DS is a homebody, can I let him be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op Here.
DS prefers screens to everything but I do make him put them away when he is home. But he would rather stay in and read (sometimes draw or play) than go out.
We walk to school (about a mile) and he has PE there - that’s his exercise for now (he used to do gym or dance or swimming but honestly I am tired of paying and listening to his whining and him doing a half a**ed job so we are taking a break).
He talks to friends at school and sometimes to another friend on weekends and it seems like it’s enough for him.

As to where I’d like to “drag” him: I would love for him to like an activity, any activity outside the house that is not videogames; and to see interesting stuff an enjoy it - museums, landmarks, amusement parks, anything! Just something outside the house really. I felt an obligation to do family outings with him - but I don’t want this anymore.
I want to go to the city for some Christmas spirit for example, and I would want him to come, but he probably won’t enjoy it much and will want to go home ASAP so I am very tempted to leave him home. However wouldn’t it be a sort of “abandonment”? For lack of a bette word. That’s what I am concerned about: not giving him enough exposure to the world.
As for the trips, yes he gets to choose activities but he would rather just stay at a hotel or Airbnb so anything involving going out is already a chore. He may enjoy it later but no guarantee and it’s 2-3 hrs max.

If I chose to leave him home, I'd take the screens away while I was gone and let him know in advance that if he's staying home, it's not to do that all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op Here.
DS prefers screens to everything but I do make him put them away when he is home. But he would rather stay in and read (sometimes draw or play) than go out.
We walk to school (about a mile) and he has PE there - that’s his exercise for now (he used to do gym or dance or swimming but honestly I am tired of paying and listening to his whining and him doing a half a**ed job so we are taking a break).
He talks to friends at school and sometimes to another friend on weekends and it seems like it’s enough for him.

As to where I’d like to “drag” him: I would love for him to like an activity, any activity outside the house that is not videogames; and to see interesting stuff an enjoy it - museums, landmarks, amusement parks, anything! Just something outside the house really. I felt an obligation to do family outings with him - but I don’t want this anymore.
I want to go to the city for some Christmas spirit for example, and I would want him to come, but he probably won’t enjoy it much and will want to go home ASAP so I am very tempted to leave him home. However wouldn’t it be a sort of “abandonment”? For lack of a bette word. That’s what I am concerned about: not giving him enough exposure to the world.
As for the trips, yes he gets to choose activities but he would rather just stay at a hotel or Airbnb so anything involving going out is already a chore. He may enjoy it later but no guarantee and it’s 2-3 hrs max.

If I chose to leave him home, I'd take the screens away while I was gone and let him know in advance that if he's staying home, it's not to do that all day.

He's only 11, so I wouldn't worry about it too much, but I would encourage him to have friends over. As long as he is interacting with friends and socializing some, I would not worry too much about exposing him to the world of museums and mom stuff right now. FWIW, my son is a homebody, but when he got his first girlfriend, she wanted to go out, so all of a sudden he was mr. man about town, lol, going to the zoo and the nature park, etc. That was a while ago and his new girlfriend is also a homebody, so they hangout around here a lot, but there are still friends coming and going routinely. I would just encourage occasional activities and having friends over for now. He is still fairly young, so he may find an interest that he gets completely involved in, and all of a sudden you become taxi mom, lol.

[Anonymous]

My boys needed a lot of physical activity as teens (and even teens). This doesn’t have to be classes or sports you sign up for, but maybe you could get his some home gym equipment and have him excessive at home on a schedule. It doesn’t have to be a peleton or something expensive. Some basic equipment like bands or a kettle bell and a subscription to an app with kid-friendly workouts. He should be developing a sense of lifelong fitness and it can be that he prefers to do that alone rather than through organized sports.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 11 and 13 and it would be nonstop complaining to try to take them to see holiday decorations. It’s not abandonment to leave them home. Set some sort of reasonable limits on the electronics and let him be. It’s cold outside now anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you just got divorced then doesn't that mean your son probably had a pretty sucky home life for a couple of years? Cut him some slack.

He is allowed to have his own interests and desires. Give him some options and input. If starts to feel listened to and respected he will be easier to get along with. He is growing up. He does need to be polite though, but don't set him up for failure.

Eh, we’ve been separated for almost 4 years, and his homebody tendencies started even earlier.

You seem very dismissive of him and focused on turning him into your ideal person ( man) just stop and let him be who he is. Perhaps select outings that might be interesting to him, not you.

Is this exhibit still at the Smithsonian https://americanart.si.edu/exhibitions/games

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine are 11 and 13 and it would be nonstop complaining to try to take them to see holiday decorations. It’s not abandonment to leave them home. Set some sort of reasonable limits on the electronics and let him be. It’s cold outside now anyway.

True and most 11 year olds male or female dont' want to spend afternoons hanging out with mom ( or dad)

[Anonymous]

He is who he is. Trying to change his personality and temperament is a recipe for frustration. It's fine to limit screens at home, but if he's not up for hours-long outings, so what? Encourage him to have friends over, make sure he's getting enough physical activity and fresh air, and stop trying to force him to be someone he's not.

[Anonymous]

Homebody is fine as long as screen time is limited AND social interactions are maintained on a daily basis and that does not mean he chatted with someone online or through a game.

[Anonymous]

OP. You've got a good bead on your boy. I have an 8 yo just like him. Pre-covid all offers to roll with me on an errand were always rebuffed. His 5yo brother is the opposite. At some point in the future we will be on our own as well, and I wonder about activities and vacations. Keeping it low-key is where I'm headed. They both show interest in visiting family and friends in 2022, so that will be the destination and we will sightsee and adventure in addition, rather than have adventure be the goal.

My only goal is to let him be who he is, seems you feel the same. That's enough.