High School Teens w/ADHD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your high schooler has ADHD, how involved are you (if at all) in making sure he/she turns in assignments on time and completes the entire assignment?

My son has a 504 and I am fully involved. I help him organize his calendar, set reminders on his apple watch, sit with him EVERY DAY and go over what needs to be done while he writes a to-do list. He would simply fail otherwise, he just cannot keep track of anything. I remember his freshman year, during his 504 meeting one of the teachers asked us"if you are so involved, how will he ever learn to do it on his own? How will he do in college when he is on his own?" Well we tried backing off during his 8th grade year for 3 months, and he pretty much failed every class. I have 3 kids, my other two are incredible independent and I never worry about their homework because they remember what they need to do and take a reasonable time to complete tasks. My ADHD kid will not be able to handle college on his own, sending him to college is setting him up to fail. He will need to attend a local college, take only a couple of classes per semester and, if necessary, live at home while doing that. We want him to get a degree and he wants to get a degree, but he understands his own struggles. In the end, the only difference is that it will take him a bit longer to get there and he needs to study something he loves because he is hyperfocused when he does things he loves to do.

Why are you sending him to college? Has he ever tried a trade? Carpentry, plumbing, etc.? He might really enjoy that. I would hate having to go to regular school in his situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your high schooler has ADHD, how involved are you (if at all) in making sure he/she turns in assignments on time and completes the entire assignment?

My son has a 504 and I am fully involved. I help him organize his calendar, set reminders on his apple watch, sit with him EVERY DAY and go over what needs to be done while he writes a to-do list. He would simply fail otherwise, he just cannot keep track of anything. I remember his freshman year, during his 504 meeting one of the teachers asked us"if you are so involved, how will he ever learn to do it on his own? How will he do in college when he is on his own?" Well we tried backing off during his 8th grade year for 3 months, and he pretty much failed every class. I have 3 kids, my other two are incredible independent and I never worry about their homework because they remember what they need to do and take a reasonable time to complete tasks. My ADHD kid will not be able to handle college on his own, sending him to college is setting him up to fail. He will need to attend a local college, take only a couple of classes per semester and, if necessary, live at home while doing that. We want him to get a degree and he wants to get a degree, but he understands his own struggles. In the end, the only difference is that it will take him a bit longer to get there and he needs to study something he loves because he is hyperfocused when he does things he loves to do.

My son is only in 6th and this is also us. He has many strengths, but I’m not starting him off at a four year college. CC with a state school transfer is a much better plan. And I want to make sure he’s employable (period) before I even think about what type of job.

It bugs me when teachers say things like that, and I’m a 20 year veteran of the profession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your high schooler has ADHD, how involved are you (if at all) in making sure he/she turns in assignments on time and completes the entire assignment?

My son has a 504 and I am fully involved. I help him organize his calendar, set reminders on his apple watch, sit with him EVERY DAY and go over what needs to be done while he writes a to-do list. He would simply fail otherwise, he just cannot keep track of anything. I remember his freshman year, during his 504 meeting one of the teachers asked us"if you are so involved, how will he ever learn to do it on his own? How will he do in college when he is on his own?" Well we tried backing off during his 8th grade year for 3 months, and he pretty much failed every class. I have 3 kids, my other two are incredible independent and I never worry about their homework because they remember what they need to do and take a reasonable time to complete tasks. My ADHD kid will not be able to handle college on his own, sending him to college is setting him up to fail. He will need to attend a local college, take only a couple of classes per semester and, if necessary, live at home while doing that. We want him to get a degree and he wants to get a degree, but he understands his own struggles. In the end, the only difference is that it will take him a bit longer to get there and he needs to study something he loves because he is hyperfocused when he does things he loves to do.

Why are you sending him to college? Has he ever tried a trade? Carpentry, plumbing, etc.? He might really enjoy that. I would hate having to go to regular school in his situation.

+1. I really wish schools still had a vo-tech option, the way they did when I went to school. We still need people who know how to do that type of skilled work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your high schooler has ADHD, how involved are you (if at all) in making sure he/she turns in assignments on time and completes the entire assignment?

My son has a 504 and I am fully involved. I help him organize his calendar, set reminders on his apple watch, sit with him EVERY DAY and go over what needs to be done while he writes a to-do list. He would simply fail otherwise, he just cannot keep track of anything. I remember his freshman year, during his 504 meeting one of the teachers asked us"if you are so involved, how will he ever learn to do it on his own? How will he do in college when he is on his own?" Well we tried backing off during his 8th grade year for 3 months, and he pretty much failed every class. I have 3 kids, my other two are incredible independent and I never worry about their homework because they remember what they need to do and take a reasonable time to complete tasks. My ADHD kid will not be able to handle college on his own, sending him to college is setting him up to fail. He will need to attend a local college, take only a couple of classes per semester and, if necessary, live at home while doing that. We want him to get a degree and he wants to get a degree, but he understands his own struggles. In the end, the only difference is that it will take him a bit longer to get there and he needs to study something he loves because he is hyperfocused when he does things he loves to do.

