Do we decline Christmas invitation when they won’t vaccinate?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t decline in this case. Your children will have been vaccinated and they’ve already had covid.

[Anonymous]

I’m cautious by nature, but I’d still spend Christmas with them if I enjoyed their company — barring a new, vaccine-resistant variant cropping up. You can get covid again even if you have already had it and you can get it even if you’re fully vaccinated. Yes, the unvaccinated are even more likely to get it and spread it, but unless you’re prepared to stop seeing these relatives over holidays for a long time to come, that’s a risk you will take at some point.

How much of your dh’s stance is related to his irritation over their flippant attitude about covid (and possibly political disagreements) versus actual fear of covid transmission? Does he generally dislike spending time with them?

[Anonymous]

At this point since your whole family is vaccinated, this isn't a medical or public health issue for your family, it's a political one. Do you want to cut ties with your brother because he has a different stance then you? How much does your relationship mean to you?

[Anonymous]

In your situation I would not.

[Anonymous]

I'll say up front that I've never been incredibly COVID cautious in the way people on DCUM are. We saw family for the holidays last year (I'm not "protecting" my parents by keeping them alone on Christmas, that's cruel). We mask, we're all getting vaccinated (5 year old got her first shot yesterday!), etc., but we're in the middle of the caution spectrum.

But even if I had been more cautious, I don't see the point. Your vaccine protects you, mostly, their prior exposure probably also protects them, mostly. Nothing is 100% but the odds of getting COVID from this interaction are incredibly low. Refusing feels more like making a point that anything else and at some point we've got to stop sacrificing relationships on the altar of making points about COVID. Go see your family.

[Anonymous]

If you like them, you should go. Although I’m skipping Christmas at my parents because I can’t stand to see my brother and his family. Huge anti-vaxxers that go out of their way to call the rest of my family and me, “commies”, “sheep” and spew crazy conspiracies. If they weren’t so aggressive about their values, I’d go. They are increasingly becoming unhinged and I think time apart will be better. I’m surprised by how anti-vaxxers are becoming so angry, it worries me.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all!

Husband indeed can't stand SIL but after all these years, he's learned to put up with her. I think he is holding me to this because I was asking if his family vaccinated prior to us visiting. They have. In fact, he doesn't want to visit his family for Thanksgiving because the kids won't be fully vaccinated by then and their state has a high COVID case count right now, so he's not being a jerk. He's right to hold my family to the same standards and expectations.

When we visit my brother, we stay at a hotel and our kids sleep over at their house to spend time with their cousins. I think this time, we'll just have the kids stay with us at the hotel. Seems like a fair compromise.

Also, he is my only sibling and I love him dearly. We are kids of immigrants so we have no one else, aside from our parents who will be staying at his house (parents are vaccinated and got their booster last month). Also, our kids adore their cousins.

How we ended up on the opposite side of the political spectrum astounds me!

Thanks again for indulging me and helping me come up with a solution.

[Anonymous]

I'm in your sister - except it's my husband's family and they HAVEN'T had covid. I would have fewer reservations if they did have covid already! Anyway - we are still seeing them because I think family is important and I'm not willing to never see them again over this. We don't have any high risk conditions that I am aware of, and we are all now able to be vaccinated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in your sister - except it's my husband's family and they HAVEN'T had covid. I would have fewer reservations if they did have covid already! Anyway - we are still seeing them because I think family is important and I'm not willing to never see them again over this. We don't have any high risk conditions that I am aware of, and we are all now able to be vaccinated.

I mean I am in your situation LOL

[Anonymous]

Just caught Studio 1A on NPR. They discussed how navigate the holidays with vaxed/unvaxed family. The bottom line was that everyone has different levels of risk and you should do what you feel is best/safest for your family. Here's a link: https://the1a.org/segments/holiday-hurdles-navigating-family-gatherings-in-a-pandemic/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m with your husband. I’ve lost all respect for the anti-vaxxers, including the ones in my family. But to be honest, I never really enjoyed their company much to begin with. So maybe that’s part of where he’s coming from?

This. It's time to stop seeing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all!

Husband indeed can't stand SIL but after all these years, he's learned to put up with her. I think he is holding me to this because I was asking if his family vaccinated prior to us visiting. They have. In fact, he doesn't want to visit his family for Thanksgiving because the kids won't be fully vaccinated by then and their state has a high COVID case count right now, so he's not being a jerk. He's right to hold my family to the same standards and expectations.

When we visit my brother, we stay at a hotel and our kids sleep over at their house to spend time with their cousins. I think this time, we'll just have the kids stay with us at the hotel. Seems like a fair compromise.

Also, he is my only sibling and I love him dearly. We are kids of immigrants so we have no one else, aside from our parents who will be staying at his house (parents are vaccinated and got their booster last month). Also, our kids adore their cousins.

How we ended up on the opposite side of the political spectrum astounds me!

Thanks again for indulging me and helping me come up with a solution.

The kids aren't vaccinated yet OP. It's only two years, it's not like you are not seeing each other every again. Stay at home and enjoy having a holiday with your own nuclear family.

[Anonymous]

Op, you can have a preference for anything you want. You can have a preference for not attending. Any reason is fine. This can be a preference. They don't vaccinate. You aren't coming.

[Anonymous]

Two separate questions here OP.

Question 1: Is my vaccinated family at risk from hanging out with an unvaccinated family?

The answer? Probably not - even if you get a breakthrough case, chances are it will be mild if you are vaccinated?

Question 2: Independent of risk, do you want to hang out with people who are so selfish or so foolish that they won't get vaccinated, even if those people are family.

For me, the answer is no, but everybody might have a different answer here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all!

Husband indeed can't stand SIL but after all these years, he's learned to put up with her. I think he is holding me to this because I was asking if his family vaccinated prior to us visiting. They have. In fact, he doesn't want to visit his family for Thanksgiving because the kids won't be fully vaccinated by then and their state has a high COVID case count right now, so he's not being a jerk. He's right to hold my family to the same standards and expectations.

When we visit my brother, we stay at a hotel and our kids sleep over at their house to spend time with their cousins. I think this time, we'll just have the kids stay with us at the hotel. Seems like a fair compromise.

Also, he is my only sibling and I love him dearly. We are kids of immigrants so we have no one else, aside from our parents who will be staying at his house (parents are vaccinated and got their booster last month). Also, our kids adore their cousins.

How we ended up on the opposite side of the political spectrum astounds me!

Thanks again for indulging me and helping me come up with a solution.

The kids aren't vaccinated yet OP. It's only two years, it's not like you are not seeing each other every again. Stay at home and enjoy having a holiday with your own nuclear family.

Kids ages 5-11 will be fully vaccinated by Christmas. I'm not saying that OP should or shouldn't see her brother, but kids older than 5 will be vaccinated.