Snarky posters

[Anonymous]

Infertility is not limited to women undergoing ART. By most RE's definitions, it means no success after a year of trying. Typically, you aren't seeing an RE unless you have fertility issues.

Well, the poster who made the suggestion specifically referenced medical intervention - she said, and I'm paraphrasing only slightly, that "for women dealing with infertility issues, seeing posts from women who can conceive without medical intervention can be jarring," which implies that the infertility forum would be geared toward those using ART or medical intervention.

But my point was and is only that there's not a bright line separating the "TTC fertiles" from the "infertiles." There are a lot of gray areas and a lot of overlap. We all benefit if the discussion remains on a single board - there is just a lot more knowledge to be shared that way, and this is not an extremely active board in the first place. I often see questions getting no response or a single response. If we split the board in two, it becomes less useful for everyone and I think there will be plenty of questions where it's unclear which forum they belong in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Infertility is not limited to women undergoing ART. By most RE's definitions, it means no success after a year of trying. Typically, you aren't seeing an RE unless you have fertility issues.

Well, the poster who made the suggestion specifically referenced medical intervention - she said, and I'm paraphrasing only slightly, that "for women dealing with infertility issues, seeing posts from women who can conceive without medical intervention can be jarring," which implies that the infertility forum would be geared toward those using ART or medical intervention.

But my point was and is only that there's not a bright line separating the "TTC fertiles" from the "infertiles." There are a lot of gray areas and a lot of overlap. We all benefit if the discussion remains on a single board - there is just a lot more knowledge to be shared that way, and this is not an extremely active board in the first place. I often see questions getting no response or a single response. If we split the board in two, it becomes less useful for everyone and I think there will be plenty of questions where it's unclear which forum they belong in.

I'm the poster you are paraphrasing. I was using the term intervention loosely. I agree with the more than one year of ttc definition given by a PP, and that was what I was trying to get at. And I still think two separate boards would be helpful. I remember the first year ttc, having many of the basic temping/fertility aid questions I have seen -and those questions were quite different from years two and three (chemical pregnancies, surgeries, then drugs alone, then iuis, then ivf). I am not particularly sensitive, but I have met women in the same boat who are, and I would still suggest the split out of empathy for their situation. People are free to toggle between forums -but I think separated forums would protect people who feel particularly vulnerable.

[Anonymous]

I disagree about having two different boards. I have infertility, but I still learn things from those are are just TT&C, and I also contribute to those posts as well. And while I find questions about wanting a particular gender insensitive (unless they mention the realization that many people would just be happy with a healthy baby or that not every has the luxury of TTC for a particular gender), those are really the only posts that bother me and, as others have said, I can chose not to read them. I know that if I want empathy for my infertility, I put up a specific post or go to IVF connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not being snarky - OP here. I just can't believe people really think it's fun to be rude.

I'm not in that camp, but as an avid reader of some of the other boards (General Parenting and Off-Topic), it really is true. Some people do use these boards for entertainment and they intentional post snarky things to stir the pot and get people going because it's fun to them to watch what happens. Hopefully they're nicer in real life!

I also think some people do it less intentionally as a way to burn off their stress. Instead of taking it out on DH or the dog, they gripe at anonymous people here. Not the nicest thing to do, but I try to remind myself it's not ever personal. Especially on this board, we all need each others' support!

[Anonymous]

I don't think asking how to conceive a child of a particular gender is insensitive. If a poster's desire is for a particular gender, it's her prerogative to ask. This is no different than someone saying they already have two children but are frustrated because they can't conceive the 3rd so easily. And no different than someone saying they got lucky on their first IVF even though many posters reading that will be pained because they're on their 4th IUI or IVF. And no different than a woman who says she's 41 with an AFC of 12 and a FSH of 8 and got pregnant easily while there are 34 year olds with more frustrating numbers who can't get pregnant. Inevitably someone is going to ask or make a comment which inadvertently hurts others to read.

[Anonymous]

21:24 continuing here...

I don't believe it is done intentionally and it should not be taken so personally. One woman's opinion or experience is not a reflection of you. It's not about you. Her post is about nobody but her. And thats what these posts are about. It's having a place to post the most personal views and questions without fear of retribution or backlash. I think that infertility causes so much frustration and anger sometimes in women that it makes them overly sensitive. It is completely understandable. But it's still not okay to expect others to walk on eggshells because of our deep sensitivities.