Why do I let this bother me, and how can I stop?

[Anonymous]

I care way more about a good retirement fund than a house, especially as I watch older relatives who had all their wealth tied up in their houses get strapped for cash. Or forced to move from a home they love in order to get more cash.

And other than DCUM, I think, nobody talks about their retirement savings. It's not something you can see. So you can't envy. Please don't let the thought of their opinions matter to you. If you like waking up every day in your home, you are better off than most people on the planet.

[Anonymous]

OP, dare I say its not their materialistic judgment that bothers you, but rather what's missing in their assessment of you? Like maybe appreciating your qualities as a human being?

Materialistic focus sometimes acts as a replacement for the things that should matter. It sounds like intellectually you totally get that their different values shouldn't bother you. But not being seen for who you are, and having that matter more, that would bother a lot of people. I was GOING to say "everyone", but thats not true...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a sprawling new build that screams “I have ARRIVED!”

My brother lives in a cozy, 1200 square foot older house in a meh neighborhood.

I took my DD to visit recently and she absolutely LOVED my brothers house and keeps asking to go back. She likes the cozy, comfy, happy feeling of being there. Their house feels so different from ours it’s almost like visiting another country. They have a wood burning stove and everything feels kind of like pioneer living in a way (even though they live in a city and have all the modern conveniences of a normal house).

I don’t know, you can feel the love there. It may not be impressive but their choice to live in a smaller house enables my SIL to stay home and they also have 4 kids (we only have 2).

Everyone has different priorities, values, needs, desires, etc.

I’m never impressed with new builds. It doesn’t say “ we have arrived” to me. Our smaller- size 1940 house in our similarly situated and high- priced neighborhood is worth much more than the new build McMansions I see in the overrun suburbs and where most of my family lives. I would literally never trade my house or my location and I let them believe that their 10,000 sq foot mansion is classy but most who truly understand value know it’s not.

[Anonymous]

I just read "the psychology of money" and there is a chapter devoted to talking about invisible vs visible wealth and how we all tend to not factor in or think about the "invisible" kind, in retirement accounts, savings, etc. And how myopic we can all be in assuming the size of someone's home or their car or clothes, etc are indicators of resources. They are not. The people judging you are just limited in their understanding. Don't let it get to you. For twenty years we lived in a charming cottage in a rural area and my mother was always I think a little embarrassed. Now we moved up but those twenty years afforded us the chance to build wealth. The point is, people don't know. And that's ok. Don't let it bother you...some people get it.