Do men who become wealthy upgrade their partner?

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman who’s expecting to go from $250k to nearly 7 figures…but you only asked about men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s only dangerous if you are insufferable and plan to not meet any of his emotional or sexual needs. Otherwise sounds like you should be fine.

+1 is really not that hard to affair proof your marriage. most men are quite easy to please.

Not when he becomes rich, entitled and has a midlife crisis. It does matter who you are, how good you look, how good in the sack you are, what you being to the table, etc. because cheating is not about YOU, it’s about what is wrong in him/her. $, midlife and entitlement coupled with disillusion in life and themselves causes people you never thought could do it….to do it.

As long as you think you have agency over what someone else does, you will eventually be in for shock and disappointment.

The best thing you can do is protect yourself and ‘never say never.’

[Anonymous]

The best thing you can do is protect yourself and ‘never say never.’

My mom taught me this. Always have your own income and savings. It served me well.

[Anonymous]

Thanks to my particular perch in life I’ve watched many many people go from well off to wealthy. Changing spouses isn’t on my top 10 list of things people do. Among other reasons, divorce is expensive, and people who want to do the work to get rich want to stay rich.

[Anonymous]

Some certainly do. Obviously, not all.

[Anonymous]

The funny thing is, some downgrade. Jeff Bezos is exhibit A.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The funny thing is, some downgrade. Jeff Bezos is exhibit A.

But you have no idea what his wife was like to be married to. Perhaps for Jeff, wife B is a major upgrade. No one knows what goes on inside a marriage other than the two people in it.

[Anonymous]

I have a number of friends in this situation (I'm male) -- started out small in their 20s, now in their 40s and 50s and do very well, mostly as entrepreneurs. A lot of them do have time for family also, either because they sold their most recent company and can live off that while doing less-hectic things in the meanwhile (board of directors seats, etc); or because at the top you really can control your time and delegate.

Some are faithful, others aren't. With money comes access, whether it be to the type of women who tend to hang out in these circles (e.g. the women at the bar at the Redskins stadium club level or those who show up at charity fundraiser events); or sugar babies you can easily find online. It comes down to the person.

[Anonymous]

It really depends on the person, doesn’t it.

It makes me crazy when people say that someone is only as faithful as their options. That’s not true, because some people have options and choose personal integrity.

[Anonymous]

The thing is, you won't know in advance. He probably doesn't, either. But it is a fact that it's very hard to not let money change you, even if you think your values are firmly entrenched. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The best thing you can do is protect yourself and ‘never say never.’

My mom taught me this. Always have your own income and savings. It served me well.

My mom and dad preached this to us. My sister, brother and I all have our own retirement and income. My husband went to making what I did to near 7 figures and I kept my income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, you won't know in advance. He probably doesn't, either. But it is a fact that it's very hard to not let money change you, even if you think your values are firmly entrenched. Good luck, OP.

Exactly. Someone at 27 is very different at 45, 50, 55, etc. Life, kids, stress, illness, can all change a person so can that childhood trauma that emerges at the time you have kids and it brings back your own childhood attachment trauma issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really depends on the person, doesn’t it.

It makes me crazy when people say that someone is only as faithful as their options. That’s not true, because some people have options and choose personal integrity.

And that was formed by the role models and experiences they had. As you can see on this board, many had cheating parents, divorced parents, abuse and lying in their childhood. That has a huge impact.

[Anonymous]

You might think it’s a husband feeling entitled to an upgrade but usually he is just tired of dealing with built-up resentment from his wife because of the sacrifices and time he had to devote to becoming successful.
No matter how comfortable and rich you might be it cannot spark interest and desire from a wife who feels abandoned because the husband was on calls or working until 9 PM.
Now let’s introduce a new woman, she doesn’t have to be prettier or thinner but she is is deeply interested in him. Whether he moves on with this new woman is immaterial what he has been shown is that there is happiness out there and the wife he devoted to making comfortable seems to have nothing but contempt.

[Anonymous]

it cannot spark interest and desire from a wife who feels abandoned because the husband was on calls or working until 9 PM.

I get the appeal of someone new, but it just sucks to go through all the "hard part" of marriage... the underpaid early years, maybe both spouses working hard, babies/toddlers, home buying, etc. To put in all the foundation work so to speak, and then be traded for a newer shinier model. In your scenario the husband was prioritizing career over wife/kids, and then gets to a more comfortable spot and abandons her. It's sad.