How do I deal with this awful dynamic with my mom?

[Anonymous]

Just don’t engage with her. Pretty simple.

[Anonymous]

In order for you to have true peace, cut her off and out of your life. Being the family punching bag is not fun or healthy. I cut my mother off 11 months ago and it was the best decision for me. Why should I let someone else dictate my happiness by measuring the health of our interactions? They were not healthy and I don't need that in my life. Is it hard, yes, sure it is. Is it the best thing for my mental health, YES! Love yourself enough to walk away.

[Anonymous]

Op its great you are going into therapy in 2022 because there are so many underlying issues in the relationship with your mother.

I learned with my mother when she would talk about my estranged sister to simply change the conversation. If I told her I didn't want to talk about her, my mother would talk about my sister even more. My mother loved pushing buttons. I just didn't engage, wouldn't get into a conversation about her or even listen. However because my mother already knew this was something that got to me, she routinely did it. Because of a lot of other issues I had with her, I had to lessen the time I spent with her which has helped a lot.

I always felt my mother did things to simply get a reaction and when I didn't react, things seemed better. However there are so many things going on in your relationship that therapy will hopefully help. There are so many great books such as 'Emotionally Immature Parents' or youtube vids that give great information about the dynamics in these types of relationships and they have helped me a lot with setting boundaries etc. It may help to look into that as well as therapy.