SIL never wishes me happy birthday

[Anonymous]

So let DH do the work.

My bil and sil don’t get me gifts. We sometimes do for them, sometimes don’t. It’s not a hard and fast rule. But I do give gifts with no expectations of reciprocity.

[Anonymous]

Do you mean that your brother and his wife both forget your birthday? Or your brother remembers but his wife doesn’t even acknowledge you with a text? My husband wishes a happy birthday to his direct relatives on behalf of the both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is DH asking you what “you” are getting his sister? Just say, I don’t know, she’s your sister so I assume you are taking care of it. As you know, she never remembers my birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea when my SILs' or BILs' birthdays are. Or my in laws, although they passed away years ago so it doesn't matter. But birthdays have never been a huge deal in our family.

+1
OP is acting childish and petty.

[Anonymous]

I used to go out of my way to send my SIL and her kids gifts and such on their birthdays, and would buy the kids cute clothes if I got a great deal. She thanked me once, never sent me anything (which was fine, really) but NEVER sent my kids anything. Same with MIL. So I just stopped. Moral of this story is that this is not your problem. This is for your DH to do.

[Anonymous]

My SILs and I live on different continents and aren't close at all, but we don't dislike each other, at least, I hope not! We have never sent each other gifts or wished each other happy birthday. We don't even know when each other's birthdays are. We do send messages for Christmas and the Vietnamese New Year. As Vietnamese, I don't think they care so much about birthdays, to be honest. I'm not Vietnamese, but I don't care much about mine either, so it works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea when my SILs' or BILs' birthdays are. Or my in laws, although they passed away years ago so it doesn't matter. But birthdays have never been a huge deal in our family.

+1
OP is acting childish and petty.

There is a post on dcum about sons being selfish and not attentive to their relatives with a debate about whether it is genetic or social conditioning. This post is a perfect example of the social conditioning women are abused with. It isn't op's job to get her sil a gift. Who on earth thinks she has to do this? Why did op ever take on this job? So many of you assume this is her job and are insulting op for being bothered about her birthday being ignored. This is sexism. It isn't her job to maintain dh's relationship with his sister.

[Anonymous]

Get a life. Who cares about non-milestone birthdays anyway?

Weird that you’ve been involved in sending SIL a gift/picking one out. “I’m sure Emily will like whatever you send her.” That’s what you say to your husband.

[Anonymous]

This is not a hill I would die on. I deal with this with my SIL. Not a happy bday text much less a present. I stopped buying gifts for her long ago. My husband might remember he might not. She tried one time to complain about this and was shut down. Don't let your husband make this your issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not a hill I would die on. I deal with this with my SIL. Not a happy bday text much less a present. I stopped buying gifts for her long ago. My husband might remember he might not. She tried one time to complain about this and was shut down. Don't let your husband make this your issue.

WHY DID YOU EVER? UGH. I am so done with the Martyr Women of DCUM who marry some guy and suddenly decide that he is incapable of setting his own damn priorities when it comes to his family. If he doesn’t remember, it’s not a priority, and that is not something for you to “fix.” YOUR HUSBAND NEVER MADE THIS YOUR ISSUE; YOU MADE IT YOUR ISSUE. Do you get it?

[Anonymous]

This is a husband problem. It's on him to recognize her birthday. Gifts are a waste anyway. Either wish her a happy birthday or don't. You don't owe her anything, but if he wants to get her a gift then he can have at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a husband problem. It's on him to recognize her birthday. Gifts are a waste anyway. Either wish her a happy birthday or don't. You don't owe her anything, but if he wants to get her a gift then he can have at it.

Unless the husband literally asked his wife, “Hey, now that we’re married, can you take on all birthday reminders and gift-buying for my side of the family? I’m a hapless idiot and can’t be trusted to maintain my own family relationships,” then no this is most certainly NOT a husband problem. If my husband rolled up and was like, “Hey do you want me to send your brother a birthday card and gift” I’d be like…hell yeah, thanks. One less thing for me to do. But as my husband isn’t in the habit of meddling in my affairs—or getting his self-worth from Leading Family Dynamics—this would never happen. THE PROBLEM is when wives volunteer for this shyt. Or when a DH asks or expects this help, and the wife says yes instead of “Nice try, Bucko.”

There are no victims here, only volunteers.

[Anonymous]

DH handles DH family. No hard feelings anywhere. He is forgetful but lovable.

[Anonymous]

You are being petty. First world problem, no doubt.

[Anonymous]

Don't participate op. Tell your dh it's on him. The whole bday gift thing for adults is silly.