Sleeping arrangements w/DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same as the PPs - DH snores something fierce and I am a light sleeper. Not sure why this is so horrifying to you or would alarm you "SO" much - we have a great marriage.

It would bother me SO much because the physical distance would seem...big to me. Granted, I don't have a snoring DH so if I did maybe that would bother me more but I just see that separation as a big divide. I was asking because I was genuinely interested to hear because yes, I do find the idea strange but obviously lots of people do it with no issues.

[Anonymous]

BOTH DH and I snore terribly. We take turns waking each other up all night long and we are actually furious at 2 a.m. when we do sleep in the same room on vacation, etc. It's terrible. Prolonged sleep deprivation is a torture tactic, and we cannot include that in our marriage.

Now having said this ... I do honestly think this separate rooms thing has helped push us further apart. There are other issues, too, but sleeping on separate floors 365 days a year is not bringing us closer together. But I am happier and healthier than I was when I was awakened every 40 minutes all night long, every day of the week. Anyone would be.

[Anonymous]

Same here, DH snores like a freight train and I breast feed the baby at night. What's the point in both of us losing precious sleep. I think if you're sleeping in separate rooms because of snoring, breastfeeding, children type issues you may actually have a stronger marriage. If you are too insecure to sleep away from your spouse there may be deeper issues.

[Anonymous]

If you are too insecure to sleep away from your spouse there may be deeper issues.

I think this is a good point. I'm one of the people above that does sleep separately b/c of his snoring and my being a light sleeper. I feel a bit sad about the situation, but we have a great marriage. I'm happier with a good night's sleep and he is happier with me not tossing and turning in the bed beside him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here, DH snores like a freight train and I breast feed the baby at night. What's the point in both of us losing precious sleep. I think if you're sleeping in separate rooms because of snoring, breastfeeding, children type issues you may actually have a stronger marriage. If you are too insecure to sleep away from your spouse there may be deeper issues.[/quote]

OP here - oh geez people, I give up. Its not a matter of being insecure but sleeping in separate rooms is what I feel like roommates do. I like waking up with him. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here, DH snores like a freight train and I breast feed the baby at night. What's the point in both of us losing precious sleep. I think if you're sleeping in separate rooms because of snoring, breastfeeding, children type issues you may actually have a stronger marriage. If you are too insecure to sleep away from your spouse there may be deeper issues.

This is how I feel too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MY DH snores like a freight train and, because of it, we sleep in separate rooms. He's been to the doctor, checked for sleep apnea (not it), and has tried a number of sleep aids to stop him from snoring. None have worked. If we didn't sleep in separate rooms, our marriage definitely would be in trouble. I fought the separate rooms thing for a while until we tried it out when our baby was a newborn. It was wonderful because, even with a newborn, I got more sleep than I did with DH. As long as I can get some sleep and, therefore, am not planning his murder at 2am, we have a happy, healthy marriage.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same as the PPs - DH snores something fierce and I am a light sleeper. Not sure why this is so horrifying to you or would alarm you "SO" much - we have a great marriage.

It would bother me SO much because the physical distance would seem...big to me. Granted, I don't have a snoring DH so if I did maybe that would bother me more but I just see that separation as a big divide. I was asking because I was genuinely interested to hear because yes, I do find the idea strange but obviously lots of people do it with no issues.

You hit the nail on the head, since your DH does not snore you have no idea what you would do. My DH is also a snore (his is related to weight so it comes and go). We have had 6 month stretches were we slept in separate rooms. The alternative would be for me to get no sleep, constantly wake him up during the night (elbow jabs anyone) and be a total bitch in the morning. It has not affected our relationship one bit, in fact, it think that having the extra room has saved me killing him.

[Anonymous]

No snoring here, but DH and I sleep in separate rooms about 75% of the time. He is a very light sleeper, goes to bed late, and gets up early with the kids. We moved into a bigger house and it evolved into each of us having our own rooms. I am happier having the bed to myself. It has positively affected our sex life. Maybe it's more interesting?

