My mother messed with my son’s meds and told him not to take it

[Anonymous]

OP I am curious why you left him with her in the first place. We’re you unaware how ill she is? Have her symptoms gotten worse?

Is she dealing with something like dementia where she truly does not understand what happened or is she aware that what she did was wrong but is not apologetic? I would handle these two situations in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to let your child’s pediatrician know he was off meds and for how long.

OP here. It’s already been a few weeks. He didn’t tell us right away though we have an appointment soon.

For others, should I tell her I’m distancing or just not engage? She’s completely oblivious and texting me like all is a-ok.

Do whatever it is *you* want.

My mom is similar - I could totally see her doing the exact same thing. She did something unforgivable about 2 years ago, and after 35 years of keeping quiet, I. Blew. Up. Any rational person would have told me I crossed a line. But OMG, it felt sooooo good and I have zero regrets over how I handled it. Sometimes you gotta take the low road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am curious why you left him with her in the first place. We’re you unaware how ill she is? Have her symptoms gotten worse?

Is she dealing with something like dementia where she truly does not understand what happened or is she aware that what she did was wrong but is not apologetic? I would handle these two situations in different ways.

I’m not sure really. She’s probably got undiagnosed bi-polar disorder or Asperger or something, but sometimes she can be rational and normal. It can be very unpredictable. I think I just always wish for her normal periods to last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am curious why you left him with her in the first place. We’re you unaware how ill she is? Have her symptoms gotten worse?

Is she dealing with something like dementia where she truly does not understand what happened or is she aware that what she did was wrong but is not apologetic? I would handle these two situations in different ways.

I’m not sure really. She’s probably got undiagnosed bi-polar disorder or Asperger or something, but sometimes she can be rational and normal. It can be very unpredictable. I think I just always wish for her normal periods to last.

I can understand why that would be difficult to handle. Since it does not seem like she has a degenerative disease where she is not in touch with reality and can not comprehend what she has done, I would clearly and calmly state why you are cutting off contact for a period and then do that. If you want to reintroduce supervised visits at some point you can then do that.

[Anonymous]

You must tell her you know what happened and that her actions were damaging to your child by disrupting his medication schedule now requiring his doctor to make adjustments. Then tell her you are even more concerned that she willfully undermined you as a parent and encouraged your child to lie about medication. Tell her she broke trust and you need time to decide how to move forward. MS is a hard time for parenting and for her to pit your son against you is inexcusable.

[Anonymous]

I know you asked for advice on your mom, and you have been given some great advice, but I would also use this as an opportunity to check in with my son. I'm someone who had been on medication for years, so is DH , between we have ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, and HFA. by MS we were asking for our meds because they made things so much better for us. Probably would have called out parents if Grandma wasn't giving it to us. So I would check in with how your son is feeling about his own medication, does he note a difference on vs off. How does the medication itself make him feel. I've been on meds that made me feel awful even though the results were good.
Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

My mother acted similar in regards to my child’s food allergies. Went on a rant about how eating peanuts on a plane was her right, regardless if she were asked not to by the airline and she didn’t care what happened. The whole time I was incredulous because my child has peanut allergies. I still don’t get it and know she’s deny ever saying it if I brought it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot I can say about my parents but to spare anyone reading a book, I’ll spare you all the things. My son is on my medication. He’s finally on grade level, doesn’t have 4 hour melt downs every day and can participate in group activities. He’s finally a real kid. He’s not without his sass but it’s in the realm of normal now and middle school is going great. So my parents watched my kids when my husband and I went on a trip and my parents watched them for about 5 days. Not only did my mother not give my son any of his medication but she told him to just pretend to take it and spit it in the toilet instead so I wouldn’t know.

When I asked her about it she told me she didn’t give AF and I could call the cops if I wanted.

I’m furious. Not only could messing with his meds like that cause serious problems, but messing with his head about his meds gives him real hang ups.

Now she’s just texting me as if nothing has happened. I just can’t engage. My mother 100% has her own undiagnosed mental health issues (for real not just because I’m angry) so I just don’t know if I should just accept that she’s unwell and obviously never let her watch my children unsupervised again or give myself/family more distance from them. Like I said, this is only one instance…there are so many other things.

You're mother should never be watching your DC unsupervised and frankly, I wouldn't leave her alone with him even for a short time. I don't know what her mental health problems are, but if she's competent, I would have cut the relationship over this - she endangered your child, encouraged him to lie to his parents, insinuated to him that something was wrong with taking his prescribed medication, undermined your authority, and was unrepentant about any of it. I mean, what else is there? If another adult hurt my kid like that, they're gone, period.

[Anonymous]

I would punish her by letting her know that what she did was unforgivable and not celebrating any of her special occasions (Holidays, birthdays etc) with her for quite some time. No contact, no visits, no nothing. Call your father and tell him he’s welcome to visit by himself.

Can you tell I’ve lived through the same thing? Mental health should not be an excuse for putting kids in danger.

We are now on better terms with my mother. I struck so hard she didn’t understood she couldn’t do that again.

[Anonymous]

Oos - she understood she couldn’t do that again.

[Anonymous]

Are you the one with mental problems, OP? Your poor judgment makes me ask you this question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the one with mental problems, OP? Your poor judgment makes me ask you this question.

A lot of times when people grow up with crazy of abusive parents they don’t realize which behaviors are normal and which are abnormal. They don’t seem abusive toward the grandkids they way they were to them when they were kids, and there’s so much pressure to forgive and move forward with a normal relationship. If you cut someone off or deny them time to build a relationship with the kids you’re considered overprotective and overreactive at best. So you let them have visits and ask them to babysit when you go away for a weekend or whatever, then you realize they really were crazy or abusive and you should’ve had your guard up more.

Questions like that usually aren’t very helpful and tend to prevent people who truly need help from reaching out.

[Anonymous]

I would have a long talk with my son about doing what's right for his health even if someone isn't forcing him to, and how Grandma was wrong. And I'd never let him be alone with her ever again, and might not let her be around any of us for a long time.