Mix of private and public for multiple kids—anything to think about?

[Anonymous]

I think you should be honest with yourself on whether it poses a finance challenge to continue with private. Then stick with whatever decision you make make for middle for the youngest as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Paying for the eldest and youngest and not the middle seems like a hell of a way to reenforce middle child syndrome

OP here and 100% true. If I think private would be a better fit for youngest kid later I will really have painted myself into a corner.

Hi OP- if you’re able, you could set what would have been the tuition money aside for your middle child for something else later. I haven’t fully thought that suggestion through, just throwing it out there. Does middle child seem to have a preference?

NP yes like super fancy sleepaway camp

No, more along the lines of contributing to grad school if the parents would normally only pay through undergrad, or something more along those lines. I also see the logic of a prior poster that said everything doesn’t have to be equal. Different things for different circumstances/families.

[Anonymous]

Every kid gets what they need - their needs are not the same. Do what is right for each child without bean counting.

Child #2 may end up at a private college while child #1 goes in-state. Or not. It doesn't matter, they each do what is right for them and you support it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Paying for the eldest and youngest and not the middle seems like a hell of a way to reenforce middle child syndrome

OP here and 100% true. If I think private would be a better fit for youngest kid later I will really have painted myself into a corner.

Hi OP- if you’re able, you could set what would have been the tuition money aside for your middle child for something else later. I haven’t fully thought that suggestion through, just throwing it out there. Does middle child seem to have a preference?

NP yes like super fancy sleepaway camp

No, more along the lines of contributing to grad school if the parents would normally only pay through undergrad, or something more along those lines. I also see the logic of a prior poster that said everything doesn’t have to be equal. Different things for different circumstances/families.

No, it should happen at the same time. A kid who sees his siblings go to a fancy school will not be mollified by grad school for 15+ years in the future. And when it’s time for grad school, the siblings will resent him and say private school wasn’t worth it, their parents should have paid for their grad school instead too.

[Anonymous]

Do kids care about tuition? Let the kids visit and pick their schools. My kids did and ended up at different schools they love. Never in the process did they ask about or compare tuition

[Anonymous]

A note on something to think about: public schools have consequences for delinquencies and absences. Private schools usually don’t. This can affect schedules when start times and holidays differ. My private school student was late unexcusec 13 times one semester, and missed school, because we went on spring break on the public school calendar. No one minded, but the other way around a lot of people would have minded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would search for other threads on this topic. There people who respond that you should do what works best for each child, but there are also usually quite a few who had been in that situation as a child and who say that it did generate resentment.

I’d look at different schools — your second sounds like the exact kind of kid that would benefit from an all boys school. Teachers, especially at competitive privates, love girls, who sit still and have neat handwriting, etc.

Also, even if you didn’t mean it that way, the way you describe your second child could be interpreted by them to be “you aren’t as smart as your sister,” which would be an unfortunate message to send.

If I were you, I’d find a private school that was a good fit for second child (not necessarily the same one) and pay for it through elementary. Re-evaluate for middle school and HS, when the kid will be able to express their own preferences.

I wonder what you read to get that impression. Middle child started reading at 3 and eldest needed fairly intensive reading interventions so I suppose if anything the evidence is the reverse. But I’m a DCUM poster so of course all my children are brilliant in their special unique ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A note on something to think about: public schools have consequences for delinquencies and absences. Private schools usually don’t. This can affect schedules when start times and holidays differ. My private school student was late unexcusec 13 times one semester, and missed school, because we went on spring break on the public school calendar. No one minded, but the other way around a lot of people would have minded

This is SUCH a good point. We have been totally spoiled by private school flexibility. I would probably be very annoyed by public absence policies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should be honest with yourself on whether it poses a finance challenge to continue with private. Then stick with whatever decision you make make for middle for the youngest as well.

We have a very high HHI and it’s still a financial challenge, but not determinative.

[Anonymous]

If you think your kid would flourish in public school, send them there. Public school teaches kids things private schools don’t: street smarts, advocating for yourself within the “system”, and diversity (not just race but diversity of income level and home situation). I think you’re very much making the right decision.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think your middle child is better suited to your zoned public than a private school? Just because the school your eldest attends isn’t a match for him doesn’t mean private school generally won’t be. There can be a lot of differences between public and private schools and kids do notice them, especially as they get older.

—parent who sends kids to two different private schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do kids care about tuition? Let the kids visit and pick their schools. My kids did and ended up at different schools they love. Never in the process did they ask about or compare tuition

I went to public school and my siblings went private, literally never thought about the tuition and never expected to get some other benefit from my parents. I was more self motivated and thrived in a big, competitive school. They thrived in a small school with more hand holding. That’s all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paying for the eldest and youngest and not the middle seems like a hell of a way to reenforce middle child syndrome

+1 if the private school kids end up better off as adults (for whatever reason), you will be accused of favoritism. That could be a very high (not in dollars) price to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do what is right for each kid at each stage of their life and be open about it with everyone. Choose logical stages(early ES, late ES, MS, HS) as checkin points to review what is working and what is not. In MS and HS be sure you listen to each kids preference and be willing to pursue a variety of different private schools, magnet programs, local ps, etc. be sure to reiterate to each that its their individual journey, not their sibling’s journey.

Bad advice. You're obviously not a child psychologist. The human mind functions on emotions not logic. We are not computers, even if what you say makes sense logically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fair does not mean equal. It means everyone gets what's right for them. I've been telling my kids this since before they could understand it, so they now really grasp that fair does NOT mean equal. Does my son have a bunch of hair clips? No. He doesn't want them. THat's fair. Does my daughter have four baseball hats? No, she doesn't want them (because then her hair clips won't show). It's fair. Even though it's not equal.

Yep, this philosophy allows you to justify favoritism and sexism.