My mother messed with my son’s meds and told him not to take it

[Anonymous]

There is a lot I can say about my parents but to spare anyone reading a book, I’ll spare you all the things. My son is on my medication. He’s finally on grade level, doesn’t have 4 hour melt downs every day and can participate in group activities. He’s finally a real kid. He’s not without his sass but it’s in the realm of normal now and middle school is going great. So my parents watched my kids when my husband and I went on a trip and my parents watched them for about 5 days. Not only did my mother not give my son any of his medication but she told him to just pretend to take it and spit it in the toilet instead so I wouldn’t know.

When I asked her about it she told me she didn’t give AF and I could call the cops if I wanted.

I’m furious. Not only could messing with his meds like that cause serious problems, but messing with his head about his meds gives him real hang ups.

Now she’s just texting me as if nothing has happened. I just can’t engage. My mother 100% has her own undiagnosed mental health issues (for real not just because I’m angry) so I just don’t know if I should just accept that she’s unwell and obviously never let her watch my children unsupervised again or give myself/family more distance from them. Like I said, this is only one instance…there are so many other things.

[Anonymous]

Why would you leave them with her???

[Anonymous]

Well obviously you need to hire a sitter next time you want a 5 day vacation and not use your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you leave them with her???

+1. You left a special needs child with someone you asses to be “mentally unstable” for 5 days???

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry this happened OP.

Yes, you must never let your mom watch your kid again. Sorry.

You can cut her off entirely, or keep seeing her so long as she doesn't talk about meds with your son. You don't have to decide now, and it's fine to tell her you don't want to talk right now because of what she did.

Right now you have to focus on repairing this with your son. If he trusts his doctor, maybe see if you can raise it with the doctor and your son together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot I can say about my parents but to spare anyone reading a book, I’ll spare you all the things. My son is on my medication. He’s finally on grade level, doesn’t have 4 hour melt downs every day and can participate in group activities. He’s finally a real kid. He’s not without his sass but it’s in the realm of normal now and middle school is going great. So my parents watched my kids when my husband and I went on a trip and my parents watched them for about 5 days. Not only did my mother not give my son any of his medication but she told him to just pretend to take it and spit it in the toilet instead so I wouldn’t know.

When I asked her about it she told me she didn’t give AF and I could call the cops if I wanted.

I’m furious. Not only could messing with his meds like that cause serious problems, but messing with his head about his meds gives him real hang ups.

Now she’s just texting me as if nothing has happened. I just can’t engage. My mother 100% has her own undiagnosed mental health issues (for real not just because I’m angry) so I just don’t know if I should just accept that she’s unwell and obviously never let her watch my children unsupervised again or give myself/family more distance from them. Like I said, this is only one instance…there are so many other things.

Both. Back away, and when you do have limited time with her, don't expect much.

The key is to know your boundaries and be clear with yourself about them. Be clear with her, too, but no drama. Take the emotion out of it, don't let it out with her -- that will escalate the emotions. Just be calm, factual, and limited in what you will do and how much you talk about it. Try to think of it as a marathon (it is). Don't make it worse.

[Anonymous]

Do both:
Accept that she has a mental health condition
AND
Disengage from her

-Do not respond to her text. Wait 24 hours. Slowly add more and more time to respond to her. All calls go to voicemail. You respond when at least 24 hours have gone by, if not longer.
-Read up on what it means to “gray rock” someone
-Have other plans when invited over, including the holidays

What she did was reckless and unforgivable.

[Anonymous]

You cannot let your parents have anymore unsupervised time with your kids. Not even a phone call - if they talk in the phone it goes on speaker so you can hear what they’re saying. And it goes for both of your parents, not just your mom, because they were both there when she was messing with your son’s medication.

[Anonymous]

There’s not really anything you can do except not allow them to be alone with your kids.

[Anonymous]

I think it needs to be both - more space/distance and no longer leaving her as a sitter again, ever.

[Anonymous]

You need to let your child’s pediatrician know he was off meds and for how long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to let your child’s pediatrician know he was off meds and for how long.

OP here. It’s already been a few weeks. He didn’t tell us right away though we have an appointment soon.

For others, should I tell her I’m distancing or just not engage? She’s completely oblivious and texting me like all is a-ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to let your child’s pediatrician know he was off meds and for how long.

OP here. It’s already been a few weeks. He didn’t tell us right away though we have an appointment soon.

For others, should I tell her I’m distancing or just not engage? She’s completely oblivious and texting me like all is a-ok.

It’s totally up to you. Personally I’m a pretty direct person and would say something along the lines of “I am thankful you watched our child while we were away, but think you really crossed a line not giving my son his medication. It’s just not ok to ignore a doctor’s prescription and not tell me about it, no matter how you feel about whether or not he needed it. And I don’t appreciate your response when we talked about it. I didn’t feel like listened to my concerns. I need some time to process this because I’m quite upset, and I hope you’ll respect that.”

[Anonymous]

Did your son tell you when you got back home? This is a side note, but does he understand this medication is vital for his well-being and that only you or his doctor can tell him not to take it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to let your child’s pediatrician know he was off meds and for how long.

OP here. It’s already been a few weeks. He didn’t tell us right away though we have an appointment soon.

For others, should I tell her I’m distancing or just not engage? She’s completely oblivious . texting me like all is a-ok.

It’s totally up to you. Personally I’m a pretty direct person and would say something along the lines of “I am thankful you watched our child while we were away, but think you really crossed a line not giving my son his medication. It’s just not ok to ignore a doctor’s prescription and not tell me about it, no matter how you feel about whether or not he needed it. And I don’t appreciate your response when we talked about it. I didn’t feel like listened to my concerns. I need some time to process this because I’m quite upset, and I hope you’ll respect that.”

I think it's reasonable to just fade without comment if you can't deal with it, but I'd probably say something like this. And then drop it. No point in discussing it to death.