My son is only in 6th and this is also us. He has many strengths, but I’m not starting him off at a four year college. CC with a state school transfer is a much better plan. And I want to make sure he’s employable (period) before I even think about what type of job.

It bugs me when teachers say things like that, and I’m a 20 year veteran of the profession.

Same here for us. Our kids will get it. It will just take longer. My brother was never diagnosed with ADHD but I think he has it. And something just clicked for him in college. After flunking out the first year. He went back to a community college, took a study class, and it was like a lightbulb went on for him for the first time. He graduated with honors, even though it took him longer than the average kid. This is what I foresee for my son. It's just a longer path, but he will get there.

[Anonymous]

I am heavily involved with our 10th grader--making sure she knows what her assignments are, helping her to formulate a weekly plan for getting the work done, making sure it is done and done completely. My view is that I am teaching her good habits so that she can become increasingly independent, and she has made enormous progress. My hope and expectation is that she will be fully independent by college, and I am sure she wouldn't be without help. At the same time, I help her preserve time for fun and creativity. She is very creative as many ADHD kids are, and there needs to be room for that too.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. We did that in middle school, and all that happened is that we were always angry at each other. I've now turned it over to the school, which has a 30 minute mandatory study hall after school every day for kids who are behind. It's between school and my kid.

[Anonymous]

We also are not involved in our high school junior's academics. But, I will help if asked (maybe once every couple of weeks reading over an essay or something) and I will get tutors if requested (had a math tutor a few times for pre-calculus).

But I was really involved in middle school and have reduced every year to give him more ownership and he also has accommodations at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your high schooler has ADHD, how involved are you (if at all) in making sure he/she turns in assignments on time and completes the entire assignment?

My son has a 504 and I am fully involved. I help him organize his calendar, set reminders on his apple watch, sit with him EVERY DAY and go over what needs to be done while he writes a to-do list. He would simply fail otherwise, he just cannot keep track of anything. I remember his freshman year, during his 504 meeting one of the teachers asked us"if you are so involved, how will he ever learn to do it on his own? How will he do in college when he is on his own?" Well we tried backing off during his 8th grade year for 3 months, and he pretty much failed every class. I have 3 kids, my other two are incredible independent and I never worry about their homework because they remember what they need to do and take a reasonable time to complete tasks. My ADHD kid will not be able to handle college on his own, sending him to college is setting him up to fail. He will need to attend a local college, take only a couple of classes per semester and, if necessary, live at home while doing that. We want him to get a degree and he wants to get a degree, but he understands his own struggles. In the end, the only difference is that it will take him a bit longer to get there and he needs to study something he loves because he is hyperfocused when he does things he loves to do.

This was my DS in middle school and first two years of high school. It was a hot, stressful mess. I prayed DS would be able to graduate high school. He switched to a smaller private high school in 11th grade. The staff helped him organize and stay on top of his work. But, there were still lots of reminders up until weekend before graduation so he could graduate. He is now a freshman in college majoring in computer science and so far he is keeping it all together and staying on top of things. There are lots of resources in place at college, actually more than high school. I am quite amazed to be honest. Students just need to avail themselves of the support. DS has accommodations like extra time on tests, recording notes, and taking tests in a quiet room if needed. The college schedule is more manageable too because unlike high school, where DS would have 6 subjects and classes a day and tons of homework, in college he has a maximum of 5 classes or 16 hours and may have at the most three classes in one day. Some days he may have one or two. Classes do not meet every day like in high school. He seems to have enough time to study and get assignments done. There are also study sessions for students to prep for tests and lots of tutors available. The professors in college have office hours and encourage students to come see them for help. DS has already scheduled several appointments with his math and computer science professors. DS meets with his advisor in his major department to go over his class schedule before registering for classes each semester to make sure he is staying on track with his major. I never thought I would say this but college for DS is more manageable so far than high school. I never, ever imagined this but am thrilled for DS.

[Anonymous]

I know this is a high school question but I’m going to answer even though DD is in 8th. I am certain I won’t be involved at all because she refuses to let me help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your high schooler has ADHD, how involved are you (if at all) in making sure he/she turns in assignments on time and completes the entire assignment?

