I’ve cut off my sister through pure jealousy and I suck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
She turned out to be a lovely person, very rich, very kind, very skinny and elegant and beautiful. By comparison, I’m dumpy, work a mid-paying job, am a lifelong renter, and am rather introverted and shy. We live utterly different lives. Honestly I feel like crap whenever I’m around my half-sister, despite how nice she is.

,,,

Part of the problem is that our (shared) mother died when I was six. I grew up imagining that my mother would always be proud of me, no matter how mediocre my life. And now I feel like I’ve met the sister my mother really *would* be proud of, the sucessful beautiful happy one, and it’s just so hard to be around her. I haven’t reached out in 8 months now.

Sorry me again. One more post and I'll stop hogging your thread. I was reading your OP and something seemed off. I realized you were comparing yourself to your half sister and evaluating you both in the way the world would measure you. But as a mom, I have to tell you that is not what loving mothers and families do. Yes, we are proud of outward accomplishments and appearances, but we also try to understand the details in each child that makes them unique. Maybe it's a funny way they tell jokes, or how they are always ready with a hug, or some hobby that is unique to them. You're mom would be proud of you because you are her child. Doesn't matter if another child has more worldly accomplishments. Yes, she would be proud of how your half sister turned out, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't be proud of you. That's not how moms work.

This is really true. Think about your child, OP. Do you think you’ll be proud only if they are thin and beautiful and own a home? I bet not, nor would your mother have focused solely on those measures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so did you donate your bone marrow to her then OP?

I know! Did she find a match?? Poor woman!

OP said that she is in remission, meaning she is ok unless it comes back in a few years.

OP you are not a bad person if you don't want to continue the relationship. There are deep feelings of being unworthy that you need to work on. This isn't really about your half sister but more how you feel about yourself.

You don't suck but you do need to show more self compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, so did you donate your bone marrow to her then OP?

I know! Did she find a match?? Poor woman!

No, unfortunately. I would've done so. But as half-siblings we (me and my brothers) turned out not to be a match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
She turned out to be a lovely person, very rich, very kind, very skinny and elegant and beautiful. By comparison, I’m dumpy, work a mid-paying job, am a lifelong renter, and am rather introverted and shy. We live utterly different lives. Honestly I feel like crap whenever I’m around my half-sister, despite how nice she is.

,,,

Part of the problem is that our (shared) mother died when I was six. I grew up imagining that my mother would always be proud of me, no matter how mediocre my life. And now I feel like I’ve met the sister my mother really *would* be proud of, the sucessful beautiful happy one, and it’s just so hard to be around her. I haven’t reached out in 8 months now.

Sorry me again. One more post and I'll stop hogging your thread. I was reading your OP and something seemed off. I realized you were comparing yourself to your half sister and evaluating you both in the way the world would measure you. But as a mom, I have to tell you that is not what loving mothers and families do. Yes, we are proud of outward accomplishments and appearances, but we also try to understand the details in each child that makes them unique. Maybe it's a funny way they tell jokes, or how they are always ready with a hug, or some hobby that is unique to them. You're mom would be proud of you because you are her child. Doesn't matter if another child has more worldly accomplishments. Yes, she would be proud of how your half sister turned out, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't be proud of you. That's not how moms work.

So well said thank you.

OP - I hope some of the words of support in this thread resonate … you are not a terrible person. You are human like all of us.

As a mother of both biological and adopted parent, I concur with many PPs here - adopted children deal with many insecurities no matter how much they know you love them and longed for them. Many Mothers try hard to love the children they have not the mythical perfect ones.

I also like PPs wisdom that they are also a chubby life long renter with LDs who is unable to get a college degree but has many other qualities that her friends appreciate.

I am glad you are in therapy.
I do hope that you find your way back to your half sister in authentic ways and see her with compassion. I suspect that she needs your love and approval as well … the sisterly bond is worth much more than material riches.

Virtual hug

[Anonymous]

Yea, you suck. You are jealous of your sister with leukemia who needs a bone marrow transplant because she skinny and rich? You should be jealous because you are horribly shallow and it sounds like she is not.

You sound miserable all around.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your sister was, what, given up for adoption? I think maybe you need to reframe things and have a bit of empathy for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a very good chance that your sister has abandonment issues and a sense of deep loss about not being a part of her birth family. Being wealthy and pretty can’t make up for being placed for adoption and the issues that come with that.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with cancer as well.

Your mom loved you both very much and in different ways. You are the one she rocked, snuggled with, sang to and bonded with. I'm sorry you lost her so young and for the impact that had on you. I'm sorry finding out she had another child before you disettles you even more.

[Anonymous]

She was given up for adoption and has leukemia. Yeah, real charmed life.

I hope you find a good therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was given up for adoption and has leukemia. Yeah, real charmed life.

I hope you find a good therapist.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was given up for adoption and has leukemia. Yeah, real charmed life.

I hope you find a good therapist.

Is like being jealous of someone wearing a wig bc the wig looked 🤧 so dame real and good on her!

[Anonymous]

You share about 25% of your DNA with someone who has been a stranger to you most of your life.

If you want to reach out again go for it. If she has decided not to pursue any further connection, then be prepared to roll with that.

Is your brother interested in a connection with her?

It can be so hit and miss. I have some that would prefer I stayed hidden as I am proof their family member sinned when they were a teenager. I have other biofamily members who want more from me than I can give.

[Anonymous]

If only we all could be so lucky ad to be given up for adoption, get leukemia! Some people just have it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If only we all could be so lucky ad to be given up for adoption, get leukemia! Some people just have it all.

OP's mom died when OP was 6 years old. OP also has cancer. She is obviously struggling in some way too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a very good chance that your sister has abandonment issues and a sense of deep loss about not being a part of her birth family. Being wealthy and pretty can’t make up for being placed for adoption and the issues that come with that.

This!

OP, I could not imagine being given up for adoption, then the worst type of cancer. O-M-G I hope at least you provided the bone marrow. This was your time to shine and make a new immediate family and be the family member to lean on, and you blew it. Please, call your sister and apologize for being caught up in your own childhood grief (selfish grief!). Tell your sister you love and care about her. Ask her what she needs. Invite her to your apartment. There's hope if you want it.