People with kids at a safety school — How are they doing?
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Anonymous
PP did not say anyone was "miserable". Just that her kid who went to IU was happier than any of his/her classmates. I'm not sure if we are from the same school but at our "fancy" private school the graduating class is about 70 kids. After all those years together everyone knows everyone's business. Even now I know how many kids from my DC's graduating class are seeking to transfer out, how many have entered rehab and how many are either very happy or not. This is sometimes hard to believe from families at bigger public high schools. The happiest kids I know of did end up at the big state schools. Apart from Michigan, all other big state schools at my kid's private school are considered safeties. Yes, even UVA. As it turned out, the kids at Michigan and UVA are very happy. But so are the kids at Wisconsin, UC Santa Barbara, UT Austin and yes, Indiana. The kids at the Ivies are hating it. It's hard to be a minnow in that bigger pond and it's tough grinding away to get the GPAs needed for med, law and business school surrounded by so many gifted and grinder students. The kids at the SLACs apart from the athletes are also as a group not happy. They found out by first semester what a ridiculously small pond they just floated into. Most SLACs are smaller than most public high schools in this area. Yeah, sure the "recruited" athletes in such sports as field hockey and lacrosse might see themselves as BWOC/BMOC, but no one else seems to care. The only spectators at their games seems to be parents and a handful of significant others. My takeaway, it's easy to get caught up in the college brand name mania when you are in the middle of all of that madness. But after a few years you figure out how misplaced your values were. |
Anonymous
It's made up that this poster was made to feel embarrassed by Indiana? Doubt it. That's what these intense privates are like. Constant dick measuring among the kids and parents and not a lot of perspective It's not great and makes it a very unhappy time for a lot of people. |
Anonymous
Come on. You know. The top privates are the name brand schools. Where parents think the "college process will end up" varies greatly by parent. I have a kid at one of these and I'd say that at least 80% of the parent body went to top 50 schools themselves. Probably 50% went to top 20 schools. So they hope for the same or their kids, although college admissions are entirely different today than they were in the late 80s or early 90s. Some of their kids are incredibly smart and some are just bright but all have worked really hard. I have a two kids in public and one in a top private and the amount of work the private school expects dwarfs the expectations of the public school. These kids are really put through their paces with reading, writing, etc. It's a grind. There are no retakes, no late assignments, just continual stream of homework and more homework. So I can see why parents expect a decent college result because their kids have slogged through a lot. It's sink or swim. Those who graduate (and kids are counseled out) are pretty impressive even if they were not outlying geniuses to start with. They've been beaten into being great writers, etc. I have yet to go through the college admissions process but I'm dreading it. Almost everyone wants the same schools. Clearly that won't come close to happening. |
Anonymous
| If you went to H-Y-P 30 years ago, the current experience there especially socially and academically, will be completely foreign to you. |
Anonymous
What does that mean? |
Anonymous
He never said top private |
Anonymous
Harvard, Yale, Princeton |
Anonymous
Sure, but the kids you "know" didn't go to a public high school. They were in a class of 70 people. A fair assumption would be that those who chose a SLAC likely did so because they LIKED that small pond feel. I think you're full of it and know about 1/3 of what you actually think you do. |
Anonymous
| Most SLACs have a student body comprised of 30-40% recruited athletes. These athletes are attracted to the SLACs because of the top shelf academics but let's face it, being a "recruited athlete" and a "college athlete" has an enticing lure to it. The SLACs get bright kids who more often than not come from full pay families. It's a win-win but what I take from the prior post is that being a "college athlete" at a D3 may not be worth it after all, and being a NARP at a place like Wisconsin might have been a better path. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Just go read a private school forum thread about matriculation statistics at any given “Big 3.” You’ll believe it. |
Anonymous
We all understood that she meant the families they are in touch with. And actually so did you. Her narrative so defies whatever you believe (or whatever sacrifices you have incurred to take a different path), that you HAVE to be all snarky and suspicious. What an unhappy, insecure person you must be. |
Anonymous
In our public school (a W in Montgomery County MD), there was still a lot of judgement and competition. But luckily, my kid was well grounded and did not let it phase her. Her choice (of a safety over targets she also got into) made me proud. She is now EXCELLING in her college, because she stands out there. She is getting a very good education, lots of professor time and attention, and has taken the initiative to secure some of the most prestigious internships in her field. I can't see that it has hurt her at all. (Plus-she has incurred no debt, because they rewarded her with generous merit aid.) I have no way of knowing how she would have done elsewhere, but I think she regained a lot of confidence by attending the school she chose. And is well on her way to a very successful adult life. |
Anonymous
"...beaten into...." Sounds like a great childhood. No wonder so many rich kids have anxiety, depression and substance abuse disorders. |
Anonymous
Wait, I thought the whole idea of a too private was that the kids are so well prepared for college that nothing shocks them once they are there. Honestly, I find your post hard to believe. My son graduated from a top public school where many kids end up in Ivies and other challenging schools - MIT, UChicago, Carnegie Mellon. And I just don't see the massive regrets that you are describing (yes, he is close enough to people that he would know). Yes, the kids who used to sleep through calculus and get As are now working hard for A- in their math and CS majors classes, but they very much expected it. |