Dealing with a hoarder

[Anonymous]

Hire help. Cleaning out a hoarded house is wretched work, and even with a hoarding clean-up company, it took a solid week all day every day, is included, to get the bulk of the work done.

If it’s your parent’s wish to sell, get a real estate agent, talk through what needs to happen and timelines, and push through it as a logistical puzzle. Remind the sibling with hoarding disorder that this is the parent’s decision. Best if you have the POA or what have you to act as your parent’s agent and get it done.

And I’m sorry. It’s hard in so many ways to have a family member’s mind distorted due to untreated mental illness, which this is. Therapy for you is not a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire help. Cleaning out a hoarded house is wretched work, and even with a hoarding clean-up company, it took a solid week all day every day, is included, to get the bulk of the work done.

If it’s your parent’s wish to sell, get a real estate agent, talk through what needs to happen and timelines, and push through it as a logistical puzzle. Remind the sibling with hoarding disorder that this is the parent’s decision. Best if you have the POA or what have you to act as your parent’s agent and get it done.

And I’m sorry. It’s hard in so many ways to have a family member’s mind distorted due to untreated mental illness, which this is. Therapy for you is not a bad idea.

I meant “us included” for cleaning out a two story home in our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire help. Cleaning out a hoarded house is wretched work, and even with a hoarding clean-up company, it took a solid week all day every day, is included, to get the bulk of the work done.

If it’s your parent’s wish to sell, get a real estate agent, talk through what needs to happen and timelines, and push through it as a logistical puzzle. Remind the sibling with hoarding disorder that this is the parent’s decision. Best if you have the POA or what have you to act as your parent’s agent and get it done.

And I’m sorry. It’s hard in so many ways to have a family member’s mind distorted due to untreated mental illness, which this is. Therapy for you is not a bad idea.

Yeah, trying to clean out a hoarder's house on your own? That way lies madness. And, if there's another hoarder involved, the task will become impossible.

Hire a professional cleaning and junk removal company and save yourself time and pain.

[Anonymous]

OP it’s an awful task. Remember that most hoarders stuff is covered with mold and mildew water damage etc. Dumpster is your friend. An a guy with a truck and two strong assistants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s an awful task. Remember that most hoarders stuff is covered with mold and mildew water damage etc. Dumpster is your friend. An a guy with a truck and two strong assistants.

If it's bad enough, you may need to hire a removal service that handles biohazard removal. Regular removal services won't deal with a house that has extensive mold, dead animals etc.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been through it twice and it’s terrible. We did this with an older relative when it was time for a nursing home. Hired a company, they organized it all and had an auction/sale. The relative was already in the nursing home so it went smoothly. It is expensive and he made a little money but not much.

We did it again when my parents when they had to sell their house to downsize. Hired another company. The emotional attachment was the worst and they were difficult and rude to the people the entire time. They finally had to tell them they would not work with them there and they could not be present. My parents thought they were terrible. We thought they were kind and professional. They broke even. The arguments came because they had so much they insisted was valuable and it couldn’t even be sold. It was junk. They insisted the company was stealing from them.

Definitely hire someone neutral. Too many emotions are involved with hoarding for hours to do this yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the hoarder sibling your brother/sister or your aunt/uncle? Are you putting the house on the market? Set a deadline and handle the donation bags yourself.

Thanks.

Parent is still alive and owns the house but lives somewhere else. Hoarder is sibling.

Yes, parent wants to sell.

OP

Which person’s sibling? Whom has your parent authorized to clean out and sell the house?

Parent has me as primary and sibling as secondary. Sibling and I have been doing things together, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the hoarder sibling your brother/sister or your aunt/uncle? Are you putting the house on the market? Set a deadline and handle the donation bags yourself.

Thanks.

Parent is still alive and owns the house but lives somewhere else. Hoarder is sibling.

Yes, parent wants to sell.

OP

NP. It is still unclear if the hoarder sibling is your sibling or your parent's sibling.

My sibling.

OP

[Anonymous]

Parent is a bit of a hoarder yet was actually clean with regards to dusting, dishes and so on until it became hard as far as age goes.

The hoarder causing problems is my sibling who wants to go through every scrap of paper and there is sooooo much. If I call a place to take things away, there will be a massive freak out.

Ugh.

I read hoarders do not get better.

