Baby crying with night nanny

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for those of you with helpful replies and advice.

To clear up a few things:

1) Of course I got up to check on her multiple times during those five hours. This was the nanny’s first night.

2) The nanny said she would work with her gently and gradually to get her to sleep in the crib and that it would take some time. I assumed this to mean allowing 1-2 minutes of fussing a couple times during the night to see if she would settle on her own but otherwise holding and rocking her. I realize I should have been more specific on the precise time intervals and approach. Each time I walked into the room the nanny was holding the baby and trying to soothe her.

3) She is a fussy and difficult to soothe baby, hence how we wound up cosleeping. I thought an experienced person would have some tricks to get a tough baby to settle down more effectively than me or my husband but it seems that was wishful thinking.

I will talk to the nanny today to better understand the approach but am leaning toward canceling the service. If the nanny was trying to sleep train a 2 month old, I’m not comfortable keeping her on. If she was trying to soothe the baby and was unsuccessful, I’m not sure what her value is. And perhaps most importantly, it was agony hearing my baby cry and I don’t think I could stand it for another night.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to accept your baby is “high needs” and not difficult, and you guys aren’t bad “inexperienced” parents. Maybe read up on napping intervals if you haven’t - is she getting enough sleep during the day? Some babies just want to be held a lot.

[Anonymous]

OP, my 15 MO had an unexpectedly fussy night last night, but she’s sleep trained (mostly) so I also spent what felt like a million years listening to my sweet baby cry. Cut yourself some slack, you are trying to do what’s best for your baby while being so, so tired. I have done the cosleeping-with-infant and for me if I’m lucky it’s “cosnoozing” I don’t get real rest. Really — really— give yourself a break.

I think the newness of the nanny and the newness of the situation was probably the losing combination. Could you have the nanny come over earlier in the day today? So she’s a familiar person not a darkness-stranger? The nanny may also have a better sense for your baby tonight and be prepared with whatever alternative ideas; I am sure she didn’t think last night went great either.

Downtime today for you is key. Is there a nap in your schedule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for those of you with helpful replies and advice.

To clear up a few things:

1) Of course I got up to check on her multiple times during those five hours. This was the nanny’s first night.

2) The nanny said she would work with her gently and gradually to get her to sleep in the crib and that it would take some time. I assumed this to mean allowing 1-2 minutes of fussing a couple times during the night to see if she would settle on her own but otherwise holding and rocking her. I realize I should have been more specific on the precise time intervals and approach. Each time I walked into the room the nanny was holding the baby and trying to soothe her.

3) She is a fussy and difficult to soothe baby, hence how we wound up cosleeping. I thought an experienced person would have some tricks to get a tough baby to settle down more effectively than me or my husband but it seems that was wishful thinking.

I will talk to the nanny today to better understand the approach but am leaning toward canceling the service. If the nanny was trying to sleep train a 2 month old, I’m not comfortable keeping her on. If she was trying to soothe the baby and was unsuccessful, I’m not sure what her value is. And perhaps most importantly, it was agony hearing my baby cry and I don’t think I could stand it for another night.

I think you need to give it at least two weeks to see how it goes. Have a level setting conversation with the nanny, but this is a huge change for a two month old who was used to co-sleeping. A night nanny isn't going to magically solve this problem in one night.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's because you were cosleeping. Let the baby adjust, but it'll probably be a rough adjustment the first few days. If you're not using a pacifier yet, use one. It doesn't ruin breastfeeding -- I breastfed and my baby was a paci addict. Some babies really do have higher needs for suckling comfort.

You need a white noise machine and/or good earplugs so you can actually get rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's because you were cosleeping. Let the baby adjust, but it'll probably be a rough adjustment the first few days. If you're not using a pacifier yet, use one. It doesn't ruin breastfeeding -- I breastfed and my baby was a paci addict. Some babies really do have higher needs for suckling comfort.

You need a white noise machine and/or good earplugs so you can actually get rest.

I would add, if your goal is just to soothe/stop the crying and basically outsource the attachment-parenting tactics -- and just rocking and holding isn't working -- you could give the nanny a baby sling/carrier for her to wear and maybe bounce/walk the baby around.

[Anonymous]

Use a little common sense. You were cosleeping
so you get some rest which means she would cry otherwise. So now you moved her out of your bed and the nanny is watching her. So yes, it it’s totally within the realm of possibility that your baby will be crying. At this point cio.

[Anonymous]

2 months is way too young for cio. Nanny was holding and trying to soothe when you walked in (exactly what you want her to do), so you need to use your monitor to assuage your separation anxiety. You also need a white noise machine in your room and the nursery. A pacifier might help, might not. Stop co-sleeping, even when the night nanny isn’t working, or this will continue for months until you cio.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We hired a night nurse for our 2 month old baby to help us get some rest. She has previously been cosleeping with us and nursing to sleep — not the original plan but the only way we found to get any sleep. Our baby spent most of the first five hours with the night nanny crying (often quite hard), with maybe one 45 minute stretch of sleep.

