I hate the way my DH does Christmas

[Anonymous]

I don't know if it would help, but I put a lot of effort into decorating the house and establishing and following traditions. Like having some extended family over on Christmas Eve. Baking a Christmas stollen for Christmas morning. Having my mom and brothers over for lunch after they've done all their family stuff too.

So it's more than just presents that bring that Christmas feeling, if that makes sense.

My other thought is for him to start his own little Christmas Savings Club Account. And then let him spend his fun money any way he wants. But that's it. No dipping into other savings or credit cards.

And yes, we are a sock-wrapping family over here, so there are plenty of little gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the kids age Christmas changes. Nothing more awkward then sitting around watching adult children open 5 gifts.

It’s not awkward unless the presents are useless and headed for the landfill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he likes to see overflowing gifts... do it the way my inlaws do it. They buy very little throughout the year. If you need clothes, shoes, new bikes, electronics- you wait until Christmas or your birthday. And then on Christmas they spend 1k or so. That way, nothing is wasteful and it's a really joyful Christmas morning.

That's mostly how I was raised. So the tree overflows, but some of the packages are socks, some are underwear, some are the shoes you'll need for spring sports, some are the random special treat granola bars or specialty drinks that we don't usually buy but one kid requests, the stocking has chapstick and new toothbrushes....there are just a couple high-value gifts mixed in there.

My spouse thinks I'm crazy if I do something like wrap up socks, but it's mostly fun to unwrap lots of stuff.

Same here! We rarely got anything outside of holidays/birthdays, but at Christmas, that tree exploded. It's kind of why we were Santa believers until waaaaaaay past most kids, because we just couldn't believe our stingy parents would really buy all that stuff. We got "normal" gifts like toys, but also socks and underwear, snow boots, school supplies, sheets, toiletries, etc. It was a lot of fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he likes to see overflowing gifts... do it the way my inlaws do it. They buy very little throughout the year. If you need clothes, shoes, new bikes, electronics- you wait until Christmas or your birthday. And then on Christmas they spend 1k or so. That way, nothing is wasteful and it's a really joyful Christmas morning.

This is smart, OP -- this is what I would suggest to your husband next year. Let the kids know over the summer that instead of doing lots of back to school shopping, you're just going to get any needed replacements but that they should let you know about their clothes/gear/tech wants then. And then fill in with stuff like new towels, new pens, etc. Are these exciting gifts? Not to a teenager, no. But it's better than useless crap and will at least satisfy your DH's desire for the tree to look like a Christmas movie.

Another suggestion: change it up completely and suggest traveling for the Christmas next year. Rent a cabin near some skiing or snowshoeing or a beach house somewhere, and then do minimal decorating and no tree at home because you won't be around. Scale back gifts because you will need to take them with you, and plan some events for Christmas morning that are not gift opening (a hike, family ski, making breakfast or brunch together, a game you like playing, putting on a favorite movie, etc.). Tell your husband you just want to try it and see how it goes. It might break him of his stuff obsession when he sees what Christmas can be like when the focus is on stuff other than presents.

[Anonymous]

My kids are on the young side but they still think quantity > quality. So I do keep track of how much I've spent on each trying to keep it equal but sometimes there is 1 expensive thing and a few small things. To balance the quantity I just break apart book sets, wrap things individually, separate an outfit so pants in one box, shirt in another, things like that so in the mind of kids it looks balanced. They are easily duped this way.

[Anonymous]

Set a budget and you get what you can off their list within that budget. No exceptions. As the kids get older you might have to reiterate that point a few times.

[Anonymous]

I understand your husband! The number of gifts is still important and my kids are in high school and college! If someone has a big expensive gift then i get other little things for them so they still get the same number of gifts as their siblings. I’ll wrap t-shirts in two boxes instead of one — that sort of thing.

I also wrap all stocking stuffers. It really slows down the gift giving so we can enjoy the time longer. We usually open gifts, break for brunch, then come back for stockings. They still love their stockings. Chapstick / portable chargers / nail trimming kit / phone cords / candy / cell phone accessories / makeup brushes / xbox gift cards, etc. I have boys and girls. They say it’s actually their favorite part, LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful your DH is alive.

Shut up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful your DH is alive.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful your DH is alive.

+1

Why on earth would you think OP isn’t grateful her dh is alive? She thinks he’s being wasteful, but she didn’t attack him or act like she doesn’t like him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrap empty boxes for decor and sprinkle in the real gifts. If it’s the visual he wants, that’ll do it.

I would not do empty, but I would add in a bunch of small “fake”gifts - like a pair of socks, a deck of cards, a candy bar, a big of chips - things that will be used. It helps if your kids have a sense of humor. Reuse boxes you have or ask the neighbors. You could even try to save the wrapping paper if you do not want to waste it (depends on how much your kids like to rip it up as they open).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful your DH is alive.

Stop. She is allowed to have an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful your DH is alive.

Shut up

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful your DH is alive.

Shut up

+1

Don’t feed the troll (are we still using that expression in 2021?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wrap empty boxes for decor and sprinkle in the real gifts. If it’s the visual he wants, that’ll do it.

OP here. It's that he wants to give our kids a bunch of stuff, so no empty boxes or charity (I mean not that we don't give to charity, but giving to charity wouldn't scratch this itch). We aren't taking pictures and aren't on social media, so it's not wanting the effect for others.

He just wants that look of magic when they come down the stairs (like when they were 3-4).

I also think he's coming at it from the perspective of a non-Christian kid surrounded by Christians who was envious of Christmas and had this idea of how Christmas was for all his friends that were experiencing it. He wants to replicate that for his kids.

Eh does it make your DH happy? Do the kids seem to be having a good time? If he’s not or wasn’t raised as a Christian then maybe he just views it a different way, he’s not celebrating the birth of Jesus, he celebrating the warm and fuzzy feeling of letting go and just expressing his love for his kids and family in a way that doesn’t involve the practical necessities of life, ie, paying the mortgage, light bill, schlepping the kids to soccer, working late nights, etc., maybe it brings him joy!

I get the whole middle class thing, but is he extravagant year round, or just this one day? I’d let it go, there is nothing practical about the way many Cleo’s celebrate Christmas, and if it brings him joy and you aren’t carrying debt for a year(s) to pay for it then not sure I see the problem.

And this is coming from a person who is also middle class, but I also don’t spend much during the rest of the year, other than travel and because I really don’t like a bunch of stuff, but I thinks it’s fun to break that mindset for one day. Also I was raised a Christian but after awhile the Christ just fell out of the equation, so it really is for my family about the festivities!

And for what it’s also worth because I’m not in general a rabid consumer of stuff, I am a 2%r, and no, I don’t live in a $1.5 McCraftman, so while my HH is middle income, my net worth would indicate that Christmas isn’t breaking the bank. But I only have one kid, so if I spend $1,500+ on gifts at Christmas then that’s a cheap Xmas.

Ease up on your old man mama let him have his fun! Do some relationship thread searches between now and Xmas morning and just be thankful he isn’t spending it on hookers and blow!