Our model may have been my glamorous grandparents who slept in the same room during the week, but when they went to the "country" on the weekends had separate bedrooms. A nice balance.

[Anonymous]

My parents have slept in separate bedrooms for a long time. In fact, they recently built a house and had custom suites done for themselves. It has always struck me as kind of strange - however in the past couple of years DH starting snoring more and like others have said, I'm a light sleeper. (To be fair, I probably snore worse than he does but it doesn't both him like it bothers me.) It's like a race to see if I can can to sleep before he starts, and I've also become addicted to Melatonin because of it. However, when I was pregnant with #2 (we have a four month old) and started sleeping horribly the second half, he basically started sleeping in the guest room and I must say, it was bliss. But now we're back together again and I'm back on the Melatonin. Sigh. Oh, and I'm also not afraid to jab him, push him, etc. to get him to wake up enough so he'll flip over to face the other way. Good times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No snoring here, but DH and I sleep in separate rooms about 75% of the time. He is a very light sleeper, goes to bed late, and gets up early with the kids. We moved into a bigger house and it evolved into each of us having our own rooms. I am happier having the bed to myself. It has positively affected our sex life. Maybe it's more interesting?

Our model may have been my glamorous grandparents who slept in the same room during the week, but when they went to the "country" on the weekends had separate bedrooms. A nice balance.

I like that's it's spiced up the sex life - very King Henry VIII of you, visiting chambers.

[Anonymous]

We go through phases, not because dh or I snore, but because he's a very light sleeper. If we go to bed around the same time, we do usually start out in the same bed, so if the urge strikes us, we can have sex. Sometimes he'll come in in the morning as well. I don't feel like it's necessarily related to how our marriage is going, but I guess being in the same bed can help intimacy. But I also agree that if you're not getting any sleep, you're not very loving.

[Anonymous]

Another wife with a DH who snores like a freight train. I, too, like going to sleep and waking up with DH and fought separate beds for a very long time. I think we, at times, have to work very hard to reconnect and if we had quality time in bed together it wouldn't be so hard. DH has done a number of things to try and control the snoring but nothing seems to work. He went for a sleep test and has mild apnea but not enough to normally qualify for a CPAP machine. He did, however, request to get one in the homes that it will, finally, fix his snoring and we can sleep together. It so bad that we avoid going on vacation unless we can sleep separately becuase the kids and I will get NO sleep. Totally sucks and totally inconvenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MY DH snores like a freight train and, because of it, we sleep in separate rooms. He's been to the doctor, checked for sleep apnea (not it), and has tried a number of sleep aids to stop him from snoring. None have worked. If we didn't sleep in separate rooms, our marriage definitely would be in trouble. I fought the separate rooms thing for a while until we tried it out when our baby was a newborn. It was wonderful because, even with a newborn, I got more sleep than I did with DH. As long as I can get some sleep and, therefore, am not planning his murder at 2am, we have a happy, healthy marriage.

I could have written all of this!

[Anonymous]

Do some posters have trouble with the idea because when you think about the ideal marriage, "separate bedrooms" just isn't part of the fantasy? Think about all the things you thought a marriage would be before you got married; chances are some things aren't exactly as you pictured them. But your marriage can still be strong in spite of that. I'd think separate bedrooms would be the same thing. I can't imagine most folks would think, "yippee, separate beds!" in the absence of a good reason, but I would think it would be preferable to being woken up all the time. As the parent of a toddler who doesn't sleep well, I know how cranky I am after several consecutive nights of being woken up multiple times. You just don't function as well, and you start to resent the person waking you up, even if it's not technically their fault. Seems like separate beds would be better than resenting your husband all the time.

If it bothers you to wake up without someone in the bed, have the person who wakes up first join the other person in bed before they wake up. Problem solved.