Is this typical? I knew it would be an adjustment for her so was prepared for some crying but not this much. It’s the worst night of sleep I’ve had since she was born! Any advice from those who have used night nannies?

She's been sleeping with you and her food supply is next to her and now she is with a total stranger! Of course she's crying! You have only your self to blame.

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to a Dr. regarding her sleep issues? Any other concerns?

[Anonymous]

You need to expect the first week or two of transitioning to a new caregiver and discontinuing co-sleeping are going to be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You took your 2 month old from cosleeping with her mom to spending the night with a total stranger. I’m not sure what you expected. Put yourself in your baby’s shoes. I get that you’re tired - I have 2 kids - but no, you don’t cosleep for 2 months and then just hand your baby to a stranger as the solution to your problems. That seems very cruel to me.

This. I mean, come on, is that not obvious?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for those of you with helpful replies and advice.

To clear up a few things:

1) Of course I got up to check on her multiple times during those five hours. This was the nanny’s first night.

2) The nanny said she would work with her gently and gradually to get her to sleep in the crib and that it would take some time. I assumed this to mean allowing 1-2 minutes of fussing a couple times during the night to see if she would settle on her own but otherwise holding and rocking her. I realize I should have been more specific on the precise time intervals and approach. Each time I walked into the room the nanny was holding the baby and trying to soothe her.

3) She is a fussy and difficult to soothe baby, hence how we wound up cosleeping. I thought an experienced person would have some tricks to get a tough baby to settle down more effectively than me or my husband but it seems that was wishful thinking.

I will talk to the nanny today to better understand the approach but am leaning toward canceling the service. If the nanny was trying to sleep train a 2 month old, I’m not comfortable keeping her on. If she was trying to soothe the baby and was unsuccessful, I’m not sure what her value is. And perhaps most importantly, it was agony hearing my baby cry and I don’t think I could stand it for another night.

JFC. You just admitted your bath is difficult. You don’t give a night nanny one night and then call it quits, especially after you spent 2 months co sleeping with the kid. Give the night nanny some time to help baby adjust and for the love of god, let her do her job and don’t get up a million times to see what’s going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We hired a night nurse for our 2 month old baby to help us get some rest. She has previously been cosleeping with us and nursing to sleep — not the original plan but the only way we found to get any sleep. Our baby spent most of the first five hours with the night nanny crying (often quite hard), with maybe one 45 minute stretch of sleep.

Is this typical? I knew it would be an adjustment for her so was prepared for some crying but not this much. It’s the worst night of sleep I’ve had since she was born! Any advice from those who have used night nannies?

I'm a postpartum doula and night nanny, no, it's not normal. If I had an 8 week old baby overnight who was crying hard and did not sleep more than 45 mins overnight, I would have awakened mom and had a talk. I would typically have a quick planning meeting before mom goes to bed at night.
How do you normally soothe baby?:
What are you hoping for tonight? Me to keep baby happy and to try my best or are you hoping for me to help implement different sleep habits?
What is the point which you want me to wake you and let you soothe baby?

You need to have a meeting with your night nanny. A co-sleeping infant will not transition easily, especially at 8 weeks, to a crib. It will take crying on everyone's part at least for a night or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We hired a night nurse for our 2 month old baby to help us get some rest. She has previously been cosleeping with us and nursing to sleep — not the original plan but the only way we found to get any sleep. Our baby spent most of the first five hours with the night nanny crying (often quite hard), with maybe one 45 minute stretch of sleep.

Is this typical? I knew it would be an adjustment for her so was prepared for some crying but not this much. It’s the worst night of sleep I’ve had since she was born! Any advice from those who have used night nannies?

I'm a postpartum doula and night nanny, no, it's not normal. If I had an 8 week old baby overnight who was crying hard and did not sleep more than 45 mins overnight, I would have awakened mom and had a talk. I would typically have a quick planning meeting before mom goes to bed at night.
How do you normally soothe baby?:
What are you hoping for tonight? Me to keep baby happy and to try my best or are you hoping for me to help implement different sleep habits?
What is the point which you want me to wake you and let you soothe baby?

You need to have a meeting with your night nanny. A co-sleeping infant will not transition easily, especially at 8 weeks, to a crib. It will take crying on everyone's part at least for a night or two.

nd as a tip, OP, you ARE the experienced person when it comes to your baby. A night nanny is experienced with caring for babies, but you are the only one who can share what has soothed your baby in the past. Nannies are humans too. There is no magical formula for soothing a high needs baby. You co-sleep nightly. That is what your baby has known since birth. A night nanny can help change that habit, but you can't truly believe that she had a magic wand and knew some magic trick that you as your baby's parent didn't know to soothe your child to a 5 hour block of sleep on night 1.

Habits are hard to break.