Whose wedding to attend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You get invited to two weddings that are taking place on the same day. Your best friend's that you have been friends with since second grade and your cousin who you are close with but not as much so as your best friend. Your best friend is pretty much a sister to you. Whose wedding do you go to and why? Also you are in your BFFs wedding but not your cousin's.

BFF for sure. You are needed there in wedding party.

Could you attend the bridal shower for your cousin and give a generous gift from the registry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're in the wedding party, there's your answer.

So if OP’s cousin invited her to her wedding, and OP marked it on her calendar, and the BFF invited her to be in the wedding party a month later? In what universe would that be OK. No one is “declared into” a wedding party. They are *asked* to be in a wedding party, not informed that they are in a wedding party.

DP. Disagree. A save the date is an FYI. You're not committed until you respond to the actual invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you're in the wedding party, there's your answer.

So if OP’s cousin invited her to her wedding, and OP marked it on her calendar, and the BFF invited her to be in the wedding party a month later? In what universe would that be OK. No one is “declared into” a wedding party. They are *asked* to be in a wedding party, not informed that they are in a wedding party.

Receiving a save the date (or even marking it on your calendar) doesn’t equal rsvping. Typically people send out save the dates long before an actual invite, whereas the actual rsvp is typically requested a few weeks out, not months in advance. Its not like the first person to send out a placeholder wins. It seems unlikely that op would be asked to be in the wedding party of her friend after she has already actually officially rsvped and committed to attend her cousin’s wedding, so yes in most cases being a member of the wedding party for a close friend would trump being a passive participant at a cousin’s regardless of whose date was set first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Knowing and actually getting an invitation are two different things. OP might have learned that her cousin was getting married through a family member or a save the date card prior to learning that her BFF is getting married. It’s not until the actual invitation goes out that OP will have to make a commitment. Simply knowing about the date of a wedding does not commit you to going.

If OP has returned a response card to the cousin, then she is obligated to go. My guess is that no one has sent out invites. Both brides announced their weddings, and the BFF did so after the cousin. And the BFF asked OP to be in the wedding. Assuming no invitations have gone out, OP will commit to her BFF’s wedding and send a nice gift to the cousin.

This.

[Anonymous]

Of course - your BFF

[Anonymous]

How is this even a question? BFF who is pretty much a sister to you whose wedding your are actually in or your cousin's who you aren't close to and whose wedding you aren't in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bff, since you are in the wedding. But maybe send spouse and kids to cousins?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are in BFF's wedding. End of story.

No, it’s not the “end of the story” if OP was invited to her cousin’s wedding/was told that date first.

Whomever first told OP that she was invited to her wedding on X date is the one OP should attend. Even if there is an *invitation* to be in a wedding party, an invitation is not a summons. “I’m so sorry, my cousin Jane is also getting married on that same date, and she already invited us.”

Given that OP said she IS IN BFF’s wedding (as opposed to saying she was asked to be in the wedding), it’s clear that OP accepted when BFF asked her to be in it. She has already made a commitment to BFF. So yes, end of story. And that’s without even factoring in that OP is closer to BFF.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why everyone is saying it's pretty much a no brainer to attend the BFF's over the cousin's wedding? She may be closer to her BFF than her cousin but her cousin is family. Family comes first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are in BFF's wedding. End of story.

No, it’s not the “end of the story” if OP was invited to her cousin’s wedding/was told that date first.

Whomever first told OP that she was invited to her wedding on X date is the one OP should attend. Even if there is an *invitation* to be in a wedding party, an invitation is not a summons. “I’m so sorry, my cousin Jane is also getting married on that same date, and she already invited us.”

Given that OP said she IS IN BFF’s wedding (as opposed to saying she was asked to be in the wedding), it’s clear that OP accepted when BFF asked her to be in it. She has already made a commitment to BFF. So yes, end of story. And that’s without even factoring in that OP is closer to BFF.

+100

[Anonymous]

How close are you to your cousin? I can't imagine missing a family members wedding for a friend even my best friend. Now if my bestie was really far along in planning and I had already RSVP and agreed to be in the wedding I would attend the wedding but would try my hardest to make my family members reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why everyone is saying it's pretty much a no brainer to attend the BFF's over the cousin's wedding? She may be closer to her BFF than her cousin but her cousin is family. Family comes first.

There's genetic family and chosen family which may or may not have a genetic component. Clearly, OP isn't as close to her cousin since she's not in her cousin's wedding and she is in her BFFs. That tells us all we need to know about the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How close are you to your cousin? I can't imagine missing a family members wedding for a friend even my best friend. Now if my bestie was really far along in planning and I had already RSVP and agreed to be in the wedding I would attend the wedding but would try my hardest to make my family members reception.

NP. This isn't just a regular friend though this is a best friend since 2nd grade I think that's a little different. She isn't choosing a standard friend that she met last year she is choosing a very best friend that has been there and supported her through every stage of life.

A cousin isn't a close family but this is a super close friend that she said is pretty much a sister to her. Also she stated she isn't that close to the cousin and she isn't even in the wedding but she is super close to her friend and is in the wedding. So wouldn't the answer in this case be obvious you would attend the wedding of the person you are clearly closer too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why everyone is saying it's pretty much a no brainer to attend the BFF's over the cousin's wedding? She may be closer to her BFF than her cousin but her cousin is family. Family comes first.

There's genetic family and chosen family which may or may not have a genetic component. Clearly, OP isn't as close to her cousin since she's not in her cousin's wedding and she is in her BFFs. That tells us all we need to know about the relationship.

Exactly. How does shared genetics automatically make you closer? I have had the same BFF since kindergarten if she chose her cousin's wedding over mine when I know her well enough to know that she doesn't have an outside personal relationship with her cousin except on big holidays where as we are super close and have supported each other through everything. I would have been super hurt and confused. I go by closeness not genetics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How close are you to your cousin? I can't imagine missing a family members wedding for a friend even my best friend. Now if my bestie was really far along in planning and I had already RSVP and agreed to be in the wedding I would attend the wedding but would try my hardest to make my family members reception.

It's funny you say this because I actually came on here to say the exact opposite to me it's a no brainer to choose your very close BFF who most likely has been by your side through everything because you choose that person to bond with than a distant family member you most likely just see on occasion. Chosen family comes first.