My son has a 504 and I am fully involved. I help him organize his calendar, set reminders on his apple watch, sit with him EVERY DAY and go over what needs to be done while he writes a to-do list. He would simply fail otherwise, he just cannot keep track of anything. I remember his freshman year, during his 504 meeting one of the teachers asked us"if you are so involved, how will he ever learn to do it on his own? How will he do in college when he is on his own?" Well we tried backing off during his 8th grade year for 3 months, and he pretty much failed every class. I have 3 kids, my other two are incredible independent and I never worry about their homework because they remember what they need to do and take a reasonable time to complete tasks. My ADHD kid will not be able to handle college on his own, sending him to college is setting him up to fail. He will need to attend a local college, take only a couple of classes per semester and, if necessary, live at home while doing that. We want him to get a degree and he wants to get a degree, but he understands his own struggles. In the end, the only difference is that it will take him a bit longer to get there and he needs to study something he loves because he is hyperfocused when he does things he loves to do.

This was my DS in middle school and first two years of high school. It was a hot, stressful mess. I prayed DS would be able to graduate high school. He switched to a smaller private high school in 11th grade. The staff helped him organize and stay on top of his work. But, there were still lots of reminders up until weekend before graduation so he could graduate. He is now a freshman in college majoring in computer science and so far he is keeping it all together and staying on top of things. There are lots of resources in place at college, actually more than high school. I am quite amazed to be honest. Students just need to avail themselves of the support. DS has accommodations like extra time on tests, recording notes, and taking tests in a quiet room if needed. The college schedule is more manageable too because unlike high school, where DS would have 6 subjects and classes a day and tons of homework, in college he has a maximum of 5 classes or 16 hours and may have at the most three classes in one day. Some days he may have one or two. Classes do not meet every day like in high school. He seems to have enough time to study and get assignments done. There are also study sessions for students to prep for tests and lots of tutors available. The professors in college have office hours and encourage students to come see them for help. DS has already scheduled several appointments with his math and computer science professors. DS meets with his advisor in his major department to go over his class schedule before registering for classes each semester to make sure he is staying on track with his major. I never thought I would say this but college for DS is more manageable so far than high school. I never, ever imagined this but am thrilled for DS.

Amazing! What private school did he graduate from?

[Anonymous]

Very involved.

[Anonymous]

We check in with 9th grade DS regularly to make sure he turns everything in on time. We also keep a calendar with things like appointments and extracurriculars on it so he can see obligations that might affect his assignment schedule. It’s a work in progress and I hope it sticks. Our biggest issue, though, is getting him to do simple things around the house that I have to nag and nag him to do. Any suggestions for that? PostIt reminders are not working.

[Anonymous]

DS14, freshman-- I do an occasional check to be sure he's turned everything in. So far, he's only missed one assignment and I caught it before it was late.

I also let him know that he can ask me for help if needed. Right now, the issue is less "turning things in" (that was a very big problem in MS) and more about acquiring better studying and writing skills.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. But only because he meets with an Exec Function tutor weekly. They go over upcoming assignments, and make a plan for when things will get done, including timing for papers and studying for exams (in HS and plays a varsity sport for school and club - it takes a lot of time, but DS needs that physical outlet).

Over the years she has taught him a system of organization, so that in theory, when he heads off to college, he can do it all on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your high schooler has ADHD, how involved are you (if at all) in making sure he/she turns in assignments on time and completes the entire assignment?

My son has a 504 and I am fully involved. I help him organize his calendar, set reminders on his apple watch, sit with him EVERY DAY and go over what needs to be done while he writes a to-do list. He would simply fail otherwise, he just cannot keep track of anything. I remember his freshman year, during his 504 meeting one of the teachers asked us"if you are so involved, how will he ever learn to do it on his own? How will he do in college when he is on his own?" Well we tried backing off during his 8th grade year for 3 months, and he pretty much failed every class. I have 3 kids, my other two are incredible independent and I never worry about their homework because they remember what they need to do and take a reasonable time to complete tasks. My ADHD kid will not be able to handle college on his own, sending him to college is setting him up to fail. He will need to attend a local college, take only a couple of classes per semester and, if necessary, live at home while doing that. We want him to get a degree and he wants to get a degree, but he understands his own struggles. In the end, the only difference is that it will take him a bit longer to get there and he needs to study something he loves because he is hyperfocused when he does things he loves to do.

Why are you sending him to college? Has he ever tried a trade? Carpentry, plumbing, etc.? He might really enjoy that. I would hate having to go to regular school in his situation.

Youth with ADHDareboften extremely bright and have many intellectual/ creative/ personal gifts.

Trades are fine if that is where their passion lie but many youth with ADHD excel in college with the right supports a d actually crave the intellectual stimulus …

Firther, life is so complicated with so many existential crises increasing (climate change/ growing wealth differentials/ political extremism etc.) - it may be that’s society needs their big picture and lateral,problem solving skills just as much as they need college ….