Things to do with son’s GF during her visit

[Anonymous]

I’m a bit concerned that your so apprehensive about pleasing her. Follow their lead and recognize that this will one day be a pleasant memory regardless of whether or not they end up getting married.

[Anonymous]

Something I always wish my inlaws would do- just leave out breakfast items (like bagels or fruit) to eat and a mug/sugar/creamer near the coffee pot. Every breakfast is a huge production and no one can eat until we're all up. I rarely eat breakfast and feel sort of awkward pushing around food on my plate (Eating in the morning just doesn't sit well with my stomach) ONE planned breakfast is great, but a whole week's worth gets hard. I also don't understand their coffee pot, how to work it or where they store the coffee.

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s sweet that you and GF want to make a good impression on each other. The suggestions on making your home feel even more homey we’re great, as is following their lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met DH in college, and here's what I remember his mom doing when I visited: Making nice food for dinner. Loaning him the car. That's about it. Basically, she was a friendly presence who mostly stayed out of the way and let us spend time together! She's still my MIL and we get along very well.

Same here. I would it have liked a bunch of plans to hang out with my boyfriends family. Maybe one meal at a restaurant, or one outing as a group, but not more than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s sweet that you and GF want to make a good impression on each other. The suggestions on making your home feel even more homey we’re great, as is following their lead.

+1

Just make sure she is comfortable. And be nice. Like a PP said, have ideas but not plans. Don't be offended if the two of them have already made plans.

[Anonymous]

A well stocked kitchen will go a long way. You can bake things and make the kind of food that is good heated up later for when they come home from going out with friends. Make coffee in the morning and chat with them then. In addition to any outing you want to do with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's not a lot of time. Leave them be.

I agree with this. Does your son still have friends who live near you? If so, I would suspect that they will want to hang out with them quite a bit.

This. Very odd that you are planning this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A well stocked kitchen will go a long way. You can bake things and make the kind of food that is good heated up later for when they come home from going out with friends. Make coffee in the morning and chat with them then. In addition to any outing you want to do with them.

I was going to say this to, along with what a PP said about asking about dietary preferences and especially coffee/tea! I always make sure I have coffee, tea, half and half etc for guests but really appreciate when people ask ahead of time. I am not a remotely picky eater but just can’t drink my coffee black and it always feels so nice when people ask ahead of time what you like, especially if you have to do dairy free etc. I agree with having lots of snacks around and maybe asking your son if she likes anything in particular like a kind of chips or something.

I would have your son ask if there is anything she’d especially like to see in DC and help organize getting tickets for them (not you, sorry) and you take them out for one nice meal on one of the warmer days when you can sit outside. I would have loved that during visits to my now in laws! Being really warm is perfect for like 30 minutes a day but I’d more aim for flexible and understanding than anything else. You sound sweet I bet she will like you!

[Anonymous]

Don’t get weird with sleeping arrangements.

If their a couple, don’t try and impose your ideas for where they sleep. You can just tell them where extra pillows are and let them work it out.

If they share a bed at school or where the live now,
Do not ask them to sleep separately.

It was such a relief to come home from college and if a gf was with me there was no discussion. If my gf wanted to share my room we did. Being treated as an adult in a relationship was always the right way.

And please close your door to your room at night.

[Anonymous]

Your house, your rules on sleeping arrangements.

That being said, agree with PP to make the sleeping area as comfortable as possible. Fresh sheets, extra blankets, fan, fluffy towels, maybe even a bouquet of flowers to welcome her.

Come up with ideas (sightseeing, hiking) but leave it up to your son what they do.

[Anonymous]

Don’t get weird with sleeping arrangements.

If their a couple, don’t try and impose your ideas for where they sleep. You can just tell them where extra pillows are and let them work it out.

If they share a bed at school or where the live now,
Do not ask them to sleep separately.

It was such a relief to come home from college and if a gf was with me there was no discussion. If my gf wanted to share my room we did. Being treated as an adult in a relationship was always the right way.

Of course OP sets the rules with sleeping arrangements - It’s OP’s house! Why should teen get to make the rules if it is something OP is uncomfortable with? My kids have SOs visit and never even ask about sharing rooms because they respect us. Lots of families have younger kids in the house and would not be up for college students sharing rooms right next to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would put some effort into making sure she has everything that she might need when she is staying in your home. Items in the bathroom like towels, tissues, a cup at the sink. Make sure there is an extra blanket in case she runs cold. Make sure she knows where the coffee fixings are as well as some snacks. Confirm with your son about any food allergies or preferences. Having something special she likes such as her favorite snack/beverage will make it clear that you care about her and that you are happy she is there. This might seem crazy but... if you are on septic please have your son give his girl friend the rules about feminine hygiene product disposal. I grew up in a big city where we were taught to flush tampons. My college boyfriend, now husband, grew up with septic and clued me in before my first visit to his parents house. His older brother's college girlfriend had not been so informed and ended up clogging the system on her first visit!

Like pp suggested have some ideas on things to do such as seeing the White House and Capital trees and the trains at the Botanical garden and then lunch/dinner would be great.

These are good suggestions. She will know that you are happy to have her there when she sees that you've put some time and thought into the comforts of your guest room (or your son's room) and the bathroom she'll use for her there.

I also think that reaching out like you are for ideas is good. You may not want to plan anything but it is great to have ideas of things you can do so that you aren't sitting there staring at each other into the abyss of 5 hours together wondering what the heck you're going to do. I love the idea of the Botanical Gardens. I also think you could drive to Annapolis and walk around, shop and have lunch. Or you could go up to the aquarium at Baltimore Harbor.

If you only have an hour then she might like to look through a family photo album with you. My future MIL did so with me when I was dating her son and I was absolutely charmed when I saw all of those pictures of my future husband as a young boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your ideas are helpful. I’ll try to take their lead about how much time they want to spend with the family. Any other ideas or tips for how to make her feel at home, he said she is a worry hog and quite nervous about the trip and making a good impression.

If you know that she is nervous, just play it cool and try to make things as comfortable for her as possible. Think nice hostess touches that make a guest feel very welcomed and valued. For example:

-find out from your son what kinda of snacks she likes, what she eats for breakfast, and stock those things
-make sure the bathroom has lots of fluffy towels and good bath products
-put the WiFi password on a card by the bedside

Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something I always wish my inlaws would do- just leave out breakfast items (like bagels or fruit) to eat and a mug/sugar/creamer near the coffee pot. Every breakfast is a huge production and no one can eat until we're all up. I rarely eat breakfast and feel sort of awkward pushing around food on my plate (Eating in the morning just doesn't sit well with my stomach) ONE planned breakfast is great, but a whole week's worth gets hard. I also don't understand their coffee pot, how to work it or where they store the coffee.

Yes, so much this. The formality of breakfast at my ILs is so odd. It’s uncomfortable, even 10 years in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your ideas are helpful. I’ll try to take their lead about how much time they want to spend with the family. Any other ideas or tips for how to make her feel at home, he said she is a worry hog and quite nervous about the trip and making a good impression.

If you know that she is nervous, just play it cool and try to make things as comfortable for her as possible. Think nice hostess touches that make a guest feel very welcomed and valued. For example:

-find out from your son what kinda of snacks she likes, what she eats for breakfast, and stock those things
-make sure the bathroom has lots of fluffy towels and good bath products
-put the WiFi password on a card by the bedside

Good luck OP!

Those are great ideas and OP, you sound like a kind and thoughtful mom & host! I hope the visit goes well for all.