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent is a bit of a hoarder yet was actually clean with regards to dusting, dishes and so on until it became hard as far as age goes.

The hoarder causing problems is my sibling who wants to go through every scrap of paper and there is sooooo much. If I call a place to take things away, there will be a massive freak out.

Ugh.

I read hoarders do not get better.

OP

Is there any chance that the sibling is concerned that cash or stock certificates or the like could be in and among the various papers she’s going through?

I was involved with the clean out of an elderly person's home where this was the case. We were finding cash and savings bonds stuck in among piles of cards and paperwork. More than $15,000 worth. Still not sure if we accidentally threw some away.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd send the sibling on a vacation and empty out the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s an awful task. Remember that most hoarders stuff is covered with mold and mildew water damage etc. Dumpster is your friend. An a guy with a truck and two strong assistants.

This is simply not true. Though TV shows broadcast the most extreme of cases , there are plenty of hoarders that have fully operating toilets, no infestations, and no mold. They just can’t make decisions about what to let go. Everything has potential. Everything is full of obligation or memory or opportunity. It is terrifying to decide. So they don’t. But they can throw away food, flush toilets, and wipe up messes. The vast majority of hoarders are not the extreme examples with foot high fecal matter piled up. It’s still a terrible affliction.

My parents, for instance, had a hoarder house thanks to my mother’s lack of housekeeping and inability to cope with memories, paper, and potential. They had a functioning kitchen (as in, you could cook there. Every surface was still cluttered) and they had a functioning bathroom. When it came to clean it out after 45 years, it was a week’s worth of work. But there WAS important stuff like family photos and documents buried amid 20 year old sales circulars. We really did have to touch everything. My mother was there for the first half of the week and slowed us down a lot. Once we got her moved, it went more quickly but was still work.

It’s easy if the house is a rat infested mess like in Hoarders. Of course you just shovel everything out or bulldoze the place down. But most hoarding situations are not that extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent is a bit of a hoarder yet was actually clean with regards to dusting, dishes and so on until it became hard as far as age goes.

The hoarder causing problems is my sibling who wants to go through every scrap of paper and there is sooooo much. If I call a place to take things away, there will be a massive freak out.

Ugh.

I read hoarders do not get better.

OP

Is there any chance that the sibling is concerned that cash or stock certificates or the like could be in and among the various papers she’s going through?

I was involved with the clean out of an elderly person's home where this was the case. We were finding cash and savings bonds stuck in among piles of cards and paperwork. More than $15,000 worth. Still not sure if we accidentally threw some away.

Good question yet I don’t think so. They are very grabby with items and want items I’d consider trash.

A relative had a lot of those papers. Eventually, PIs or the companies themselves track down the heirs to send the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it’s an awful task. Remember that most hoarders stuff is covered with mold and mildew water damage etc. Dumpster is your friend. An a guy with a truck and two strong assistants.

This is simply not true. Though TV shows broadcast the most extreme of cases , there are plenty of hoarders that have fully operating toilets, no infestations, and no mold. They just can’t make decisions about what to let go. Everything has potential. Everything is full of obligation or memory or opportunity. It is terrifying to decide. So they don’t. But they can throw away food, flush toilets, and wipe up messes. The vast majority of hoarders are not the extreme examples with foot high fecal matter piled up. It’s still a terrible affliction.

My parents, for instance, had a hoarder house thanks to my mother’s lack of housekeeping and inability to cope with memories, paper, and potential. They had a functioning kitchen (as in, you could cook there. Every surface was still cluttered) and they had a functioning bathroom. When it came to clean it out after 45 years, it was a week’s worth of work. But there WAS important stuff like family photos and documents buried amid 20 year old sales circulars. We really did have to touch everything. My mother was there for the first half of the week and slowed us down a lot. Once we got her moved, it went more quickly but was still work.

It’s easy if the house is a rat infested mess like in Hoarders. Of course you just shovel everything out or bulldoze the place down. But most hoarding situations are not that extreme.

This is true and accurate. You can be a “clean” hoarder. All the rooms are usable in the house. The refrigerator is spotless.

My only quibble is that you only note your mother’s housekeeping as though the dad isn’t responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Off-topic but this thread reminded me how much I am dreading the eventual clean-out of my elderly parents' house. FML.

Interesting, I am so looking forward to it. Hope to find closure as it’s my childhood home.