How often do you yell at your kids? Or...

[Anonymous]

I don't shout much, but I do raise my voice fairly frequently. I view it as a yellow light for me to calm it down. Kind of a sign of impotence. Like, think about a harried mom in the supermarket who sounds exasperated: "Billy, how many times have I told you...?!" You don't want to be that mom, because she's being ineffective.

If you do it all the time, it diminishes the potency. I agree with the 1-2-3 magic suggestion. It works pretty well for my kid. And best of all, it keeps parents from talking or escalating too much. In my experience, you don't want to "show fear." Lol. Easier said than done, I realize.

[Anonymous]

Daily.

But that's down from hourly, so I'm trending in the right direction! I started giving instructions and then walking away. Returning with a consequence if it still wasn't done, then walking away. Returning to implement the consequence if need be.

[Anonymous]

I don't yell but I also don't care if my kids jump on the sofa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1-2-3 Magic.

Do a count down, that gives them notification they need to modify behavior. If they don't, then they get a consequence. The book uses a time out. I used loss of TV.


Coupled with high praise when they do what they are supposed to. "Thanks, Becca, for putting your shoes on so quickly. You just made it easier for us all to get to the store".

+1
I really like 123 magic. You have to be 100% consistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't yell but I also don't care if my kids jump on the sofa.

This isn’t helpful. Surely there are other behaviors you don’t want them doing? Or it s a free for all?

[Anonymous]

Jumping on the couch = one last warning given before they get on the couch again. After that they are not allowed on the couch for the rest of the day if they jump on the couch. Each day is a fresh start at that age. Instead of yelling get near with a lower firm voice telling them they are not allowed on the couch for the rest of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't yell but I also don't care if my kids jump on the sofa.

This isn’t helpful. Surely there are other behaviors you don’t want them doing? Or it s a free for all?

I probably should have expanded but my point is that when you have a long laundry list of "NOs" of course you're going to have to yell to get anyone's attention. OP should ask herself what is worth yelling about and what is worth letting go of. It seems really counterproductive to me to yell about something like jumping on the couch. Yes, I have yelled at my kids, but know when they are in immediate danger of killing themselves, ie running across the street.

If you find yourself yelling because of small infractions I would urge you to consider why the small stuff bothers you so much.

[Anonymous]

+1 on 1-2-3 Magic

[Anonymous]

I will yell TO my kids, like if the house is noisy or it's outside, etc. But I rarely yell AT them - mostly just when one went to touch a candle and when the other went to eat the dog's medicine. Sometimes I give two brisk claps after giving a directive. "Time to put on pjs, clap, clap!"

[Anonymous]

I yelled once.

DH has yelled maybe 3 times (we've been together since we were 18 and those are the only 3 times I've seen him yell, ever).

I raise my tone maybe once a week and DH probably once a day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you get your kids to listen without having to raise your voice? I have a 6 and 5 y o. They don’t listen to me or DH unless we raise our voice. They really just ignore us. Sometime they think it is funny. It could something as simple as « stop jumping on the sofa » or « stop scratching the floor » or « put your shoes on ». They just ignore us. Threatening don’t seem to work. I hate yelling but it seems like that is the only thing that gets their attention . We need help.

TIA

Ask once. 2nd time, consequence. Never give empty threat. Their behavior will change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't yell but I also don't care if my kids jump on the sofa.

This isn’t helpful. Surely there are other behaviors you don’t want them doing? Or it s a free for all?

I probably should have expanded but my point is that when you have a long laundry list of "NOs" of course you're going to have to yell to get anyone's attention. OP should ask herself what is worth yelling about and what is worth letting go of. It seems really counterproductive to me to yell about something like jumping on the couch. Yes, I have yelled at my kids, but know when they are in immediate danger of killing themselves, ie running across the street.

If you find yourself yelling because of small infractions I would urge you to consider why the small stuff bothers you so much.

Oh please.
It’s fine to have rules with kids. Can they jump on furniture at school? No, well then it’s great to set expectations of socially appropriate behaviors in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't yell but I also don't care if my kids jump on the sofa.

This isn’t helpful. Surely there are other behaviors you don’t want them doing? Or it s a free for all?

I probably should have expanded but my point is that when you have a long laundry list of "NOs" of course you're going to have to yell to get anyone's attention. OP should ask herself what is worth yelling about and what is worth letting go of. It seems really counterproductive to me to yell about something like jumping on the couch. Yes, I have yelled at my kids, but know when they are in immediate danger of killing themselves, ie running across the street.

If you find yourself yelling because of small infractions I would urge you to consider why the small stuff bothers you so much.

Oh please.
It’s fine to have rules with kids. Can they jump on furniture at school? No, well then it’s great to set expectations of socially appropriate behaviors in your home.

I have a lot of rules, but jumping on the sofa isn't one of them. I presume your kids are allowed to do things in your home that they are not allowed to do in school, yes? And vice versa? Or is your family too dim to understand that there are sometimes different sets of rules for different circumstances?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't yell but I also don't care if my kids jump on the sofa.

This isn’t helpful. Surely there are other behaviors you don’t want them doing? Or it s a free for all?

I probably should have expanded but my point is that when you have a long laundry list of "NOs" of course you're going to have to yell to get anyone's attention. OP should ask herself what is worth yelling about and what is worth letting go of. It seems really counterproductive to me to yell about something like jumping on the couch. Yes, I have yelled at my kids, but know when they are in immediate danger of killing themselves, ie running across the street.

If you find yourself yelling because of small infractions I would urge you to consider why the small stuff bothers you so much.

Oh please.
It’s fine to have rules with kids. Can they jump on furniture at school? No, well then it’s great to set expectations of socially appropriate behaviors in your home.

I have a lot of rules, but jumping on the sofa isn't one of them. I presume your kids are allowed to do things in your home that they are not allowed to do in school, yes? And vice versa? Or is your family too dim to understand that there are sometimes different sets of rules for different circumstances?

you’re speaking out both sides of your mouth. You just said don’t let the small stuff bother you and then went on to say you have a lot of rules. Which is it?

[Anonymous]

I have large number of VERY LOUD adhd children. I wouldn't even be able to hear *myself* if I was using a more whisper-y method to alert them that there was a discipline problem.