I hate the way my DH does Christmas

[Anonymous]

My husband did not grow up celebrating Christmas, but has done so since we've been together, and he is all in on the present-giving part for our kids. The problem is that he's got this vision in his mind (tv? movies?) of a Christmas tree overflowing with wrapped gifts. Now our kids are older and they a) want more expensive electronics; b) gift cards; or c) money. But my husband still wants to see overflowing gifts. So now he tells me we don't have enough, and he goes out to get expensive, useless stuff. It's such a waste, and we are real middle class, not "DCUM" middle class. So much of this stuff ends up not being used or played with. My husband also thinks both kids musst get = number of presents, regardless of price. This year, our oldest kid wants a laptop, which we got. The youngest kid is getting less expensive things. It seems obvious to me that the older kid will have fewer packages because he got the one very expensive thing he wanted. My husband is out at the store now, buying more, expensive, useless crap, so it will be 'fair' (equal gifts) and be a 'good Christmas' (many gifts).

[Anonymous]

Omg. Opposite here. My DH didn’t grow up with Christmas and I have argue just to buy a Christmas tree every year! He just doesn’t get Christmas, finds the whole thing absurd and wasteful, and lumps Christmas in with all things kitsch and over the top consumerism (like Disney).

FWIW, I think we do it low key. I get a tree, decorate with homemade ornaments, hang stockings and a wreath, get a few presents for each kid, make gingerbread houses and Christmas cookies. That’s about it.

[Anonymous]

Haha, I sort of admire your husband’s enthusiasm. But I get that it seems wasteful and we do your present distribution scheme, not his. Maybe have a talk with him, coming from a place as the person who has done Christmas all her life, and explain how present distribution works?

[Anonymous]

If he likes to see overflowing gifts... do it the way my inlaws do it. They buy very little throughout the year. If you need clothes, shoes, new bikes, electronics- you wait until Christmas or your birthday. And then on Christmas they spend 1k or so. That way, nothing is wasteful and it's a really joyful Christmas morning.

[Anonymous]

i do money equal, not number of presents equal. someone might have 10 and thee other might have 1 or 2. as kids get older, you don't need the overflowing tree, and as time goes on and everyone has what they need, it just becomes a giant chore. we went to no gifts and a name draw on the non-nuclear family gifts this year. SO MUCH EASIER!!!

if all anyone wants are gift cards, then it is time to stop exchanging.

[Anonymous]

Can he channel it into generosity? Get gifts for other families in need (Angel Tree, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Wrap empty boxes for decor and sprinkle in the real gifts. If it’s the visual he wants, that’ll do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he likes to see overflowing gifts... do it the way my inlaws do it. They buy very little throughout the year. If you need clothes, shoes, new bikes, electronics- you wait until Christmas or your birthday. And then on Christmas they spend 1k or so. That way, nothing is wasteful and it's a really joyful Christmas morning.

That's mostly how I was raised. So the tree overflows, but some of the packages are socks, some are underwear, some are the shoes you'll need for spring sports, some are the random special treat granola bars or specialty drinks that we don't usually buy but one kid requests, the stocking has chapstick and new toothbrushes....there are just a couple high-value gifts mixed in there.

My spouse thinks I'm crazy if I do something like wrap up socks, but it's mostly fun to unwrap lots of stuff.

[Anonymous]

That would drive me insane - the wastefulness of it all. Can you all sit down and figure it out together - a budget, an plan, etc. Compromise?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wrap empty boxes for decor and sprinkle in the real gifts. If it’s the visual he wants, that’ll do it.

OP here. It's that he wants to give our kids a bunch of stuff, so no empty boxes or charity (I mean not that we don't give to charity, but giving to charity wouldn't scratch this itch). We aren't taking pictures and aren't on social media, so it's not wanting the effect for others.

He just wants that look of magic when they come down the stairs (like when they were 3-4).

I also think he's coming at it from the perspective of a non-Christian kid surrounded by Christians who was envious of Christmas and had this idea of how Christmas was for all his friends that were experiencing it. He wants to replicate that for his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he likes to see overflowing gifts... do it the way my inlaws do it. They buy very little throughout the year. If you need clothes, shoes, new bikes, electronics- you wait until Christmas or your birthday. And then on Christmas they spend 1k or so. That way, nothing is wasteful and it's a really joyful Christmas morning.

That's mostly how I was raised. So the tree overflows, but some of the packages are socks, some are underwear, some are the shoes you'll need for spring sports, some are the random special treat granola bars or specialty drinks that we don't usually buy but one kid requests, the stocking has chapstick and new toothbrushes....there are just a couple high-value gifts mixed in there.

My spouse thinks I'm crazy if I do something like wrap up socks, but it's mostly fun to unwrap lots of stuff.

+1. I do most of the shopping and include socks and other clothing, favorite edibles, books/magazines, along with some unusual/entertaining gifts like puzzles and games. Everything is wrapped in holiday paper and bows unless it’s a bike or board. DH and I take pictures, drink a hot beverage
and enjoy watching the fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wrap empty boxes for decor and sprinkle in the real gifts. If it’s the visual he wants, that’ll do it.

OP here. It's that he wants to give our kids a bunch of stuff, so no empty boxes or charity (I mean not that we don't give to charity, but giving to charity wouldn't scratch this itch). We aren't taking pictures and aren't on social media, so it's not wanting the effect for others.

He just wants that look of magic when they come down the stairs (like when they were 3-4).

I also think he's coming at it from the perspective of a non-Christian kid surrounded by Christians who was envious of Christmas and had this idea of how Christmas was for all his friends that were experiencing it. He wants to replicate that for his kids.

If you don’t want him buying useless or wasteful items, help him shop. I do Hanukkah and Christmas presents every year so both of us can relive the magic we grew up enjoying with our children. No one gets anything they don’t like.

[Anonymous]

My kids know that the size of the box does not equal the size of the gift. A large box can hide a gift card wrapped in tissue. A shirt can be in a shirt box or rolled into a cylinder. We reuse boxes and gift bags.

[Anonymous]

As the kids age Christmas changes. Nothing more awkward then sitting around watching adult children open 5 gifts.

[Anonymous]

Be thankful your DH is alive.