleep until 7:30 and sometimes sleep during nap time if he needed it.

But in the last month or so that 9pm has crept later and later even with serious intervention on our part (like lying in his bed with him until he falls asleep, which we are hitting our limit on because often he's just climbing all over us and whining and saying he can't fall asleep). Plus he's started randomly waking up earlier (closer to 6, sometimes as early as 5). It is not unusual for him to still be awake at 11pm or midnight, which is after we normally go to bed. It's rough. And then because of the lack of sleep he's just exhausting during the day, fighting everything because he's so overtired. Will not nap when he's like this, won't even do a quiet time. You'd think he'd pass out while watching TV or something but nothing -- screen time just seems to make it all worse so we've been restricting that but that means he's all over us all the time and we don't get a break. And then it just cycles into the next night and bedtime is a nightmare because he's so tired but fighting sleep.

I know it's like 70% Christmas and schedule changes (we didn't even travel or do much with family this year, but his preschool went into quarantine 10 days before Christmas so the last couple weeks have been very abnormal). But wow was it bad today and tonight and I'm just wiped out. I'd give anything to drop him with a grandparent or something for three days to just get my own mental reset but that's not an option. I'm so tired.

Call your doctor.

I thought mine was a bad sleeper but this is psychotic break sleep deprivation level, either you or him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleeps 4-6 hours per night, spends remaining 16-18 hours refusing to eat, sit on the potty, get dressed, brush teeth, leave the house, or return to the house. Charming smile, smart as a whip, literally killing me.

Ignore all non-dangerous behavior. If he won't get dressed, take him to playdates or shopping in his PJs. If he won't eat, clean up the food, and let him go hungry. If he won't brush his teeth, well there's not a whole lot you can do about that except incentivize. "We can go out to the park when your teeth are brushed."

Nagging is a waste of time with an oppositional kid. Don't engage. Ignore all behavior you're not happy with unless it's destructive.

Praise all the good behavior you see "Good sitting!" "Good breathing!" "Good walking!" and ignore the rest, OP.

Give yourself a break. You aren't going to tame this kid, so stop trying. Use incentives and praise, and he will change his behavior eventually. If you keep trying to get him to do what you want, he will outsmart you and wear you down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh no, that sleep schedule would have me ending up as the subject of a Dateline episode. I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Any ideas on what’s causing the lack of sleep? Is it a phase?

Mine are 6 and 3 and I get the old “running out for cigarettes” jokes now.

OP here. Never been an amazing sleeper but also not terrible. Has had trouble falling asleep for a while so we focus a lot on that. Busy brain means it's hard to calm down enough to fall asleep, but also scared of the dark. However, if we did an early bedtime (7 to 7:30) generally we could get him asleep by 9 at the latest. Not ideal, but he's not an early riser generally so it would work out. He'd sleep until 7:30 and sometimes sleep during nap time if he needed it.

But in the last month or so that 9pm has crept later and later even with serious intervention on our part (like lying in his bed with him until he falls asleep, which we are hitting our limit on because often he's just climbing all over us and whining and saying he can't fall asleep). Plus he's started randomly waking up earlier (closer to 6, sometimes as early as 5). It is not unusual for him to still be awake at 11pm or midnight, which is after we normally go to bed. It's rough. And then because of the lack of sleep he's just exhausting during the day, fighting everything because he's so overtired. Will not nap when he's like this, won't even do a quiet time. You'd think he'd pass out while watching TV or something but nothing -- screen time just seems to make it all worse so we've been restricting that but that means he's all over us all the time and we don't get a break. And then it just cycles into the next night and bedtime is a nightmare because he's so tired but fighting sleep.

I know it's like 70% Christmas and schedule changes (we didn't even travel or do much with family this year, but his preschool went into quarantine 10 days before Christmas so the last couple weeks have been very abnormal). But wow was it bad today and tonight and I'm just wiped out. I'd give anything to drop him with a grandparent or something for three days to just get my own mental reset but that's not an option. I'm so tired.

Call your doctor.

I thought mine was a bad sleeper but this is psychotic break sleep deprivation level, either you or him.

Good grief!! OP, ignore this poster/troll!!

Your kid sounds normal. Christmas can disrupt even the best sleepers.

Take it one day at a time. Your kid sounds perfectly normal under the circumstances. One of my kids only slept two hours a night for a long time (it seemed to me), but then it ended, and now (teenager) is the best sleeper in the house.

This is such a tough time with some kids, made so much worse by the pandemic. Hang in there, OP! It will get better!! Once preschool starts, the sleeping will improve too.

[Anonymous]

Melatonin and magnesium can help. Take around bedtime.

Also let your kid read and play at bedtime if he can't sleep. If he's resting, he may not need that much sleep. Trying to force him to go to sleep because you're exhausted or need alone time is always going to backfire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleeps 4-6 hours per night, spends remaining 16-18 hours refusing to eat, sit on the potty, get dressed, brush teeth, leave the house, or return to the house. Charming smile, smart as a whip, literally killing me.

Ignore all non-dangerous behavior. If he won't get dressed, take him to playdates or shopping in his PJs. If he won't eat, clean up the food, and let him go hungry. If he won't brush his teeth, well there's not a whole lot you can do about that except incentivize. "We can go out to the park when your teeth are brushed."

Nagging is a waste of time with an oppositional kid. Don't engage. Ignore all behavior you're not happy with unless it's destructive.

Praise all the good behavior you see "Good sitting!" "Good breathing!" "Good walking!" and ignore the rest, OP.

Give yourself a break. You aren't going to tame this kid, so stop trying. Use incentives and praise, and he will change his behavior eventually. If you keep trying to get him to do what you want, he will outsmart you and wear you down.

OP here and great advice! I do think a lot of this will get better when he restarts preschool next week. We are just going to prioritize sleep above everything else for the next five days and not really do anything else, and hope to get him into some semblance of a functional schedule before he goes back to school. I honestly think if I could just get a little bit of time away from him I could get back into my parenting groove. I know it was going to be tough when his school went into quarantine because it's so many days at home in a row, but I did not anticipate this level of meltdown at all.

He's actually upstairs playing in his room on his own right now. No idea how long it will last but I'm really enjoying the break. And to posters suggesting more exercise and outdoor time -- it's all we do! Playground every morning, plus walks or bike/scooter every afternoon. We're actually frustrated because normally we'd be outside enjoying every minute of this warm weather this time of year, but it's been so hard to get him out the door (the potty is the big sticking point, he refuses to go when he's in this mood and there are certain times of day where we know we cannot leave the house until he pees). Normally we'd be out hiking and meeting up with friends at the park right now but we can't really plan anything with him in this state. It's tough. I want my functional family back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sleeps 4-6 hours per night, spends remaining 16-18 hours refusing to eat, sit on the potty, get dressed, brush teeth, leave the house, or return to the house. Charming smile, smart as a whip, literally killing me.

I'll take him!

Let’s co-parent!

I’ll potty train him and put him on a schedule! I raised 3: 2DD and 1DS. I can say that boys are more challenging at this age but I promise it gets better, OP.