SIL never wishes me happy birthday

[Anonymous]

Some background info. SIL has never wished me happy birthday except once in which she sent me a present and I thanked her and I thought it was very thoughtful and unexpected.

Her birthday is coming up in December and DH is asking what we are getting her. I’m kind of miffed that I have to remember hers. I’m not expecting a gift but rather just simple text hey I remember. Is that too much too ask? How do you forget someone’s birthday year after year?

Anyway it’s bothering me because now thinking of Christmas, it puts me in a rotten mood that she dislikes me or something. Am I just being petty? What’s reasonable for a SIL? I’m been married to my DH for 12 years.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn't send gifts to your family, I would not send gifts to her. Just do a quick text or email and be done with it. Or, do a $25-50 Amazon gift card and done.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to remember hers; your husband/her brother clearly did.

[Anonymous]

Why is DH asking you what “you” are getting his sister? Just say, I don’t know, she’s your sister so I assume you are taking care of it. As you know, she never remembers my birthday.

[Anonymous]

Let your husband take care of it and be done. Why is this on you to manage?

[Anonymous]

If you prefer just let him pick out something for her.

Honestly I've never thought to wish my SIL a happy birthday. No hard feelings, just not something we do.

[Anonymous]

"DH, she didn't send me a present or wish me happy birthday, so it seems that she and I aren't exchanging presents. You're welcome to send her something, though!"

[Anonymous]

Mine remembers it’s my birthday but out of spite she won’t text. If DH or I forget here, she whines to my in-laws.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea when my SILs' or BILs' birthdays are. Or my in laws, although they passed away years ago so it doesn't matter. But birthdays have never been a huge deal in our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is DH asking you what “you” are getting his sister? Just say, I don’t know, she’s your sister so I assume you are taking care of it. As you know, she never remembers my birthday.

Op here. That’s the part that upsets me. Like why am I suppose to remember? She doesn’t remember mine. DH is reasonable but he’s the people pleaser of his family.

[Anonymous]

Is your DH just talking about how he’s thinking about what to get his sister or is he pushing it on you? If he’s just brainstorming then whatever, you’re his partner and this is on his mind. Suck it up and recommend a bath bomb. If the later then tell him you don’t have enough time. If he pushes say that you and SIL don’t really celebrate each other’s birthdays so you have no idea what to do.

Get over issues about your birthday. Many adults simply just don’t care about birthdays. They remember their spouses and like, parents and siblings, and that’s basically it. Maybe randomly they get extra energy and get someone more on the periphery (like that one year you mention). Otherwise being her brothers wife she’s expecting that this is his realm.

[Anonymous]

YOU don’t HAVE to remember hers, dum-dum! “I’m sure your sister will like whatever you pick out and send to her.”

Done.

The era of Facebook means that remembering and recognizing birthdays is no longer some big deal. Like, when that one guy who sat behind you in 8th grade health wishes you a happy birthday, it’s enough, already.

[Anonymous]

Gifts for adults are kinda dumb unless it’s a big milestone. Just send her a group text

[Anonymous]

Just follow DH lead. Even if SIL got you nothing. L'Occitane Almond shower oil, hand cream, bar soap, Shea butter tin. .

[Anonymous]

I'll say it: Yes, you're being petty.

You don't have to get her a gift, but you're acting really childish. You don't want to get her one because she doesn't text you happy birthday? Gifts aren't supposed to be tit for tat. Give her a gift because you want to or don't give her a gift because you don't want to, but stop keeping score.